


All We Know is Now

by somewhere__dreaming



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Academia, Academy, Alternate Universe - The Breakfast Club Fusion, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Funny, LGBTQ Character, Love, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 70,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29720109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somewhere__dreaming/pseuds/somewhere__dreaming
Summary: Five high school students from Ruthrwood Academy walk into the library one Wednesday to endure two weeks of after-school detention having committed separate crimes. The disparate group includes Mr. Popular, his overlooked sidekick, the theater kid, the nerd, and the nobody. Each goes in with assumptions about the others and each will leave a completely different person.Or...A Larry styled take on the breakfast club with a dark academia aesthetic.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 10
Kudos: 50





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! (oops) I don't know what to say other than thank you for reading my book! I hope it satisfies your need for a fluffy, smutty, childhood friends to enemies to lovers book. I did my best <3  
> All the love, -M
> 
> (Ps: If you could comment and give me feedback that would be deeply appreciated tyy)

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**_ "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." _ **

**_ ~Paul of Tarsus _ **

_ A Prologue by Louis: _

_ Looks can be deceiving. Everyone has an image they present for others to see and then make assumptions about. It is only when you can break down that barrier, the true person is revealed. _

_ At Ruthwood Academy stereotypes are everything. Everyone has a label and if you don't, you are labeled as a nobody. This is a bit ironic since we all look the same. Crisp, collared white shirt, striped tie, and dark slacks, but that doesn't matter. We are not the same and our labels define us. Today we are focusing on five specific labeled people who attend this school. _

_ Harry Styles, also known as Mr. Popular himself. He rules this school, though no one really knows why. He's not a jock or anything, but he is the epitome of cool. His tie is always loose, his hair ruffled and messy. All the girls want him, all the guys want to be him, and he knows it. He doesn't have many friends, just his long-time girlfriend Ava and Zayn. _

_ Zayn Malik, Mr. Popular's sidekick, and only genuine friend. He's a nice guy, too handsome for his own good, loyal to Harry, and not afraid to kick your ass. Sure, he knows he's a nobody without Harry, but he doesn't seem to mind. You might think this is odd. Why is he so willing to be friends with Harry knowing he comes off as just 'Harry's friend?' Don't worry, we'll get there. _

_ Moving away from the 'cool crowd' we have Niall Horan, a theater kid through and through if ever I've seen one. Decent grades, bubbly, and dramatic personality and is usually spotted in the theater rehearsing for the next school play or dancing down the corridors as if he's in a high school musical scene, much to the annoyance of his peers. Hate to break it to you Horan, you are no Zach Effron. _

_ Then you have the stereotypical class nerd, Liam Payne ladies, and gents. Any class you have with him you can immediately just go throw yourself down a toilet. That guy will talk your ear off in any subject and is always asking for extra homework assignments, not to mention all the teachers absolutely adore him. He makes them feel like they are actually teaching us something when in reality I'm fairly sure he walks into every class already knowing more than they do. _

_ And that leaves me. I'm Louis Tomlinson, the nobody. Don't get me wrong, I love my label for all its worth. I can go through my day without girls throwing themselves at me right and left, or feeling shadowed by my best friend, or getting yelled at for rapping Hamilton in Science class or getting paid off to do someone's homework. Nope, I get any of that shit and I was completely happy being a nobody. Completely happy with having nobody even know my name that was...until now. _

_ This isn't my story though; I was just giving you the basics. I will now be handing off this story to Mr. Popular himself, Harry Styles. _


	2. Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to add that the lingo in this book is half British and half American. The school itself is not real what-so-ever and overall this is all purely fiction.   
> -M

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**_"If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere."_ **

**_~ Marilyn Monroe_ **

My head buzzed as Ms. Peterson continued her extensive lecture on the French revolution. I had paid attention for the first five minutes but then had turned my head to gaze out the huge window that looked out onto the school grounds. 

Ruthwood was a prestigious academy known for its high school graduates making their way onto places like Oxford and Cambridge. The grounds themselves stretched for many miles in lush dark green meadows and old wooden fences. The weather, like usual, was dark and cloudy and the beginnings of the winter rain looked like it was on its way. 

My eyes focused on a little bird that had landed on the carved ivory water fountain in the middle of the courtyard. The decor of the academy was regal and ancient-looking as if people from the nineteen hundreds just picked up their stuff and abandoned the school. 

Ivy twisted its way around the pale cream columns and in all the windows hung mournful looking wine-colored curtains. In my tenth year when I first arrived at Ruthwood, I got lost more often than I can count. The corridors were an endless twisting maze of passages with paintings of serious people in formal clothing. The school rooms were dark, and the high ceilings displayed the intricate woodwork and design on the walls. Many long hours have been spent in those eerie classrooms as the constant drawl of the lecture flows from the teacher's mouth.

The bird continued to hop around a bit on the fountain, drinking up some of the water, and then flew off into a nearby tree. He was free, why couldn't I be?

"Mr. Styles," I heard her voice call and I internally groaned. "Where was Marquis de Lafayette born?"

Shit.

Liam Payne shot his hand up in the air from the front of the classroom and I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I wish I could just slap him for making the rest of us look so fucking stupid.

"Um, C-Chavaniac?" I stuttered, knowing I had heard that name at least twice during the lecture.

"Correct. Please keep your focus up here from now on and not out the window." She instructed and I nodded,

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. Back to Marquis de Lafayette, He volunteered his time and money to help the Americans..."

I couldn't help it; I was so over this class. I glanced at the clock, five more minutes until gym. I may be a sucky student, but I was positive I had all A’s in gym class.

"Alright, it seems that I have gotten through today's lesson quite quickly so I might release you—" Ms. Peterson started to say when that dickhead Payne raised his hand again.

"Yes, Mr. Payne?"

"When do you want us to proofread our assigned peer's essay?" He asked and I could swear the whole class looked ready to murder him.

"Oh, I almost forgot." She said, smiling at him. "Yes, your essays on how the strains and stresses of imperialism might have weakened the domestic government in 18th century France must be almost complete by tomorrow so we can proofread peer essays."

I had not started that assignment and neither had anyone else by the looks of it. Just then the bell rang throughout the huge school's sound system and I jumped up. Screw it if I get a bad grade, there was no way I was pulling an all-nighter to study imperialism or whatever it was.

I packed my bags quickly and almost ran to the gym to meet Zayn in the locker room.

"Geez Harry where's the fire?" A girl's voice asked, and I slowed. Ava, my girlfriend for the past two years was leaning against one of the old ivory pillars, books in hand and skirt hitched up to her thighs.

"Hey, Avacodo," I joke, and seeing that her friends are present, kiss her on the cheek.

"Get in trouble with Ms. Peterson today?"

"How did you know?"

"Lucky guess."

"Not too bad though, just found this little bird outside for interesting than the French revolution."

She sighed at me then asked, "So what's the rush?"

"Zayn said to meet me before gym. Depending on if he hooked up with Perrie last night, he might be streaking the whole student body today."

"Oh my god, you guys are disgusting." She scolded, smacking my arm. "Guys actually still bet to see if they can get in a girl's skirt?"

"Sure, it worked with you." I quip which earns me another arm slap. Both of us know this isn't true but her friends don't and that's all that matters.

"You guys are so cute." One of them, Kelly maybe, says looking at us adoringly.

I catch Ava's eye in confirmation we can still put on a great show. "She's cuter," I tease before giving her another kiss on the cheek and leaving them to gush over how good of a boyfriend I am.

If only they knew.

When I burst through the locker room doors, I find Zayn huddled in the corner, his gym clothes on and his arms crossed.

"So, did you get her?" I asked, dumping my bookbag down on a bench next to him and grinning goofily.

"No."

My grin faltered, "What do you mean...no?"

"I mean that I actually _like_ her and so I'm not going to try and get in her pants that way unless it's for real. I don't want it to be just some dumb bet between lads." He said angrily.

And this is the reason I love Zayn. Yeah, he has the reputation of being a fuckboy and the ability to get with any girl he wants, like me, but he's better than that. I know he’s better than that.

"What are you going to say to the guys then?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"I'm going to tell them my balls were too sore to fuck anyone because you whacked them with a door yesterday."

"Oh right, of course, I did.”

Zayn hung his head, "I really don't want to streak though," 

I patted him on the shoulder, "You have nothing to worry about, you're so fit."

"Your gay is showing," Zayn muttered half-heartedly and I chuckled. I might be the most popular guy at Ruthwood, but I only have two friends: Zayn and Ava.

We sit there together, enjoying the silence of the cold empty locker room until the door opens and a stream of guys pour in.

"So Zayn," Nathaniel shouted as he spotted us sitting in the corner, "Did you get into Perrie's skirt yesterday or are we going to do a bit of streaking today?"

"The second one," Zayn said, getting up with a confident smile, looking nothing like my friend that was sitting here just moments ago worried about the dare. "H here whacked me in the balls yesterday so my boys weren't up for it."

"Shame, shame," Darcy tutted shaking his head.

The group of them started to chant lightly, "Streak, streak, streak, streak!" As Zayn slipped his shirt off over his thin figure and pushed down his shoes and socks.

"Guys, this is such an immature idea." He groaned and I could tell he was getting nervous. "You sure I can't just go flirt with a teacher or something?"

"No way man," Hunter said, smirking, "This was our bet. You get Perrie or you streak."

"Yeah, shouldn't have been so confident." Darcy taunted.

"Yeah, that or you should have factored in that Styles was after your boys." Nathaniel laughed.

I could see Zayn squirming, so I jumped in, "I'll do it with you." I said, taking off my own shirt.

Relief flushed over his face and I shed my grey joggers as well. "You all can't say you've fully lived without streaking your school once," I add, and I could see them wavering.

I know I had power over them, it wasn't lost on me that I was the top guy here at Ruthwood and I planned to use it to my full advantage like helping my friend.

"Ready?" I asked and Zayn nodded dropping his boxers onto the cold tile floor. "Run fast enough and all they'll see is a blur," I whisper, and with that, we were off.  
  


* * *

Apparently, we didn't run fast enough because the next thing I knew Zayn and I were rounding the courtyard corner, people screaming and cheering at us as were sprinted when we bumped right into Mr. Harrison, the dean of Ruthwood Academy.

"Boys!" He shouted as my face turned scarlet and I quickly put my hand over my lower region. "What in the name of God do we have here?"

"Streaking?" Zayn squeaked and the dean rolled his eyes,

"I can see that...clearly."

"Sorry sir, it was just a stupid bet," I mutter, glad no one could see us from this angle.

"Stupid is one word for it, I have a couple of others. Detention in the library all week after school." He said, "Then straight back to your rooms."

I grimace but we both accept and quickly duck into the nearest bathroom where we had stored our uniforms.

"Guess it could have been worse." Zayn sighed, pulling on his slacks and loosely rolling up the sleeves of his white shirt.

"Yeah, if we got suspended my mom would literally have a heart attack."

"Not only that but you'd have to face the wrath of Gemma.”

"Well it's almost three, I guess we can just go to the library now," I pick up my bookbag and stuff my sweater in the front compartment.

"You ever gotten detention?" I ask as we walk through the now deserted courtyard to the other end of school.

"Nope,"

"Me neither."

My phone buzzes and I pull it out of my pocket.

"It's Ava. She just asked if it's true."

Zayn laughed, "She gonna kill you for ruining your perfect boyfriend image."

"Shut up, what do you mean?" I said, shoving him and then pressing the call button.

_"Harry Edward Styles did you seriously land your flat ass in detention?"_ She demands over the speaker and Zayn almost chokes on air from laughing.

"Yes, I did, and don't call my ass flat. You've never even seen it."

_"I don't have to, it's as flat as a door."_ She responds. I frown, but she continues, _"So you're in detention after school for the next week?"_

"Yup," I say happily popping the P just to annoy her. "Have fun faking sex without me tonight."

_"As if! I will be studying as should you."_ She said, _"All that extra time in detention should result in you pulling up your grade in history."_

"What are you, my _mom_?"

She ignores this, _"Did you hear? That know-it-all Payne landed himself in detention as well."_

"What? I saw him in history this morning, what did he do?" I shove Zayn off my shoulder as he tries to listen in.

_"Cheated on his science test. Apparently, he's not Mr. Perfect after all."_

"Could have fooled me." I said and then turned the long hallway to the library, "I'm here, got to go."

_"Be good."_ She said and then gave me a kiss through the speaker and hung up.

"Alright, let's get this shit over with," I announced as I stroll lazily through the huge oak doors of the library, Zayn at my heels. I came to a quick halt when I see that there are three heads bent over desks instead of just one. Must have been a rule-breaking day for a lot of people I think, spotting Liam's hunched-over figure on the far side of the room.

"Hey what's Hamilton doing here?" Zayn snickered as I turn my head to where Niall Horan sits, his blonde head emersed in a script.

"Maybe he finally abused enough ears that they sent him to detention." I take a seat near the window, right across from the third boy in the room.

This boy is Louis Tomlinson.

I haven't seen him clearly since primary school but looking at him now almost took the breath right out of me. He sat there at the stiff wooden desk, shirt untucked and tie loose on his neck, writing. I used to have the biggest crush on him when I was younger, but since then I could count the number of words we've said to one another on one finger. I wonder what in the world he could have done to land himself in detention.

"Alright now that you all are here, welcome." Mr. Harrison declared as if we had just set forth on an epic fantasy journey, which we most definitely had not. "This is after-school detention and each of you has earned yourself a week of this lovely ritual."

I look around wondering what Tomlinson and Horan had done. Zayn couldn't have been serious about his singing. I would never admit it to anyone, but he was actually really good.

"You will all sit here and contemplate your actions today. You may do homework, read and... that’s it." He said, laughing to himself. "You may not leave the library and I would prefer you not even leave your seats."

Niall raised his hand, "What if we have to wee?"

"Hold it."

"Noted." Niall lowered his hand.

"I will unlock the doors at 5:30." He said and with that, left the room.

"Wait, he's just leaving us here?" I ask in astonishment.

"No his spirit is still in the room," Niall said sarcastically.

"Don't talk to me, drama queen," I snap as Zayn and I get up to inspect the window.

"Mate, this hinge is completely loose," Zayn says, unlatching it and slowly opening the window.

"Guys, don't do it," Liam spoke up and I raised my eyebrow at him,

"Shut it, nerd, we don't need you or your cheating ass ruining our master escape plan."

Zayn opened the huge window all the way and then grabbing his book bag jumped out onto the green lawn below.

"I'm coming," I said and was just about to jump when a voice says,

"Don't worry Payne, they'll be back."

The voice was soft but husky and... hot. It could only belong to one person and I slowly turned my head to stare at Louis. He didn't even look up and instead was swiftly writing in a black leather-bound notebook.

"Bet," I challenged before turning away and jumping out right behind Zayn.

"I can't believe that worked!" Zayn crowed as we sprinted across the grassy lawn, away from the library.

"Mr. Harrison is a big fat idiot for leaving us in a room with a huge working window." I laughed rounding the side of the building and then stopping to catch my breath.

"Who's this idiot you speak of?"

"Mr. Harrison!" Zayn yelped and jumped behind me.

Pussy.

"O-oh we didn't see you there," I gulped, knowing this was not good.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here either." He said with a smile that only made me regret what we had done even more. "Library, now."

He didn't look mad, in fact, he looked a bit amused, but we nodded and followed him back to the library.

"I'm sure you all missed your runway friends." He said cheerfully as he opened the door again and the two of us trudged in.

"Not really," Liam replied.

It was embarrassing, I will admit, and my cheeks may have flushed pink when I saw a small smirk on Louis's lips. He didn't look up at us, at me, though, and kept his gaze on whatever he was writing. Why won't he look at _me_?

"And thanks to these guys, you all now have an extra week." He said and Niall groaned,

"That's so not fair! Why are we paying for their idiotic actions? I have a play to rehearse for!"

"Sorry, should have tried and stopped them." He said, not caring in the slightest.

"I did try!" Liam protested but Mr. Harrison was already halfway to the door.

"I'll see you all in two hours," And with that closed the doors behind him.

"Shit." Zayn huffed as he slumped down in one of the hard wooden benches and ran his hands through his dark hair.

"Shit?" Niall asks outraged. "Not even a fucking apology?"

"An apology for what?"

"That you got us another whole week in detention!" Niall shouts, "I scored the lead role in the Midsummer Night’s Dream this year and now I won't be able to make rehearsals!"

"Look on the bright side," I said, "We are saving you from humiliating yourself in front of the whole student body in a pair of tights and a Shakespearean blouse." 

"Or saving the audience," Zayn mutters and I choke back a laugh.

"Why are you guys like this?" Niall says, looking genuinely hurt and for a second I want to take it all back because I know we both don't mean it. If only he knew what we were really like when people weren't watching.

"Like what?" I ask, shaking my curly hair out of my eyes. It's gotten quite long this past month and hangs in messy curls all over my head.

"So heartless," Niall says in pure disgust. "Do you guys care about anyone besides yourself?"

Zayn thinks for a minute, "No."

"I can't believe I have to spend every afternoon with you two now." Niall grumbled, "Don't you two think they are being complete narcissistic shits?" Niall demands at Liam and Louis.

"No, I actually think I deserve my punishment," Liam says quietly.

"Of course you do," Niall said annoyed, "What about you Tomlinson?"

Keeping his eyes down at his notebook he says calmly, "I don't mind."

"See Niall, not everyone thinks we're narcissistic shits," I say to him, my spirits rising because Louis said he didn't mind spending the afternoons with me. 

"I never said that," Louis says in a low voice and we all turn to listen, "I personally _do_ think you both are narcissistic shits, I just don't mind being in detention."

Oh.

"And why is that?"

Louis didn't answer though and continued to write.

We spend the next hour in almost complete silence. Liam is doing homework, obviously, that kid has no life. Niall is running lines for a play he won't be performing in and Zayn has fallen asleep and was now snoring very loudly in my ear.

As more me, I find myself gazing at the back of Louis's head as he continues to rapidly write in that darn notebook of his. I remember my younger self back in primary school, doing everything in my power to get that blue-eyed boy to look at me.

My pathetic attempts to get his attention was offering him my cookie at lunch in hopes he would look at me and tell me "Thank you," Which he always did, and those two little words had made my childish heart skip and butterflies take off in my tummy. Or I would hold the door for him at the end of the day when our moms all came to pick us up.

When we both came to Ruthwood, that all changed. It's not like we were ever really close friends in the first place. Louis never made any friends, and I was too busy then making fake ones.

Louis was real and honest, while I was a walking lie. Nothing about me was real. Nothing about my actions was me.

Louis on the other hand, I had noticed, wasn't any of that crap. In class, he didn't suck up to teachers to get a good grade and he didn't put on a fake smile when people came and talked with him. I wish I could do that, but I couldn't.

I glanced at the wall clock to see we had thirty more minutes left. My stomach let out an unattractive growl, so I started digging through my bookbag to see if I had any leftover lunch. I did not. I knew I couldn't get anything from the little snack kiosk they had in the library so I slumped in my chair and waited for dinner.

"Ah, so you all made it. Congratulations." Mr. Harrison said as he waltzed in at precisely 5:30. "I will see you all off to dinner and then straight back to your rooms."

I practically jumped out of my chair when he dismissed us and ran to the dining hall. I hadn't had anything except half a sandwich for lunch and I was starving.

"H, wait up mate," Zayn called as we rushed down the huge hallway, our footsteps echoing throughout.

When he had finally caught up, we walked through the door to get dinner. "You really need to eat more at lunch," Zayn commented as we both grabbed trays and started down the line.

"I didn't have time today," I said, biting my lip as I scooped two huge servings of mashed potatoes onto my plate.

"Seriously Harry, you're going to starve if you start skipping meals. It's not like you have the money for snacks." He whispered the last part.

I grit my teeth together and focused on my plate. He was right, my mom could barely afford my education and logging here. There was no extra money for me to spend on stupid snacks, fancy pencils, or other knickknacks.

"I'll start eating better during meals then," I mutter and head off to sit at one of the far tables.

Many of the students were finishing up the dinners and all around us hummed the constant chatter as students discussed assignments, after-school activities, and so forth.

I zoned out the window, which was a common pastime of mine, as I ate. But unlike this morning, I was thinking of something. Someone, that is. 

I wondered if Louis remembers that I use to give him my cookie every day at lunch. Or that time he helped me pack my bookbag that unfortunate rainy day the buckle had come undone and all my books fell in a puddle. He had knelt down and comforted me as I sobbed into his shoulder. I knew my mom worked hard for these books and I had let them fall in a puddle.

I remember telling him that and then worried he would tease me because we were poor, but he didn't. He simply picked me up and started collecting my things and tried to dry them with his coat.

"Harry? Harry?" Some called and I turned to see Ava coming my way, her typical girl group trailing after her.

"Hey," Is all I say as she sits in my lap and kisses me on the cheek.

"You wanna come up to my room for a bit?"

"I would but I was strictly told to go to my room after dinner but…Mr. Harrison didn't say anything about having visitors though..."

"Great, I'll be right up after I go change." She said and her friends all catcall her.

They didn't know the meaning behind 'go change' meant she was going to throw on a pair of sweatpants. Just like the rest of my life, Ava was a lie as well.

* * *

"Do you have any aces?"

"Nope, go fish," I said, and Ava reached across the bed to draw a card.

Ava and I have been dating for two years now, that's if you can call us dating. We have never slept together and have only kissed properly about twice. We are not a couple; we are simply two people who need the other to survive at this school.

"Zayn you're up." She says after looking down at her new card in disgust.

"You have the worse poker face."

"Better than having your face." She shot back and Zayn laughed,

"Harry, do you have an eight?"

"Yes," I hand him my card.

"So, how was detention?" Ava asks as we continue the game.

"Sucky, we now have another week of it," Zayn complains.

"All thanks to ourselves," I say proudly, and Ava shakes her head,

"So was Payne really in there with you all?"

"Sure, along with Horan and Tomlinson."

"Ooh!" Ava shrieks and leans in, "Maybe this all happened for a reason. So now you can get with your childhood crush and live happily ever after."

"I hate you; do you know that?" I say, picking up the pillow I was leaning on and whacking her over the head.

"Come on!" Ava says, "As soon as we graduate, I'm dumping your ass publicly and you know it. You need to go find some real romance in your life."

"Who needs real when I have fake?"

"You both are fucked up." Zayn says from his perch on the bed, "This whole fake relationship thing has gone on for way too long. Like who cares Harry if you're gay and who cares Ava if you're single and get bullied?"

"I care!" She huffed, "Before I came here, I was in complete hell."

"Me too," I add.

"So this is the most logical thing we could come up with."

"Ok, but for real, maybe you and Tomlinson can have one of those secret relationships," Zayn says, getting excited.

My heart skipped a beat as I imagined for a brief moment what it would be like dating Louis. Then I shoved the thought away, "I'm sure he doesn't even remember me."

"That's bull if I've ever heard it," Zayn exclaimed, laughing.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you not see him staring at you like for the whole two hours this afternoon?" Zayn asks incredulously.

"What do you mean? He didn't look at me once and was too busy scribbling in that damn notebook."

"Sneaky little minx, he couldn't take his eyes off you!"

"But he never looked at me!"

"That might be, but he was watching you."

I stay silent for the rest of the night, pondering on this new information. Louis Tomlinson had been looking at me. I shouldn't have felt anything, but those pesky little childish butterflies were active in my stomach again just like they were years ago when he said 'thank you' to me.

I loved Ava and all that she did for me, but she was right, for both of us. Maybe it was time for me to find some real romance in our life. Time to finally not give such a fuck about what people thought of me. No, I didn't even know if he was...like me. I wouldn't try I decided as I went to bed that night. And that's what I convinced myself as I drifted off to sleep, excited for tomorrow afternoon. 


	3. Thursday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ava's nickname is pronounced AVAcado so no, it's not a typo :)

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**_"As soon as you stop wanting something, you'll get it."_ **

**_~Andy Warhol_ **

I woke up the next morning with a growling stomach and Louis's blue eyes in the back of my mind. It was going to be a long day waiting for detention this afternoon. 

I rolled out of my big four-poster bed, all the dorms came with them, and went to the bathroom to wash up. I had just stepped out of the shower when Zayn burst through the door creating a gust of cold air bursting into the steamy room.

"Shit, Zayn didn't anyone teach you how to knock?" I yelped, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself as Zayn reached for his toothbrush.

"Didn't anyone teach you how to lock the door?" He mumbled through a mouth full of toothpaste.

I scowled as I walked out to put on my uniform. The material against my wet skin felt rough and I furrowed my brow as I buttoned my shirt and tied my tie. 

"You want to ditch literature this morning and go to town?" Zayn asked now slipping on his sweater and looking at himself in the mirror. 

"I wish but I have a paper due in History this afternoon and I'm hoping to get to the library to fudge it so I can do the stupid in-class assignment."

"Shame, Darcy and I are going down then."

It was a common occurrence for us to ditch and go into the nearby town. The little plaza down there had shops and a cinema, plus the best little bakery filled with sweets that would give anyone diabetes. Our professors really didn't mind, that was unless we got caught, and seeing I was in enough hot water as I was, I wasn't about to risk it. 

"Be careful," I tell him, throwing my bags into my back and then running my fingers through my messy damp curls, "And make sure your back for detention."

"Yes sir." 

I walk out of our dormitory and down the great hallway to the dining hall. I would eat a good breakfast this morning so I could skip lunch and work on that damn paper. 

"Hey Styles, coming downtown today?" Someone called out to me, but I ignored them. I didn't have to acknowledge anyone's comments walking down the halls unless I felt like it and I didn't feel like it this morning. 

"You're not going through, are you?" Ava's voice demanded from behind me and I jumped. 

"Jesus, what the hell Avacado?" I said my heart beating fast from the scare.

"Jumpy this morning, are we?" She asked as we entered the dining hall and got in line for breakfast. 

The whole dining hall was one of my favorite places at the academy. I found the spacious, high ceilinged, and gold interior area a nice place to do my homework, that was when I chose to do it, in the evenings. This morning the high windows let in the early morning beams shine through making everything around me glow in warm sunlight.

On the far side of the hall, professors eyed their students warily from the line of couches set up by an enormous fireplace which was perfect for roasting marshmallows illegally during the winter. 

I grabbed a bowl of oatmeal, two eggs, and a pastry before waiting at the end of the line for Ava to finish getting her breakfast. 

"Harry, you should get more." She whispered, "Didn't you say you were hungry yesterday?"

"No, I'm fine," I whisper back, looking around to see if anyone heard. 

"No one is listening." She hissed, "Here," And she shoved a banana from her try into the pocket of my bookbag. "Just in case."

I sighed, but I kept it. We sat down at the main table in the middle of the room and people quickly started to swarm around us. Being the 'it' couple of the school people just seemed to navigate towards us. When we first started 'dating' it was kind of fun. Everyone was jealous of what we had and since both of us had come from being bullied backgrounds, it was exciting to finally be on top. 

But I soon realized these people were not our friends, even if they acted like it. These people were not here for us but there for the attention and the gossip. It sucked really, but it was better than being bullied to death. 

"Ava, did you get your dress for the winter formal yet?" One of her friends asked.

"Yep, it's being delivered in a couple of weeks." Ava gushed.

"Oh, what color did you end up going for?" Her friend pushed, probably hoping to get inspiration from Ava's choice which was really my choice.

"Silver."

"That's such a good idea!" She squealed and I closed my eyes, now clearly picturing the entire female population at Ruthwood in the silver gown I had picked out specifically for Ava. 

A few weeks ago I had heard Ava muttering about having to choose a dress for the upcoming dance and I offered to help. I enjoyed doing things like that though I rarely got to since I spend all my living hours pretending to be straight and masculine. 

"And I was thinking of doing my nails dark blue with maybe a bit of glitter." Ava continued and I could swear all her friends were taking mental notes as she talked.

I wish I could paint my nails. I always thought it was such a fun and unique way to express yourself, but I could never. Gemma used to paint my nails when I was younger in all the shades of hot pink she owned, and I use to love it so much. I didn't care back then if it was a manly thing to do or not. I just loved it. 

The early bell rang, signaling to all of us that classes would be starting in fifteen minutes and I hurried to finish the last bite of my oatmeal.

"I'll see you at lunch?" Ava asks me as we throw our trays into the plastic dish.

"No, I have a paper to work on," I said, and she frowned, 

"Is this the one Kelly said was supposed to be written yesterday?"

"I guess you'll never know," I say with a cheeky grin before kissing her on the cheek and walking off to my first class. 

In literature class, we were reading A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I might be a terrible student, but I didn't mind reading. The book was actually pretty interesting, and I even got through the class discussion.

"What are some themes of sacrifice in the novel, can anyone tell me?"

I raise my hand and when Mr. Williams calls on me, I stand up to answer, "An example of sacrifice in the novel is when Doctor Manette sacrificed his freedom after refusing to compromise his integrity by taking the Evermonde's money."

There is a hushed silence as I finish and Mr. Williams nods approvingly, "I see you actually read the book, Mr. Styles." 

Always the tone of surprise.

"Yes sir."

"Good, now can anyone build on that statement?"

Someone towards the back of the class raises their hand as I sit down but I don't hear their answer because something, more like a certain someone has caught my eye.

Louis Tomlinson is sitting a couple of desks down from me, his eyes down and his hand slowly doodling on his notebook. 

How the actual fuck did I not know I had a class with him. I guess I do usually sleep through this class, but still. I continue to stare at the side of his head for the remainder of the class. His jawline is sharp, this skin creamy and smooth and his brown hair pushed to the side so effortlessly. 

"What are you staring at?" Someone whispers on my left and I look away from Louis to see Nathaniel looking at me with a puzzled expression.

"Uh, the clock," I lie.

Nathaniel frowns, "The clock is behind you, doofus."

"I- uh I wasn't-" I started, but just then the bell rang and I gave a sigh of relief knowing I wouldn't have to answer. 

"We will have a reading concept quiz next week and I expect you all to pass." Mr. William calls out as we all start gathering up our things. 

I am collecting my books from my desk when I feel someone brush next to me and I get a whiff of musk and vanilla. It makes my body tingle as I look to see a brown head disappearing into the crowd of people. My brain started to go into overdrive.

Was that Louis?

If so, why did he walk across the room to exit when there is a door right near where he was sitting. Did he want to talk to me? Damn it, I had my head in my bookbag. Also, he smelled so good. I took a deep breath to calm myself and walked with shaky legs to the nearest bathroom. 

If he could make me weak by just walking past me, what else could he do?

I didn't get much chance to go deeper into that thought because someone from behind slapped me on the shoulder, 

"Hey nerd, why didn't you join us downtown this morning?"

"Hey, Darcy." I muttered, upset that he had interrupted my thoughts, "I had class and I already have detention so I figured I should probably go."

"But Zayn came."

"Yeah well, Zayn's an idiot."

"Fair enough." Darcy laughed. 

"So you and Ava going to the formal?"

"Obviously. Who are you taking?"

"I was thinking of asking Ava's friend Kelly." He said and I could tell there was more to this comment.

"Do you want me to put in a good word for you?" I asked, knowing where this conversation was going already.

"Would you mate?" 

"Yeah, I'll ask Ave."

"Thanks, man, I owe you one."

"You owe me a muffin from the cafe," I said, knowing I wouldn't be having lunch and already feeling my stomach protest.

"On it." He said before turning into the math room.

I kept my pace to the library and sat down at one of the tables, pulling out my history textbook. That muffin couldn't come fast enough. 

* * *

I didn't end up finishing my paper for history so after having a long talk with Ms. Peterson regarding my lack of responsibility and that I would have to complete the next optional extra credit assignment, I was excused.

Gym went by quickly that day since all we did was run. I loved running and how free it made me feel. Gone were all the small voices in my head demanding I change myself to fit a stereotype and gone were all the lies I had created to keep my home life private. 

I slowed down to a light jog as I completed my third lap around the grounds, my cheeks red and the cold air stinging my lungs. I didn't mind though, running could give me a high that compared to nothing else... except having Louis Tomlinson walk by me. Damn, I was pathetic. 

"Nicely paced Styles," Coach Clark praised and I felt myself smile. It was rare that I got genuine compliments and the times I did, I held onto them like a gift.

"Thank you, it felt great."

"Have you ever considered trying out for track?"

I had not.

"Um no," I knew my mom could afford it even if it were something I wanted to. Hell, she couldn't even spare extra money for me to buy snacks throughout my day. As soon as I could, I would get a job but for now, I just had to make the best of barely two meals a day. 

"Well you should consider; you would perform greatly."

"Thank you, sir," I said and then slowly walked back to the locker rooms.

It was stupid really that such a prestigious academy didn't offer food around the clock for free. It's not like they were financially unstable. But no, you got a shit meal plan of three meals a day and that was that. Anything extra you were on your own.

I had already eaten the banana and muffin before coming so I gulped down the rest of my water to keep myself satisfied until dinner. Now I was off to detention but more importantly, off to see Louis!

"Why so eager to get to the library?" Trevor scoffed as I quickly packed up my gym bag in the locker room that afternoon.

"Uh, just want to get it over with." I lie and rush out.

"More like just want to see a certain someone." Zayn hissed at me as rush down the corridor to the library.

"Will you shut up?" I sputter, looking around to see if anyone heard but like usual, no one did. 

"Fine." 

I hurried down the hallway to the library and then stopped. What was I doing? I was rushing to detention eager to see Louis like I had a silly girl school crush. I was Harry Styles for god's sake.

"Um, are you going in?" Zayn questioned and I realized I had frozen with my hand on the cold metal handle. 

"Yeah, I- yes," And I opened the door. 

The two of us walked into the dark library to find Louis already there. He was sitting in the same spot as yesterday but gone was his black notebook and instead was reading a book. I tried to glance at the cover, but I couldn't tell what it was in the dim lighting.

Two minutes after collapsing at the desk across from him, Liam and Niall trudged in, Niall shooting a death glare at me and Zayn before sitting down. Guess he was still pissed, and I honestly couldn't blame him. Zayn and I _were_ little narcissistic shits. 

"Welcome to day two," Mr. Harrison said lazily, "Same rules go and if anyone tries to sneak out, I will add another week." And he left.

Expecting for it to be another quiet two hours I pulled out my copy of Tale of Two Cities and started to annotate the pages I had left in the book, my eyes dancing back and forth from the pages to Louis's head. 

Just as I highlighted a phrase I knew I could use for my essay, heard the wrinkling of a candy wrapper and Niall slowly starting to chomp on a packet of crisps.

My stomach growled in hunger. A growing teenage boy shouldn't have to live off a bowl of oatmeal, a banana, and a muffin for the whole day. 

"Oi Styles, grab something for your stomach before it eats you up alive," Niall said and I kept my head down, blushing. 

"Don't want anything," I said, but I did, I just couldn't. 

Zayn rummaged through his bookbag, searching for food for me but I stopped him, I didn't want anyone's pity.

"There's the snack kiosk right over there, go get yourself something because the noises your stomach is making is breaking my concentration."

"No." I shot back. "I won't have a theater pussy telling me what to do."

"Hey, chill man," Zayn said and I took a deep breath, 

"Sorry," I muttered in Niall's direction, but he had turned back to his script. 

I try to focus back on my homework but there is a nagging feeling somewhere in the pit of my stomach. I'm so sick of playing the jerk asshole. I'm sick of pretending Ava and I are in love. Of course, I love her but not in that way. I'm sick of hiding who I am, but I guess not sick enough to stop.

I take another quick peek up at Louis and am surprised when I see his eyes shift away and quickly focus back on his book. Maybe Zayn was right, maybe he had been looking at me. I couldn't understand why though, I was not the kind of person Louis would like. 

I keep my eyes on him as he continues to read, admiring how perfect his hair falls in a messy fringe right above his eyes when then all of the sudden he's looking at me again. His pale blue eyes staring into my soul, making me forget how to breathe. 

I look down quickly and hold my breath as I count to three in my head before looking back up again.

His eyes are still on me and a small smile is playing on his thin pink lips. He then lowers his eyes back to his book, waits three seconds, and looks back at me.

My heart feels like it's about to explode out of my chest as I repeat that action, lowering my eyes for three seconds and then catching mine with his again. 

We do this for what seems like hours and but is only minutes, playing tag with our eyes. I can feel the childish butterflies stirring in my tummy and my face feels hot. 

My middle lets out another annoyed growl for food and I drop my gaze embarrassed. It is only when I shyly look back up in Louis's direction I notice he's no longer in his seat but walking across the room towards me.

Everyone has looked up now to watch Louis make his way across the room, a brown package in his small hand. When he reaches my table, he places the small brown bag in front of me and leans down whispering so only I can hear, 

"I think I owe you a cookie."

I feel overwhelmed and dizzy as I look down to read the writing on the package, _Blue Door Bakery_ is what it says in dark fancy script on the front, and inside is a large warm chocolate chip cookie. Almost like the ones I use to give him at lunch when we were younger.

My heart was beating unbelievably fast. The small gesture was about to make me faint. 

"Hey, split some with me?" Zayn whispers and I frown.

No this was my cookie, from Louis.

"No," I mutter, and taking a small bite my stomach immediately relaxes. 

I glance up at Louis whose eyes are on me, watching me. "Thank you." I mouth and Louis just nods slightly before turning down to his book. 

If only he knew how much this meant to me. 

By the end of detention, I have completely finished the book and had started outlining my essay. Nobody else had spoken during the whole two and a half hours and I could feel the awkward tension.

Niall was still muttering lines to himself as if he thought by some miracle he would still get to perform, and Liam was typing feverishly on his laptop. As for Zayn, he had fallen asleep again.

"Ah, you all made it through day two." Mr. Harrison announced at 5:30 and we all started to pack up our stuff. 

"You don't have detention on the weekends so use your days wisely." He said before dismissing us. 

I tried to catch Louis on the way out to thank him again, but he had magically slipped away.

"Did you see where Louis went?" I asked Zayn but he shook his head,

"No, but if you find him, ask him to bring _me_ a cookie on Monday."

"No, and I doubt he'll do it again. I'll just have to remember to save a piece of fruit from lunch," I say.

"What are you doing this evening?" Zayn asks as we trudge up the stairs to our room. I've roomed with Zayn ever since coming to the academy and couldn't imagine sharing the space with anyone else. 

"I don't know, maybe we can rope Ave into watching the Office with us tonight."

"Doubt it, she hates that show."

Zayn is about to reply when a girl with dirty blonde curls walks by on her way downstairs and he stops in his tracks. 

"Zayn?" I ask but he just stays there until she's out of sight.

"What's wrong with you?" I laugh and look back at the girl, "Wait- is that Perrie Edwards?"

Zayn just nods as I pull him towards our room laughing my head off, "For a guy with the reputation as a player, you have no fucking game!"

"You're one to talk," He said, unlocking our door and walking inside, "Mr. Let’s-make-awkward-eye-contact-with-Louis-and-see-if-nobody-notices."

"You saw that?" I groan and Zayn laughs,

"Yes, but I'm sure I was the only one. Wait until I tell Ave!"

"I'll call her," I offer, lying down on my bed and pulling out my phone, "Maybe she'll bring dinner up for us."

"Really milking that fake relationship deal huh?" Zayn laughed, tugging at his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

"For all it's worth."

Ava ends up bringing us dinner, bless her, and walks into the room unphased that I'm in my boxers and Zayn is shirtless. 

"Got your lazy arses food," She said and dumped a box of food onto the small coffee table in the middle of the room.

"Thank you, Avacado!" I sing and hurry to open the bag. "Oh yes!" I cheer when I see the small serving of pie.

"You're welcome." She said and flopped onto Zayn's bed and stealing the remote from him.

"Hey!" He complains as she switches the Office to Gossip Girl. "That was the Halloween episode when Michael falls into the Koi Pond!"

"Does it look like I care?" She asks as a steamy scene of Blaire and Chuck making out flashes on the screen.

"I think I'm going to throw up the pie I just ingested," I mutter, gagging a bit.

"Aim for the toilet," Is all Ava says.

While she and Zayn watch the episode I go to my own bed and try to get that horrible image of them kissing out of my head. I pick up my phone and send a text to my mom and Gemma,

**Harry:** Hi mom I just watched an episode of gossip girl that made me very uncomfortable, how was your evening?

I could be open with her and Gem the way I was with Ava and Zayn. That makes four people I'm not constantly lying to. 

**Mom:** I'm not sure if I should be laughing or concerned. The evening has been great, and I just made myself a cup of tea.

**Gemma:** Ewww, why were you watching Gossip Girl???

**Harry:** Avacado and Zayn.

**Gemma:** Oh, tell them I say Hi!

I look up from my phone, "Gemma says hi!" 

Zayn looks like he's fallen asleep on Ava's shoulder and Ava waves as if Gemma can see her from 3000 miles away in New York.

**Harry:** Ava waved, and Zayn is asleep.

**Gemma:** I feel appreciated.

**Mom:** Get some sleep both of you.

**Gemma:** It's 5:00 here.

**Mom:** Oh right honey I keep forgetting the time change.

**Harry:** Enjoy the rest of your evening Gem, I'm off to sleep.

**Gemma:** Good night H, I love you!!

**Mom:** Good night babies.

**Gemma:** It's 5:00.

I smile shutting off my phone. It's been too long since the three of us have been together and I missed them like crazy.

"I'm off to my room now," Ava says, sliding away from the snoring Zayn and picking up her things, "See you dorks tomorrow."

"Love you Avacado," I say before climbing under my covers.

I don't go to sleep immediately though and instead lie awake thinking about Louis. So today had proven he remembered I use to give him my cookie every day at lunch. Is that all he remembered? He also was looking at me, and then there was that whole eye game we played. 

I smile to myself as I remember those couple of blissful minutes. No faking it, no Mr. straight just me and my old childhood crush shyly making eye contact. 

As I finally drifted off to sleep that night, I couldn't help but be excited for what tomorrow might bring.


	4. Friday

Fast traslate 

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**_"Sometimes the greatest adventure is simply a conversation."_ **

**_~Amadeus Wolfe_ **

"We made it!" Zayn mumbled the next morning as he rolls out of his bed and collapse into the hardwood floor. "Ow."

"Um, Zayn?" I look at his limp figure on the ground, his eyes are half open and his hair is sticking out all over his head. "You alright there, mate?"

"Yeah," He said, not moving from where he still lies on his back facing the ceiling, "I meant we made it to Friday. Last day of stupid dentition and then a full weekend free!"

Free.

"What should we do?" He asks me as I stand in front of the mirror to tie my tie. It's dark red and blue with the small Ruthwood crest embroidered on the bottom. 

"How about we go down to the cinema-" I start but then my phone starts to ring, "I'll get back to you on that," I say to Zayn who is still hasn't moved.

"Hello?"

"Hey hon, happy Friday." My mom's voice says over the speaker and I smile,

"And what do I owe the pleasure?" There is a pause and then a long sigh, "Mom are you alright?"

"Honey, I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"Hold on," I leave Zayn who is still on the floor and walk out into the hallway where I jog down the two long flights of stairs and out the back door into a small garden. I've never been in here before but looking around I might come here more often. It's secluded enough from the rest of the school that I can have a conversation in private and it's quite beautiful and Victorian with overgrown rose bushes and ivory covering the sides of the brick walls.

"Ok, I'm alright now," I say, sitting down on a wooden bench.

"So as you know Gemma now has a job an office job in New York," 

I nod, "Yeah, is she alright?"

"Oh of course darling, it’s...well, work around here hasn't been easy, and not many people need a town-friendly bookstore with all the big box stores and malls that have popped up around our small town."

I don't see where this is going, "Did you lose your job or something?" I ask confused.

"Yes, I got laid off."

No.

_Next Chapter Books_ was where I had spent all of my childhood after school, grazing through all the fairytales as my mom helped people at the counter. "T-they can't be going out of business, I-I love that place, you love that place!"

"It's not going under; it was just bought by a bigger company and they already have enough employees so...so they didn't need me."

"So- so now what?"

"Well Gemma is still bringing in money," My mom says slowly, "And I'm hoping to get a job at a local cafe..."

"Do you need me to get a job?"

"No, I need something else from you."

"What? Anything!"

"Since I'm out of work and Gemma doesn't bring enough in yet to cover your tuition...you're on scholarship as of right now."

"What?"

"And you can _keep_ that scholarship if you keep your grades up, now I just talked with Ms. Peterson..."

I groan, "Don't even tell me."

"I won't but please honey, will you try a bit harder?"

I would do anything for my mom, "Yes, I'll do better."

"Thank you, baby, I know this is hard, but it isn't forever. As soon as Gem gets a promotion and I get a new job, things should start to even out."

I don't even dare bring up that I've been going hungry during the day now. That would just kill her, and she's already hurt as it is. 

"I have to get ready now mom," I say, picking at the branch of a rose bush next to me. One of the thorns pricked my finger and I drew in a quick breath as a crimson drop of blood starts to form on my finger. 

"Ok, Harry, I love you," She says a bit sadly and I take a deep breath, I would show her I could pull this off.

"Love you to mom, and don't worry I'll be good."

"I know you will." And she hung up.

I sit there on the bench sucking my finger for a moment taking everything in. I was about to stand up when I heard a slight rustling in a nearby bush. Must be a bird I thought, getting up and trudging back into the dorms to finish getting ready for the day. 

"So?" Zayn presses when I open the door. He has gotten up from the ground now and was brushing his slick black hair out of his eyes, "What do you want to do tomorrow? Should we go into town, catch a film, flirt with the city girls...well not you but..." Zayn trails off as I roll my eyes,

"I can't I have homework."

"What?" Zayn exclaimed, "You're going to spend your day off from class and dentition to do schoolwork?"

"I... I have to get my grades up."

"Why?" Zayn asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the idea.

"Mom lost her job at the bookstore and I'm on scholarship if I can get my grades up."

"No, for real?"

"Does it look like I'm joking?" I snap, grabbing my bookbag. I didn't mean to get mad at Zayn, I'm so tired of my life.

"Sorry mate, I didn't mean anything by it," Zayn says softly, crossing the room to give me a hug.

"I- I'm so sick of this!" I say, feeling my cheeks get warm. "Of Ava, of Ruthwood, of everything!"

"I know, I know," Zayn says soothingly, rubbing my back, "Look on the bright side, you get to see Louis's pretty face in detention this afternoon."

As pathetic as it was, my spirits did perk up at this and I wiped my eyes quickly, "I'm putting some cold water on my face and then we can head down for breakfast." I sighed, heading to the bathroom.

"Ok, and Harry," Zayn calls and I turn around, "I know this is all fucked up, but Ava and I are always here for you, you know, that right?"

"Yeah, I know." And I did. The two of them had been my rock for the past two years and I loved them both with all my heart. 

* * *

"Nice job Mr. Styles," Ms. Peterson says looking down at my essay and extra credit map of France. I had skipped lunch again and had spent a whole hour that afternoon labeling all the cities, territories, and battlegrounds.

"Thank you," I said, looking down at my feet. 

"I admire your hard work especially under your current circumstances." She says quietly.

"Y-you won't say anything, right?"

"I am legally not allowed, and I won't." She says kindly and I smile at her gratefully,

"Thank you."

"You're dismissed and keep up the hard work, I know you have it in you Styles,"

I exit the room and then remembering I don't have gym today, get a rush of excitement as I hurry to the library.

"Someone looks enthusiastic for detention," Zayn sings from where he leans against the door, waiting for me.

"And someone looks like they need a life." I shoot back.

We enter the library and Mr. Harrison stands there in the front, looking bored as ever. He doesn't even make an exit comment and leaves us at our tables. 

Silently I start pulling out my homework and make a quick glance up at Louis whose eyes are on me again. Thank god I'm sitting, or I might have fallen over due to my limbs feeling all weak and giddy.

He then does a subtle nod towards my right and I frown, "What?" I mouth to him and he does it again. A slight nod to the right, indicating something's there. I turn and see another small brown bag with the words _Blue Door Bakery_ printed on the front. 

He did not!

And inside, just like yesterday sits a warm chocolate chip cookie. My hungry stomach almost growls in anticipation as bring it to my mouth and nibble on the corner, relishing the sweetness. "Thank you." I mouth and for the first time, Louis mouths something back at me,

"You're welcome."

"Oi," Someone says, shattering the mood and I look up. 

Niall had moved a table closer to me and Zayn, his script neglected on the table behind him. 

"What?" I snap, annoyed he had ruined my moment with Louis.

"If we're going to be stuck together for another whole week and a half, I want to know what you all lunatics did to earn detention."

"Easy," Zayn snorts, "I couldn't get into a girl's pants and had to streak across the school. Styles here just came along for the fun."

"Ah!" Niall says with a small laugh, "I thought I saw two pale ass butt cheeks running through the courtyard that day."

"Liked the view huh?" Zayn jokes and Niall snorts,

"You wish,"

"Excuse me?"

"Geez, I meant nothing by it. Not that you care, but I have a girlfriend. Her name is Amelia and she's the reason I'm here."

"Context please," Zayn says, pretending to be interested.

"I was on stage, rehearsing for our play, and uh, we are going through a thing right now and she called me while we were blocking the first scene."

"So?"

"So, Ms. Anderson has a strict No Phones on Stage policy."

Zayn choked, "And that's the reason you earned a _week_ of detention?"

"Um yes, I would be pissed but stage rules should be taken seriously, and I broke them," Niall said a bit too seriously and I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"So what about you Payne? Is it true what the people say? Did you cheat in science class?" Niall presses on. 

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Don't think I need to share my life story with a bunch of twats who pick on me every day." He snarls and Niall raises both hands,

"Dude, sorry but I'm not the enemy here, it's those two you need to be barking at."

"Fine, but yes, I cheated. I deserve the punishment though, as Niall said."

"So, Louis?" And everyone turns to him.

"What?" 

It's the third time I've heard him speak and it gives me chills, how can a voice sound so effortlessly...sexy?

"Why you in this shithole with the rest of us?" Niall asks, rolling his eyes.

"I abused the bathroom stalls with a sharpie." He said calmly and I thought I was going to die. He had no right to do this to me.

"What? Why? Were you like taking a massive shit and got bored so you decided to draw on the walls or something?" Zayn asks looking genuinely confused at his statement and I glanced over at Louis, who I swear had a small smile playing on his lips.

Niall and Liam also began to press their lips together to hold in a laugh.

"No," Louis says, his face composed, "If you must know, I was stalling in there because I didn't want to go to gym."

I couldn't help myself, "Stalling, ha-ha...get it?"

Four pairs of unamused eyes looked at me and I shrunk in my seat, I had _no_ game. The first time Louis decides to speak, and I let slip one of my god-awful puns?

"Anyways, H that was horrible." Zayn said and I grimace, "You were hiding in the bathroom, writing on the walls because you didn't want to go to gym?" He clarified and Louis nodded. 

"Well, did you at least write something interesting? Maybe like 'don't force it' or something?" Niall jokes.

"I- no, I didn't just some song lyrics."

"Are they still there?" Liam asks looking interested.

"Um-" Louis began to look flustered. "I-I don't know."

I had never seen Louis look nervous. He was always so cool and collected but I liked it. He looked cute.

"Which bathroom?" Niall asks getting up, "Let's take a field trip, everyone!"

"No!" I hiss, the scholarship in the back of my mind.

Niall stops and Louis looks a bit hurt. Damn it, I can't do anything right. "It's not that I don't want to see them." I say quickly to Louis, "I do, I really do- what I'm saying is that if we get caught that's a whole extra week."

"What? Is this not the most exciting afternoon plans you could think of?" Niall asks pretending to be offended, "Five people from different parts of the school stuck in a room. This is like movie shit or something."

"I guess it could have some perks," Liam says, thinking.

"Like what?"

"Like we can finally have the opportunity to get to understand one another!" Niall says and I raise my eyebrows,

"Why would we want to do that?"

"Are you always a dick?" Niall asks instead and I squirm.

"No, he's not." Two voices say at the same time. One forceful and the other quiet.

I stare stunned at not the first voice, which was Zayn, but Louis's who sits there in the back, listening to the conversation. Does that mean he remembers me from Primary school?

"Well, whatever, what I'm saying is we should make the most out of these detentions. Maybe something good will come out of it."

"I have an idea." Liam pipes up but I barely hear him. Louis and I are in another staring contest, neither of us looking away as if each of us is trying to send the other a non-verbal message but it's not going through.

"What if we each pick an activity of our interest and make the others participate. That could be a way to make these detentions less...silent."

"So you've noticed it too?" Louis asks and the two of them share a nod in agreement.

"It's not like _you_ were helping." Niall points out to Louis, "You literally spoke a minimal of three words if not less for the past two days."

"I spoke to Harry at least twice, more than three words," Louis contradicted.

"Mouthing words doesn't count," Zayn interjects and I stay quiet, not trusting my mouth.

"So are we going to play something or not?" Liam sighs looking at the lot of us like we are a group of children in daycare he has to take care of.

"Yes, we are going to play, but what you said made no sense Payno," Zayn says and Liam frowns,

"Payno?"

"Yeah, like a nickname? Harry is H, I'm Zee."

"Harry is also Haz," Louis adds quietly and my breath catches in my throat. As if by magic, I am all of a sudden five years old again, standing in the rain watching my books get destroyed in a puddle.

_Flashback_

_I was trembling as I stared down at the new schoolbooks mommy had gotten me two days ago. How could I have been so clumsy I think, and wipe at my eyes. The new schoolbooks mommy had bought for me we now getting spoiled from the puddle they lay in because I tripped._

_A small sob escaped my lips and then I couldn't stop it. The tears fell faster than the patter of rain all around me and I sunk down next to the puddle. What would she say when she saw them all wet and ruined?_

_"Hello?" A voice called to me, but I ignored them. If it was just another of those stupid lads who called me a girl when I came to school with the painted nails Gem gave me, I wouldn't let them help me. They would just make things worse._

_"Go away." I cried, not even turning around. I closed my eyes, waiting for one of them to kick me or something but the impact never came. Instead, a small hand rested on my back and I turned to see the prettiest boy in all my school._

_His name was Louis Tomlinson but, in my head, I called him Lou. I couldn't tell anyone why, but I loved this boy. He was always nice to me in class and never was mean to me like the other boys. He also told me once that he liked my pink nails and that one day, I should help him do them like mine._

_"Oh, it's you," I said, quickly rubbing away any more of my stupid tears. I didn't want to look like a baby in front of this pretty boy._

_"Are you alright Harry?" He asks and slowly began to fish my books out of the puddle._

_"Y-yeah, I think so." I stutter. Louis never really talked with me, but I always gave me my cookie at lunch and he always said thank you. That was another reason I loved him._

_"Looks like you book went for a swim," He jokes, and I force a smile but then frown._

_"My mommy is going to be so disappointed in me. She worked hard to pay for those books, and I've gone and ruined them." It was no use, I started to cry again._

_"It's alright Haz, we all trip." He says softly and gives me a side hug._

_"Haz?"_

_"Yeah, can I call you that? It's more fun than just plain Harry."_

_"Ok," I agreed, eager to please this nice boy in front of me._

_"Which book was the most expensive?" Louis asks as we walk to school._

_I hold up our reading book which drips slightly onto the ground, "This one I think."_

_Louis takes it from me and hands me his, "Here, my mom won't mind as much."_

_"R-really?"_

_"Yeah, what are friends for?"_

_"We're friends-?" I had started to ask but then a group of girls had run past us, giggling at the sight of Louis. All the girls loved him, how could they not. I did. He was so_ lovely _._

_"Keep your cookie today." He whispers to me and then walked into the classroom leaving me, soaking wet and clutching onto the dry reading book he had given me, wondering if we were friends._

_End of flashback_

"You remember?" I say in a tone just above a whisper and Louis nods, 

"'Couse, I didn't get a cookie that day at lunch."

I bite my lip to keep from grinning too much. 

"Alright, alright," Zayn claps, regaining my attention, "Back to what Payno was saying, what?"

"I'm working with a bunch of dummies." He mutters, "What I'm saying is that we should each do something the others would do for fun, like a game, to get to know each other. Like um, Niall, since you do theater you could lead us in an improv game or something."

Niall beams at this, "This could be fun!" He rubs his hands together.

"No way am I don't theater shit!" I say crossing my arms.

"Came on Haz," Louis teases lightly, and just like that, I'm participating in an improv game.

"Alright, this game is called Everchanging Emotions," Niall announces handing each of us a page of his scrip, Midsummer Night's Dream. "You're supposed to look stupid during this game so Harry, Zayn, it should be easy for you," Niall smirks in our direction.

Zayn makes a face and I flip him off.

Niall continues, "So I've written down ten different emotions on here," He motions to a box of folded up papers, "And what you do is draw one out and, in that emotion, you read from the script."

"And the point of the exercise is that the dialogue doesn't match the emotion whatsoever." Liam interrupts and Niall nods.

"Who wants to go first?" Niall asks and Liam shrugs,

"I'll go since none of the others seem to have the mental compacity to understand how to play."

"I reject that," Louis mutters.

Liam picks a paper out of the box and looks at it, he frowns in concentration and then contorts his face in the peppiest, overexaggerated smile face I have ever encountered in my life.

"Before the time I did Lysander see, seemed Athens as a paradise to me. O, then, what graces in my love do dwell, that he hath turned a heaven unto a hell!" Liam projects the passage loudly throughout the theater. 

And though he is reading as Hermia, who is swearing she'll never see Demetrius again, Liam reading the page with the happiest and bubbly voice he can muster making the whole ordeal extremely comical.

When he finishes, we are all laughing, and it seems the ice has been broken.

"That was probably the most awful rendition of Shakespeare I have ever seen!" Niall exclaimed happily as we all clap and Liam takes an awkward bow.

"Appreciate it mate, Louis you're up."

Louis looks a bit nervous as he digs into the box, pulling up a paper and reading it.

I barely register him, all I can think about is Louis, within seconds, will be reciting Shakespeare in front of me. 

He folds the paper again and tucks it into the pocket of his trousers. "I am sorry in advance if I blind you all with this horrible, horrible passage and acting."

He could never.

Biting the inside of his cheek, Louis's whole face changes into deep despair as he reads, "My lord, I'm just as noble and rich as he is. I love Hermia more than he does. My prospects are as good as his, if not better. And beautiful Hermia loves me—which is more important than all those other things I'm bragging about. Why shouldn't I be able to marry her?"

Niall doesn't speak for a moment, none of us do. In contrast to Liam's comical performance, Louis's is emotional, intense, and moving. It's like he really is declaring his love for Hermia and their fate lies in the hands of her disapproving father.

I wish I were Hermia.

"That was..." Niall is at a loss for words, "That was beautiful. Have you ever considered trying theater?"

"No," Louis mumbled, blushing a bit.

"How come mine looked like rubbish and Louis's looked like he came out of a sixteenth-century?" Liam scowls. 

"Because you got an emotion that didn't match your passage," Louis says simply before sitting down five inches away from me. I slowly look at him through the corner of my eye and then look away trying to be sneaky.

"But the point is for them not to match," Liam argues. 

"Relax, I picked randomly like you."

"What did you get?" I ask him quietly and Zayn hops up to pick his paper from the container.

Louis reaches into his pocket and pulls out the white folded piece of paper and hands it to me, our hands brush lightly as I take it from his and I notice many thin red scratches all along his arm.

"What happened?" I breathe and Louis quickly hides his arms behind him, "Nothing important."

Is he alright? I'm about to push the question because if he's hurting himself, I've got to know. I've got to be able to help him, but Louis motions the paper, so I open it.

**_Passion_** , it reads in Niall's hurried scribble.

"W-when you recited it," I start before I lose my nerve, "It was really beautiful."

"It helps to have a muse," Louis said and then before I can realize what he means, he turns to Zayn who is angrily shouting the lines of Puck who has just put the four lovers to sleep.

We end detention that afternoon in a much better mood than yesterday and though I would never admit it, I will be looking forward to Monday for the first time in my life.

We are on our way out when I remember something, "You go on without me." I tell Zayn who agrees and starts for the dorms as I rush after the short brown-haired boy. 

"Louis! Louis, Lou!" I call running after him and he comes to a halt, turning back to face me.

"Um, hi Harry." He says nervously, looking around. 

I'm confused for a moment, why does he look like he's just walked into a lion's den, but then I realize we are at the entrance to the dining hall and the mass of students entering for dinner are all staring at us.

"Is that Harry Styles talking to loner boy Louis?" Someone whispers and I frown,

"Let's get out of here," I say, and Louis follows me.

I circle around the back of the building and lead him to the small garden I had discovered this morning.

"I found this place this morning," I tell him and turn to see Louis standing a couple of feet behind me, his hands in his pockets, looking like a little flower that's out of place in a field of grass. "Um, are you ok?" I asked nervously wondering if I had done something to make him feel uncomfortable.

"I'm fine, I'm...why are you talking to me?"

"W-what do you mean?" I ask. Had I been reading the situation wrong, was he not...into me? My heart broke a bit at the thought.

"I mean, you're Harry Styles. Mr. Popular, Mr. Cool, Mr. I-replace-real-friends-with-fake-ones."

Oh, so that's what this was about.

"Lou, I-"

But Louis keeps going, "Did you not hear what they were saying in the dining hall? 'Is that Harry Styles talking to loner boy Louis?' Why are you talking with me like we never left primary school?"

"I-I don't know, I thought we, I thought we could maybe go back to being friends? Yesterday when you handed me that cookie I thought-"

He softens at this and the change in expression allows me to let out the breath I had been holding.

"I still want to be friends, I never stopped, it was you who stopped." 

"What do you mean? I never saw you around school until dentition."

Louis bit his lip, and his face looks hurt, "Of course you didn't. I'm a nobody. It's not like I've had the same literature and math classes with you for the past two years. It's not like we don't live on the exact same floor and I see you every night walking into your room with Zayn and Ava. It's not like I hear the laughter coming from behind your door and wish it were me."

"Y-You..." But I can't form words. I thought I was helping myself by putting up this fake front but instead, I pushed away the opportunity to be friends with someone who liked me for me.

"I'm really sorry Lou," I whisper, too ashamed to meet his blue eyes which were on the verge of tears, "Things have been... rough and I-I thought being...not me would make things better. I never wanted to hurt you. Fuck, I didn't even think you remembered me."

Louis's mouth drops at my confession, "Damn it, Harry, I remember everything about you. You used to give me your cookie _every day_ at lunch and you held the door for me every chance you got."

I blush at my childish attempts to get his attention.

"And the day you came to school with your nails painted pink. I thought you were the coolest!"

"You told me that one day I should help you do yours," I say quietly and Louis nods,

"And I would still take you up on the offer."

My breath hitches at the thought of painting Louis's nails, of doing anything with him.

"I'm really sorry about how I treated you when we both came to Ruthwood. I- things from my last school and my family have been tough recently."

"I know," Louis reveals before his eyes go wide, realizing what he said.

"Y-You do?" I asked confused. I'm not mad but I had kept my personal life very vague to everyone except Zayn and Ava, so I am curious how he knew.

"I... ok, um. So, this garden...I come here a lot to write and think about stuff." Louis studders and I wait for him to continue. "So this morning I woke up early to come down here to finish a song of mine and... well that when I heard you open the door. Y-You were talking to your mom...on the phone?"

So that's what the rustling in the bushes had been, I think. "You heard...everything?"

"I didn't mean to, I- I was surprised and so I hid. No one ever comes down here."

"So you know...about the scholarship?"

Louis nods, "I won't say anything," He adds, and I nod.

"Thank you."

"So," Louis starts, trying to break the moment of silence that has fallen between us, "A lot had changed since primary school."

It isn't a question, "In some ways, yeah." I answer. Do I really want to add another person to my no lying to list? It's Louis, of course, I do! Be brave Harry, I demand to myself.

"And you and Ava doing alright still?"

"Yeah- huh?"

"You and Ava? 'It' couple of the school, guaranteed prom queen and king third year in a row?"

Come on Harry!

"No," I blurt out and all the tension in my chest releases, I did it!

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean I'm not with Ava...she's just a friend, a sister more like it actually."

"Um, what?" Louis jokes but I can tell he's confused.

"I was bullied before coming to Ruthwood...about my sexuality."

Louis starts to nod,

"And she was too, except about her looks and stupid girly shit like that. We decided to help one another."

I don't need to explain any further because Louis has caught on, "Good to know." He says and then smiles a bit.

He doesn't look disgusted, freaked out, or anything and I take that as a good sign. "I'm...I'm pretty much that same little boy who holds doors and shares cookies when I'm with Ava and Zayn." 

"I've missed him." 

"Come hang out with us this weekend?" I ask tentatively, "I think I can call him up for you."

This makes Louis grin, "I'd really like that!"


	5. Saturday

Fast traslate 

Icon translate 

**_"If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden."_ **

**_~ Frances Hodgson Burnett_ **

I have been awake for hours. For the first hour, I lay in the dark, thinking how today, I would be spending the day with Louis.

What would we do? Maybe we could hang around the courtyard or take a walk around the grounds. Maybe stop in the kitchens and ask Barbra if we could try some of the new foods. Zayn and I did this sometimes, and it was fun tasting all the new creations. The cooks always were preparing marvelous dishes to serve during meals and I often went there in search of some free food, when I could.

I knew Zayn would be out for the day in town with the other lads and I had homework, but I wouldn't pass up this chance to hang out with Louis. Ava could join us, that might be fun. That is if she doesn't scare him away first. I remind myself to demand to her before meeting him in the garden this morning not to embarrass me or anything like that.

The sun started to rise over the hills beyond the school and I shifted under my covers so I could look out the window. At first, it was just a beam of bright golden light peeking out behind the horizon, but slowly the colors started to fill the sky until it was a sea of pink and purple. 

I quickly got out of bed and threw a sweatshirt over my flannel pajama pants and padded to the door, careful not to wake up the snoring Zayn a couple of feet away. I was too excited for sleep so I might as well watch the sunrise, which was something I surprisingly had never done before.

The halls were dark and silent since everyone was still asleep. I walked down the stairs and headed back to the small garden I had discovered yesterday, and the place I had reconnected with Louis.

I quietly opened the old, rusty door and almost pissed myself when I saw a figure sitting farther out wrapped in a blanket. They looked like a ghost, wrapped up in a blanket that was blowing in the light wind. I guess I want the only one who couldn't sleep this morning.

I inched forward, trying to see who it was but wasn't successful. 

"Hello?" I whispered and the figure jumped and turned around.

Liam Payne.

"Oh, hi Harry," He greeted me, his breath visible in the cold morning air.

"Hey," I said and walked towards him, the dewy grassy making my feet cold under my thick woolen socks, "Can I join you?"

"Sure, I guess." He looked uncomfortable. 

Why did I do this to people?

"What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask the same to you," Liam points out.

"But I asked first."

He rolled his eyes, "Couldn't sleep."

"Do you always come out here when you can't sleep?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful and sunrises are so much more magical than sunsets."

"How so?" 

Liam spreads his blanket out a bit farther so I can sit down, and I pull my legs up to my chest, facing the sun.

"Well for me it's that almost everyone sees the sunset, but only a select few watch the sunrise. I don't know, it sounds silly, but it makes me feel special. Like I've witnessed something many didn't."

"Interesting way to think out it, but I like it. I'm glad I'm one of the select few today."

Lima turns to me, "You're different...when you're not 'in school' I mean."

"I technically am still in school right now,” But Liam shakes his head,

"Technically the property line for school grounds is roughly five feet back there." He points back to our dorms."

"Smartass," I mutter, "But...thanks, I guess. I've been hearing that a lot recently."

"Well it's true, I like detention Harry better anyways."

Detention Harry was almost real Harry.

"I like detention Liam better than Payne in the Class Liam," I respond and Liam gawks, 

"That's what you all call me?"

"Um, yeah. Sorry, but you seriously make the rest of us look like bloody idiots...at everything."

"Maybe it's because you are.”

I flick him on the head. "How rude, I happen to be pulling all A's at the moment...except in math."

"Math is easy for me," Liam sighs.

"It's all easy for you." 

"No, I had to work at it."

"Oh, so you weren't born baby Einstein?"

"Nope, I just had a lot of time on my hands."

"Is that all you do then? Study?"

"Well, I don’t have um, many friends as you have pointed out countless times."

I cringe but before I can apologize, he continues, "And I was diagnosed with insomnia when I was about nine, so I use the time I'm awake to read and stuff like that. Might as well." He adds half-heartedly.

"I-I'm sorry," I say awkwardly. 

"It's alright, I'm being treated for it so..."

"Is that why you know so much? Because with the time you don't sleep you study?"

"Yeah, I guess that would be the reason."

"Is that why you are up right now?"

"Yup, every morning I'm out here." He takes in a long breath and then turns to face me again, “So, what brings you out here this morning?"

I look up at the sun which is now a pool of bright light in the sky, "Couldn't sleep either but...not for the same reason."

"What's the reason?"

I don't want to tell him, but he did tell me his reason so unless I want to be a total dick, which I don't, I should have the decency to return the explanation.

"Thinking...about someone."

"Ava?"

"No- wait what?"

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yes, I mean no- I mean that's not who I was thinking about."

"Who then?"

Damn it.

"Louis."

"Why?"

"Um, we talked yesterday."

"We all talked yesterday."

I sigh, why was he making this so difficult for me, "Louis and I have actually known each other since primary school..."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Were you friends?"

"It's complicated." 

"How is it complicated?"

How do I explain to him that I use to _love_ him? Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I couldn't even admit that to myself out loud. 

"We were sorta friends, it was mostly me who wanted to be friends."

"But when you came here you became too cool for him?" Liam guesses.

I cringe again, "It's not really like that but...yeah I guess you could say that. I'm not proud of it."

"There is more to you than meets the eye." Liam comments and I take it as a compliment,

"I can say the same about you Payno."

"Is Zayn the same way? Nicer when he's not in front of an audience?"

"He's a teddy bear when he's out of the spotlight."

"All these theater analogies," Liam laughs, "Niall is rubbing off on us."

"I guess we all are a bit."

"You know what? I might not mind detention as much now." Liam says, standing up and I do the same. "I think the lot of us might actually have some fun."

"Funny you should say that I was thinking the same thing."

"Nice talking with you, I guess I'll see you around?" Liam asks and I smile,

"Guess so." 

Who knew that waking up early and watching the sunrise could have ended with making a new friend? And that's four I guess now; I think to myself walking back to the dorms excited for the day ahead of me.

* * *

"Zayn!" I yell for the fourth time in a row and he comes trudging back to the closet where I stand in front of the mirror. I am having the most difficult time figuring out what I should wear today all due to a certain someone who I will be hanging out with.

"What?" Zayn grumbles walking over, "I'm leaving soon."

"I know, but how's this?"

He looks down at my loose pair of cargo jeans and my dark green hoodie, "It's the exact same outfit you called me over to look at a couple of minutes ago." He points out.

"No, it's not. That hoodie was black."

"Harry, you're going to be fine. Plus, Ava will be around, you have nothing to worry about."

I disregard this, "So?" I spin in a circle.

"You look great H, the hoodie really matches your eyes."

I smile proudly, "Thank you Zayn, now that wasn't so hard was it?"

"I'm off," He says, shaking his head at me before pulling me into a hug, "Have fun today, be yourself. I love you."

"You sound like my mom."

"Guilty." He laughs, "And make your bed, it looks dreadful next to mine." Zayn's bed is cleanly made with all his pillows fluffed.

"Bye!"

"Bye."

And he's gone. Ava said she wouldn't meet us until we had figured out what to do and now, I was panicking. Chill out Harry, it's just Louis.

On shaky legs, I make my way down the stairs and to the small garden, nervously fidgeting with one of the many rings I wore on my fingers. 

I open the door to the outside and see Louis already there, dressed in an oversized white t-shirt, tan trousers, and his hair in perfect fringe, framing his pretty face.

"Hi," I say shyly and shut the door behind me.

"Hey. You look nice."

I press my lips together and look down at my feet. These butterflies were out of control. "You do too," I mumble.

"Aw look at you," Louis laughs, "You're all shy and embarrassed."

"And you’re talking in more than just single sentences," I quip and try to hide the blush that I knew was tinting my cheeks. 

"It's because now I have people who will talk with me, I actually had a nice conversation with Niall at breakfast." He continues and we start walking out of the garden and down to the path that twists its way around the school.

"Really? Was he trying to get you to join the drama club?" 

"Actually he was." Louis rolls his eyes, "But there's no way I would ever."

"I would come and watch you," I say quietly mostly to myself, but Louis heard, 

"Thanks, Haz but I'm sure you would be the only one."

"No!" I disagree, "That monologue you read in detention was perfect."

"You flatter me. I did take him up on helping with some of the songwriting for their new play next year."

"Is that what you are always writing in that little book? Songs?"

"Yeah. Got into it about a year ago."

"What do you write about?"

"Anything, everything. Whatever I'm feeling, whatever I find interesting. It varies."

"What was the most recent thing you wrote about?"

"I'm not sharing that's personal." He says teasingly.

"Aww, come on Lou! I won't laugh or anything."

"I know you won't." He said and then looked around. "Hey, how about we do this instead."

"What?"

"Our field trip...to the bathroom. You can see what I wrote on the stalls."

"Do you think it's still there?" I ask as we hurry up the steps back into the main hall of the school.

The entire building is almost empty since many of the students are in town shopping for the upcoming formal. 

"This way," Louis directs and we head down a side passage to the science labs.

"It's so weird seeing you out of uniform," I say, giving myself an excuse to gaze at him from head to toe. 

"Same, I guess even in primary school we had to wear those damn little sweater things."

We pass the science classrooms and I stop in my tracks when I see the life-sized skeleton in the window, "That is disturbing." 

"But you see it every week in class, how are you disturbed?"

"I sleep during science, I guess not anymore though." My shoulders slump as I remember the scholarship.

"Of course Mr. Cool himself would sleep during science."

"You think I'm cool?" Giving him a cheeky grin.

"I won't answer that to avoid feeding your gigantic ego." Louis says and rounds the corner, "Here we are."

"Why don't you like gym?" I ask as we walk in.

"I'm bad at it. I'm also always a target when we are playing football and such because I'm small and not very good."

"You _are_ short." I notice, looking at his head which just barely surpasses my neck. 

"Stop it!" He shoves me with his shoulder.

My skin burns under my sweatshirt from the contact.

"Here it is!" Louis says proudly, unaware of my moment of shock.

I walk over to him and sure enough, in bold black sharpie reads, 

_'We made a start. Be it a false one, I know. Baby, I don't want to feel alone.'_

"Is it an original song?" I ask not recognizing the lyrics.

"Yeah, it is." Louis looks nervous, but I don't know why.

"You don't want to feel alone? Do you write from personal experiences?"

"Usually, this one is at least."

"Well you're not alone," I state looking down at him.

"How do you know?" He challenges.

"I'm with you."

"That is extremely sappy of you Haz, but I'll take it."

"Good, now let's get out of here. The toilet is not exactly the most romantic place to have a conversation."

"Romantic?" Louis raises his eyebrows at my word choice, and I frown at my word choice,

"Romantic as in nice, as in charming, as in not a place I would like to continue a conversation..." I trail off, I'm just making things worse.

Though by the looks of it, Louis is thoroughly enjoying my rambling, "I like this you know?"

"Like what? Watching me be absolutely mortified?"

"No. Less uptight, relaxed, and... cute."

I almost tripped at his last word and quickly caught myself, "Am I really that big of a jerk usually?"

"Do you want me to answer that?" Louis laughs.

"No." 

"That's what I thought, but seriously, why can't you just be like this all the time?"

I walk towards the stairs that lead up to the dorm rooms and sit down, "Remember in primary school when I came to class that day with my nails painted pink?"

Louis sits down next to me, "Sure, and I asked you to do mine like yours one day?"

"Yeah well, you were the only one," A small sad smile found its way onto my lips as I continued, "I got picked on for being too girly. Because I liked playing dress-up and I didn't mind that Gem painted my nails."

"I had to learn that just because I liked things like that it didn't mean anything was wrong with me, but it took a while for me to realize that. I thought the best way to um, handle it was to just act normal."

"But normal is so overrated."

"But being weird is painful." I argue, "Every day I was laughed at, every day I was tormented because I was _me_."

"So when you came here you decided not to be _you_?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Screw what they all say, Harry. I like you just the way that you are. I did back then, and I do now."

"Really? Even after how awful I was to you when we both started here?"

"Even after that."

"Thank you, Lou," I whisper, "I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that, but I appreciate that you can."

"Harold?" Someone calls and I look up to see Ava prancing down the stairs from the dorms, "I thought I saw your curly head."

I stand up, "Lou, this is my friend and part-time girlfriend, Ava."

"Nice to meet you, Ava," Louis extends his hand but Ava just laughs and pulls him into a hug,

"So you're the guy who's trying to steal my man?" I hear her whisper into his ear, and I blush,

"Ava!" I scold but Louis doesn't look bothered.

"I thought you had homework you needed to do?" She asks and I groan, 

"I do, but I don't want to."

"How about we hang out and I'll help you finish whatever you have left." Louis offers and Ava nods, 

"That sounds good! We can put on the TV and help little Harold with his homework."

"Louis's littler." I point out and he bumps me, 

"Give it a rest will yuh?"

We start up the stairs and I couldn't help but Louis every now and then brushing his hand up against mine. I played it cool on the outside but on the inside, every inch of me was woozy with happiness. 

"Welcome to Harold and Zee's pigsty!" Ava announced and I frown,

"I prefer humble domain, but whatever."

Louis takes the next couple of moments looking around at the wall of pictures and posters we have tacked up on our wall. 

"Nice, Harry Potter." Louis approves of Zayn's small poster of the golden trio.

"Harry use to pretend we were them our first year here," Ava laughs, "We are a group who loves playing pretend."

"How could you not pretend you were at Hogwarts here?" I exclaimed, "It’s literally exactly like the real castle and we have a perfect group of three, plus my name _is_ Harry _._ "

"I support you playing pretend whole heartily," Louis nods and plops down on my bed, "So what homework do you have left?"

"Oh right, I forgot." I hurry over to my desk and rummage through my bookbag searching for my math textbook. "You any good at quadratic equations?"

"Bring it on." And I join Louis on my bed and spread the last three worksheets I need to finish.

"Don't do the work for me though," I remind him, "I actually need to learn this."

"Wasn't planning on it."

"You two are so boring." Ava huffs picking up the remote and turning on the TV to The Great British Bake Off.

"We are not boring! Are we boring?" I ask Louis.

"We are doing math homework...on a weekend. We might be a little boring."

"But like...a cool way," And Louis nods,

"Definitely boring in a cool way."

* * *

"Don't forget to square the U." Louis whispers and I quickly add the small two in the top right corner.

"There," I sigh satisfied that I had completed all my work.

"That wasn't so bad." Louis mused and proudly patted my mop of curls, "Now we can do something fun."

"Like what?"

"Watch the Great British Bake Off with me!" Ava calls from Zayn's bed and I stare at her,

"Have you been watching that for the past two hours?"

"Yes, I have an addiction to watching the making of pastries. Do you have a problem with that?"

"I think it's more you who has the problem," Louis mutters.

"I heard that." 

I couldn't believe it. Louis was getting along with Ava and I was having fun, being myself in front of a group of people. I hadn't told a lie in hours, the whole day even!

Someone's phone rings and Ava looks up from where the judges are now tasting the entries.

"Zayn just called, he says he has pizza for us! I'm going to go down and help him bring it up." And she hops off his bed and throws on a coat as she walks out.

A chilly draft breezed in from the open door as she leaves, and I shiver. 

"Cold?" Louis asks and hands me the throw blanket I keep at the end of my bed.

"Thanks." I smile and wrap it around me,

"Hey, share!" Louis whines and snuggles up next to me to pull the blanket over his small shoulder.

This close to him I get another whiff of musk and vanilla. I close my eyes and breath in again. It smells so good; hesmells _so_ good. My brain completely shuts off as I continue breathing in his scent.

"Harry?" Louis asks and I open my eye and then immediately jump back, my face alarming close to his. "W-Were you sniffing me?" He asks raising his eyebrows.

"I-I what? No, I was..." This is useless, what happened to not lying? "Yes, I was. You smell very nice."

Louis ducks his head shyly as I realizing I had made him blush, I grin, "What? Louis Tomlinson can't take compliments?"

"No, I can't. I'm always so awkward and don't know what to say."

"Say thank you." I suggest and scoot a bit closer to him, "I'll give you another and you will say thank you." 

"No..." Louis groans but then falls silent.

"Louis, I think that t-shirt looks super cool on you and am considering stealing it one day when you aren't looking."

"How is that a compliment?" Louis asks, "You just said you were considering stealing my clothes?"

"I want to steal them _because_ they are cool. There is the compliment."

"You're stretching it but, thank you, Harry," Louis says in an overexaggerated voice and I nod approvingly.

Just then the door opened, and Zayn and Ava come in with two large steaming boxes of pizza. Niall and Liam trail them in and I frown, "We have to share the pizza?"

"Hey now!" Niall interjects, "It's not fair to walk by my room and not give me a slice."

"Oh and I invited Liam," Zayn said and Liam gives a shy wave at me.

"Looks like you two got comfortable." Ava notices and I look to see that Louis and I were still engulfed in the blanket, practically on top of one another to keep warm.

"Turn up the heater?" I ask her and she scoffs, 

"Looks hot enough in here."

I blush wildly and I'm about to move to get my own slice when Louis lightly grabs my arm, "Stay for a bit longer?"

_'Baby, I don't want to feel alone'_ flickers through my head at his words and I stop moving to get up, "Yeah, sure." And pull the blanket farther over him.

"Well aren't you two cute." Niall teases and hands us two paper plates of cheese pizza.

"Thanks, Ni," Louis says and takes a bite, "Mhmm, this is good."

"That's L'Antica Pizzeria for you," Zayn says happily, munching on a slice.

"I'm off Harold," Ava said, grabbing another slice of pizza and slipping on her shoes, "See you, tomorrow boys."

"Wait, I thought you roomed with him?" Niall questions, looking from Ava who's walking towards the door and me, who is still wrapped up in a blanket with Louis on my lap.

Zayn lets out a snort and Louis and Liam exchange knowing smiles. "Oh, did I not tell you?" 

Niall shakes his head, "Tell me what?"

"Ava and I aren't really together, the unattraction to one another is mutual."

"So... it’s a fake relationship?" Niall looks puzzled, "Why?"

"That's a story for another time," Ava sings, "News flash, you're not the only good actor in this room." And with that, she walks out.

"I have so many questions," Niall mumbles through a mouth full of pizza,

"I do too, and I've known about them for the past two years," Zayn says and pats Niall on the shoulder.

"Never in a million years did I think I would be hanging out with you guys and eating pizza." Liam comments and we all nod in agreement.

"Detention, bringing people together since 1991," Zayn says and we stare at him. "What? I think I saw it on a shirt once."

"Zayn that was horrible." Liam laughs and shoves him.

"I agree," Niall joins in, "I have to go clean my ears after that. It sounds so cheesy."

As the three of them continue to bicker Louis shifts on my lap so he could face me. "You have pizza sauce on your face." Louis giggles and lifts his finger to wipe away some of the tomato sauce.

"That's so embarrassing," I mumble, looking down and letting my long curls cover my red cheeks. 

"Stop," Louis frowns, "Don't do that, I like seeing your face." He brushes my hair away and meets my eyes. There are crystal blue and just as safe and lovely as I remember from when we were younger.

"It's getting late." I yawn, looking down at the small clock on my nightstand, "Where is your dorm room again?"

"Just a couple doors down," Louis says sleepily and snuggles father into my side.

Maybe it was because we were half asleep or maybe it was because I knew all along things were supposed to be this way but having Louis here next to me was the most comfortable I had been in years.

"Well, they look like they're in their own little world." I hear Niall say. I'm about to respond but I can't. My lips won't move, and I fall into a deep sleep, Louis still curled into my side.


	6. Sunday

**_"A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world."_ **

**_~ Leo Buscaglia_ **

Something warm and soft brushes my cheek and I turn in my bed, hitting someone as I do so. "Zayn?" I mumble because I have no idea who else would be in my bed.

"I'm not going to take that too personally." A voice laughs and I open my eyes.

Sunlight pours through the open windows and I squint at the bright light, "Lou?" My voice is small and groggy. I rub my eyes and sit up. Louis is sitting next to me, his hair messy from sleep and his shirt rumpled. 

"Good morning." He says and reaches out to push a stray curl away from my face, "Zayn just went down for breakfast, but I said I would wait until you go up."

"Oh," I lie there for a moment, listening to Louis's pen scratch as he writes. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to learn that Liam has insomnia and that you snore. Don't worry though, it was cute."

"Doubt it." I grumble and sit up, pulling the comforter up to my chin and resting my head on his shoulder, "What have you been writing about?"

Louis turned the book away from me, "No peeking. Having someone read my journal would be like exposing my soul to you."

"Now, that's not such a bad thing is it?" 

I’d love to know what he was writing about.

"Maybe...one day I'll let you read it. But right now, let's get some food in you."

Louis gets up and stretches. He looks absolutely gorgeous. His eyes are a bit puffy still from sleep and his shirt is unbuttoned halfway down his chest exposing some skin. I try not to stare but am unsuccessful when Louis smirks, 

"Like what you see?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Tomlinson," But he's right, it's a nice view to wake up to.

"Can I use your shower? This hair is looking wild." Louis asked, trying to flatten his bed head with his hands as he looks at his reflection in the dark window.

"Sure, I'll get dressed, and then we can head down."

"Are you sure you...want to be seen with me?"

I hadn't thought about this, "I guess we could take our food to the little garden." 

Louis nods, "Sounds good." And he heads to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

I'm about to get up when I see Louis has left his notebook half open where he had laid next to me just moments before. It was open to a page full of writing as if it were begging me to read it.

I glance at the door, he just got in so I would have the time...

Biting my lip, I reach over and pick up the little black leather book. It's worn in and the pages are well-loved and littered with ink smudges. I look down at the page and see that it's titled; _Sunday, 6:00 am,_ And I start to read...

_Sunday, 6:00 am_

_I was very warm this morning when I woke up. This is probably because I was wrapped up in someone's arms. Harry's arms to be exact. That's right, the Harry Styles. It is still a bit strange to see him like I use to know him, shy and nice and adorable and I've missed it. He might not remember but I use to stare at him during class just as much as he did at me. I couldn't help it, he's so beautiful. Too beautiful for his own good might I add and has a big enough ego that I don't need to say anything, but I will in here._

_I know this is my songwriting journal, but screw that because I have something else to write about this morning. I spent the day with Harry yesterday and it was so much fun. Now I'm not gonna lie, I went in a bit skeptical, but I can't express how good it was to have my old friend back. It's not even like we were greatest friends when we were little, but everything just clicked. He's funny and charming and nothing like he usually is when I see him around school. And to think this all began in detention! I might give Mr. Harrison a hug tomorrow for reconnecting us. I won't actually be giving Mr. Harrison a hug, that's a bit weird, but it's the thought that counts._

_Harry is still asleep right now and he's so precious just sleeping next to me. I discovered he snores, isn't that the cutest thing?! I played with his curls for a while because I couldn't help it. Ugh, they're so soft I wish I could do that whenever I wanted. I know I'm being super creepy but I don’t feel like it was necessarily weird. Ok, it does now, but at the time it just felt right...like I don't know like this is how it's supposed to be._

_Maybe Aristotle is right. Maybe everything does happen for a reason. Maybe Harry and I were just destined to reunite or something. I don't know and my hand is getting tired from all this writing. I wish I could ask Haz about all this, but I'm scared. Maybe he'll think I'm some sort of freak. Like who believes in soulmate shit these days? I do, I think. Maybe I'll leave this page open for him to read when I'm not around. That won't be as scary as reciting in person how I've touched his hair while he was sleeping and that I feel like we are destined to be together. Yeah, Louis, you are a major creep. Oh shit, he's waking up. Gotta go byeee._

I look up from the page in shock and then reread it over to make sure I wasn't imagining the words I had just read. "... _And that I feel like we are destined to be together."_ Gives me chills because I've felt the exact same way. 

I stumble out of bed and get dressed, my mind still on his journal entry. I hear the water stop in the bathroom signaling he's finished with his shower. I guess I'll ask him about it at breakfast. 

"Thanks for letting me shower here," Louis says, emerging from the steamy bathroom in nothing but a towel and the droplets of water sparkling in his hair from the sunlight.

I sucked in a breath; he had no right making me feel this overwhelmed so early in the morning. Imagine waking up to this view every day. My middle gets excited just thinking about it.

"I just need to grab some clothes from my room." Louis continues and I nod. I don't trust my mouth to corporate around him looking like that. It would just end with another situation as I had in the bathroom yesterday. Though, from what I had read, he felt the same way too. Maybe I should just get the talk over with. No, not with him dressed like that. I would do it at breakfast.

"Um," Louis shifts awkwardly in his towel, "Are you going to answer me or just stand there like a tree?"

"I- what did you say?" I'm so flustered right now and Louis notices this,

"I asked if you wanted to come with me to my room." Louis smiles, "What? Too distracted the first time I said it?"

"Yeah, I-I'll come with you," I say and slip on my shoes. 

I follow him down the hall a couple of doors down and he unlocks his door, "Welcome, I'll just be a minute."

Thank god he's changing I think sitting down on his bed and looking around. His room is laid out exactly like mine but instead of movie posters decorating the room, he's graffitied the walls with words and lyrics in dark black sharpie. I read one of the little poems, 

_"If only he knew how I saw him, then he'd know he needn't change a thing."_

I read another, this one in angry flourishes,

_"Sometimes I wish you would just be mean to me so I would have a reason to hate you, but you never are, and I never do."_

I keep reading the little writings he has scribbled on his wall and when Louis finally finishes changing, I ask, "What does your roommate think about all this…um stuff you have written on the walls?”

"He actually likes them, we are two hopeless romantics who share a love for emo shit as you so called it."

"Who's your roommate?" I ask and we walk out of his room and down the staircase to the dining hall.

"Name's Stan but he's almost never around anymore. He spends almost all his time in the art studio now. Literally sleeps there so I have the room mostly to myself."

Mostly to himself.

"Why does he choose to stay the night in the art studio?" 

"Says it helps him get inspired. He claims all his best artwork happened when he isn’t functioning correctly. Who am I to judge, I tend to write better late at night too."

"I liked the ones I read. They’re really…thoughtful.”

"Did you now?"

"Yeah, I did. I also noticed you use he pronouns in most of your writing." I say quietly and Louis nods,

"Glad you did."

We reach the dining hall just as many of the students are leaving. On Sundays, many of the students will go visit their families or do the homework due the next day. I would know, it isn't until now that I would always do my work the day before. 

"Still want to eat in the rose garden?" Louis asked, noticing that many of the people were leaving.

"Yeah, I really like it there...it feels like our spot you know?"

I also wanted some privacy to talk about what I had read this morning.

"Ok." 

We both get plates full of sausage, hash, and some fruit and I make sure to grab extra so I won't be starving by noon. Thankfully, we didn't run into anyone who might question us, and we slipped out the side door and walk around to the garden. 

It's deserted like always and only two birds sit on a branch of the tree above, whistling to one another until they spot us and fly away. I wonder why no one is ever here except me and Louis. It's absolutely stunning and the architecture of the stone and brick walls around the stone water fountain in the middle makes it look like we stepped into a different century. I sit down at the old wooden bench and Louis joins me, our sides brushing up against one another.

Here goes nothing.

"I read your journal entry this morning," No small talk just jumping straight into the point. I feel Louis stiffen beside me. He must be nervous about what I'm about to say. He has no reason to be. "I'm sorry but I saw that it was meant for me to read and I just wanted to let you know I-I feel the same way."

Louis exhales, "Feel the same way how?"

"I feel like we were meant to reconnect. I also believe there is a reason for everything."

"You really think so? You don't think I'm some sort of maniac, or weirdo...or a creep?"

"Well, the hair touching we might have to talk about," And Louis reddens at the mention of this, "But no, I'm...happy to be here with you. Happy we are... the way we are right now."

"What _are_ we exactly?"

"I don't think we need a label; I mean theoretically I'm still dating Ava."

"I had forgotten about that." Louis shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"How about we just keep hanging out and figure it out together?"

"Together...I like that." Louis nods, "I really don't think there is any reason to put a label on it anyway. Not now at least, but… maybe one day we could?"

"I would like that." I smile, wondering what it would be like to call Louis mine. "Are you going to eat the rest of your apple slices?" I ask, changing the subject as I stare at Louis's pitiful pile of apple wedges on his plate.

"Have at them," He handed me his plate and I wolf them down, having already finished my food.

"Why are you always hungry?" Louis laughs. "I always hear your stomach in detention."

I groan, "It's that loud?"

"It's fine love, I'm just curious."

Love.

"You know money is tight in my family." I start, looking down at the empty plate in my lap, "It's stupid but the meal plan here at Ruthwood is just three meals a day. If you haven't noticed, anything extra you have to buy with your own money. We don't have any extra money to spend on stupid things like snacks."

"You mean, you are actually hungry as in, you..." Louis trails off not knowing how to finish. I just sit there, my head bowed, and my hands folded neatly in my lap. 

"I'm sorry Harry. I'll make sure I bring you a cookie every day from now on."

"Don't do that. It's just going to remind me that I am poor." As if by habit, I twist my neck to see if anyone was around, listening. Nobody is, as usual. 

"Don't think of it that way. Think of it like I'm repaying you for every cooking you gave me in primary school."

"Do you know why I did that?" 

"Did what?"

"Give you a cookie every day."

"No, I just thought you didn't like it, so you gave it to me," Louis admits.

"I gave it to you to get your attention. The same reason I held the door for you every chance I got. I just thought you were the coolest and so I did everything in my power to get you to talk with me. Of course, I was five back then, so I didn't know _why_ I felt the need to get your attention but hearing you tell me 'thank you' every day at lunch because I gave you my cookie made me so happy."

Louis fell completely silent and was now looking at me with flushed cheeks and his lips parted, "And why did you feel the need to get my attention?" His voice was low and quiet.

"Because...I liked you." 

"Liked?"

"Nuh-uh," I shake my head, making my curls flop back and forth against my face. "I'm not telling you that yet."

"Yet?"

"Yet."

"Ok, then I'll say it."

I froze in my seat, my heart beating a mile a minute. Louis was inching closer to me, vanilla and musk—his scent—filled my senses and my head started feeling woozy.

"Harry, I like you. I have since primary school. You don't have to say it back, it's not that big of a deal. I just wanted to let you know what my intentions are."

"And what are those intentions?" My voice was deep, and my heart was about to pound out my chest with nervous excitement.

"For you to fall head over heels for me as I did for you."

My hands were trembling in my lap and my breathing shallow as I whispered, "Don't bother, I never stopped."

* * *

Louis and I parted ways after breakfast. He had promised to meet up with Stan today and I still had a bit of homework left. Walking through the halls alone I let my mind wander. 

What if I hadn't landed in detention Wednesday? Would Louis and I still have connected? Probably not. I was always too caught up in playing the part to notice much around me. Speaking of 'playing the part' I hadn't seen Ava all day.

I reach for my phone and send her a message, 

**Harry:** Where are you?

**Avacado:** In my room.

**Harry:** Can I come up?

**Avacado:** You've never asked before.

**Harry:** We haven't gone on a date in weeks.

**Avacado:** And why is that?

**Harry:** Louis.

**Avacado:** You're so in love.

She was right. 

**Harry:** We still have to keep this up though.

**Avacado:** I know, just make sure Louis knows.

**Harry:** I'll talk with him.

**Avacado:** Pls don't let our thing keep you from being with him.

**Harry:** I'm right outside your door, let me in.

The door opens and Ava stands there in a large coat and sweatpants, "Why didn't you knock?"

"I was talking with you."

"Dork."

"Hey, I will leave right now if you're just going to make fun of me."

"Fine, I'll stop. But we actually need to talk about this."

"I know."

"Alright," She sits down on her bed and motions me to do the same. "So, you and Louis...?"

"Not yet, but I want it. He wants it."

"So what's holding you back?"

" _Everything_. Imagine if we started..."

"Dating." Ava finishes more me and I nod, 

"Yeah, dating." The word feels foreign on my tongue even though Ava and I have been 'dating' for the past two years. "Imagine what everyone will say. It will be grade school all over for me. Everything that we've worked for, to be where we are now will have gone to waste."

"But you want to be with him?"

"Of course I do but what about you? About us?"

"I told you not to make _me_ the reason you’re holding back. We'll work something out. I've grown up and don't feel like I need someone to lean on especially now that I have you and Zayn."

"Ok, say that we are no longer 'dating', who would support us? I don't want Louis to get picked on because I have crappy friends. Darcy and the guys won't be nice, I know that."

"I'm not sure about the guys, but what do you mean support? I would support both of you, Zayn would. Hell, Liam and Niall were fine with you both cuddling last night."

She's right, nobody said anything last night and we were very cuddly. "Niall actually said we looked cute," I remember and a smile plays on my lips, thinking about how that could be our normal.

"See, would it really be the end of the world if people knew the real you? So many people love you the way you are Harry, just trust them."

The last time I had trusted someone it had broken me. 

_Flashback_

_I walked into the cafeteria that morning, dreading lunch. Lunch was the worst part of my day because it meant public humiliation for thirty long minutes. No one wanted to sit with me. That's just how it had been ever since I started grade school. I was weird, I was no normal and I liked girly things so the boys in my class told me._

_"Honey you forgot your drink," One of the kitchen ladies called to me and I turned to see her holding a juice box out to me._

_"Thank you." I had whispered and took the drink. That was probably the nicest thing I had heard today. I slowly make my way to the small circular table at the far end of the room, ignoring the normal sneering and name-calling that followed me wherever I went._

_I don't even hear them at this point, it's all the same. A dull buzz in my ears keeps me from hearing the insults and I safely make it to my table without being tripped like I am sometimes._

_"Hey," Someone says to me and I look up to see a boy about my age. I think his name is James but I'm not sure._

_"Hi, do you want to sit with me?" I asked, hopeful._

_"Sure!" He sits down and my shoulders relax, maybe I'll make a friend today._

_"Your name is Harry, right?" He asks me and I nod,_

_"What's your name again?"_

_"James."_

_I was right._

_"What do you like to do James?"_

_"I like to play football. I play here on the school team,"_

_"That's cool! I like to run, but I don't do any sports."_

_That was the first time I had a decent lunch in a long time since primary school actually. I was almost happy. James was so nice, and we talked about movies, and books and our teachers. He also thought Mr. Henry looked like a frog!_

_"And when he bulges his eyes out when he does science experiments in class!" James laughed and I surprised myself by joining in._

_I said goodbye to James as we parted to go to our separate afternoon classes. It was only when he was out of sight when I was his blue coat hanging over the chair, he was sitting at just seconds ago. I picked it up and hurried after my new friend,_

_"James, you forgot your coat—" But I stopped when I saw him just outside of the lunchroom standing with a group of the mean boys who called me names. What was James doing with them? I wonder and I hid behind the wall to listen in._

_"Did you really spend your lunch with that queer?" One of them said and I frowned. I didn't like this._

_"Yeah, and he's actually a cool lad so I don't know why you are making me do this to him."_

_"It's because he's weird, he likes girly things."_

_"Maybe he has a sister," James said shrugging._

_"No, he once came to primary school with his nails painted bright pink."_

_"Oh God forbid a boy paint his nails." James laughed, but the older boy scowls and his group closes in on James which makes him shrink._

_"Don't go hanging with that little weirdo. Do what we told you to do, pretend you're his friend, and then—"_

_I never learned what he was to do after pretending to be my friend because I just ran. I ran away from school that day, dropping James’s blue coat on the ground before sprinting out the doors._

_How could I have been so stupid to think someone would have like me for me? It was just a stupid dare, a stupid dare so then he could hurt me. I wished Louis went to my school, but he had gone to a different school on the other side of town. He would have never done anything like that. He would never try and hurt me like the other boys._

_It was simply better not to be me in front of others, and that's what I decided to do._

_End of flashback_

"I think I'm just going to talk with Louis," I decide, and Ava nods,

"Ok...but you aren’t five anymore, and people change."

"I'm not sure about that, but thanks Ave."

"Harry, you deserve to be happy. I will always love you, but I'm not the one to for you and you know it."

"I love you too Ava."

"Now shoo, go find your man."

"Ok, ok." And with anxious butterflies, I leave her room to go search for Louis.

* * *

"Lou?" I call into what looks like the deserted art room. I never come to this wing of the school where the art rooms and theater are located. The only time I was around here was for last year's annual production of Beauty and the Beast. Of course, that was back then when I was a complete jerk and the lads, and I just went to laugh in the front row. I will forever be apologizing to Niall for that. 

"Harry?" Some calls and I jump.

"Darcy, what are you doing down here?"

"More importantly, why did you just call for Lou? Who's Lou? Is she some new girl?"

"What? No, Lou is Louis."

"Louis Tomlinson? What do you want with that loner?"

"I, em, had some German homework I needed help with."

"But you take French." Darcy looks confused.

Damn it.

"What are you doing down here? Off to join the drama club?" Steer the conversation in a different direction Harry, I think to myself.

Darcy shakes his head, "And have to listen to that Niall bloke? Hell no. I'm here to pick up Kelly, we are going downtown for dinner."

"Oh, you guys together now?"

"Something like it, hoping to ask her to the formal."

"Ok well, I'll see you around," I say, backing up. I didn't want to talk with Darcy, I wanted to find Louis.

"Wait— so why were you looking for that nobody? You were obviously lying."

"I just need help with homework," I mutter.

"Why would you voluntarily hang with _him_? Go get some hot chick to help you."

Would he just shut up and go away?

"You know what? You're right, why would I hang with that nobody. I'm gonna go try the library." And Darcy nods satisfied at this answer.

"I'll see you around Styles." And he strolls off to the music room.

"So I'm a nobody now?" A low voice asked, and I whip around to see Louis's shrunken figure behind the door of the art room.

"Lou! No! That's not what I meant I meant—"

"You what? Just had to keep up that pathetic act because you’re self-conscious of your sexuality?"

"Louis don't." I plead and look around to see if anyone heard.

"Harry, no one is listening." Louis snaps, "No one cares!"

"Yes, they do Louis, people care, and people will hurt you!"

"They don't hurt me _and_ I’m open."

"That's just because you don't have any friends." 

Louis staggers back and I mentally want to kick myself, "Lou," I say softly. "I didn't mean it,"

"No Harry, you're right. I don't have any friends, but at least I'm not lying to everyone I talk to." Louis spits and is about to turn and walk away but I grab his thin wrist and spin him around.

"Damn it!" I cursed, turning him so he's face to face with me. "That's not the reason I came looking for you. I didn't want to fight I— I want to tell you that..."

"You wanted to tell me that...?"

"I wanted to tell you that Iwanttobewithyou." I sputter, "That's if, you'll have me. Lou, I know I've screwed up and I'm bound to do it again but being with you these past few days has been the happiest I've been in a long time."

"Say it again." Louis breathes, taking a step closer, "Say it again."

"Louis, I... want to be with you."

"I'm glad we are finally thinking the same way." I can feel Louis's breath on my face and it sweet and warm.

"I'm just not ready to...be open yet. With you and Ava and Zayn...even Niall and Liam I'm fine but, I'm scared. I can't do it yet."

"I won't push you." Louis whispers as he bushes a lock of hair away from my face, "Just promise me you'll talk to me. Anything you're thinking, just talk to me ok?"

I nod and Louis stands on his tippy toes to give me a hug. He wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me tight, grounding me there with him. I feel his nose touch the crook of my neck and I shiver, "Your nose is cold." I giggle.

"And your curls are tickling my face." He responds.

"Do...you want to come up to my room again tonight? Ava is gonna want details so I'm sorry in advance."

"It's fine. In fact, it will be nice since we can't come out to anyone else."

"Are you sure you're ok with us being, a secret?"

"Well it's not my first choice, but if I'm with you, I'll take it."

"You're too good for me," I mumble into Louis's neck.

"Probably."

I pull away, "Hey now!"

"I'm just kidding love; we are good enough for one another."

"I like that." I take his hand and start walking towards the door that leads outside. If we are outside, no one will notice the closeness.

"Haz?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you're not ready to come out yet, and like I said I will try not to push it, but we can one day...right?"

"Does it really matter?"

"It does to me. I want to show the world you're mine."

"Maybe...I just need to get used to the idea."

"You're not— ashamed to be with...like what Darcy said, a nobody?"

"Louis!" I stop dead in my tracks and cup his cheeks in my hand, "If you ever say that about yourself again, I'll...I'll do something." I finish lamely. "Don't you ever say that again! You are not a nobody, especially not to me."

Louis presses his lips together to suppress a giddy smile, "Stop, I'm embarrassed now."

"What did I tell you to do when someone compliments you?"

"Right, I'm sorry. Thank you Haz."

"That sounded so fake."

"Told you I would be no good on stage."

"That reminds me," I say walking up the stairs to my room, "We have detention again tomorrow."

"It's weird," Louis comments, "I might actually be looking forward to it."

"Yeah, me too."

"Liam and Niall, they are kind of fun to be with," Louis adds and I agree,

"I actually had a nice talk with Liam yesterday morning. He's not such a pain in the ass when he's not _in_ school."

"Same goes for you." Louis hip-checks me.

I unlock the door to my dorm room and am surprised to see Liam sitting on Zayn's bed, one of the Harry Potter films playing on the telly.

"Oh— we were just talking about you," I say, leading Louis, his hand still in mine.

"I'm flattered," Zayn says, putting his hand over his heart.

"Not you, Liam."

"Rude. Everyone should want to talk about me."

"How long are you guys hanging out for?" I asked, wanting to be alone with Louis.

Liam looks down at his watch, "2.4 hours, we are thirty minutes into the Chamber of Secrets."

"Wanna crash at my place tonight then?" Louis whispered and I nod, 

"Let me go grab some clothes."

I'm not sure what to bring since we don't really have plans, but I throw a pair of pajamas, a hairbrush, and toothpaste into an old canvas bag along with a book and my uniform for tomorrow. "All set," and we start to head out the door when Zayn holds up his hand,

"Have him back by midnight." He says sternly to Louis, and I roll my eyes,

"You'll see me tomorrow at breakfast."

"You're spending the night?" Zayn squeaks and Liam shifts awkwardly next to him, obviously feeling out of place.

"Yes _mom_ , and don't worry, we'll be safe."

"I better get a full report tomorrow!" Zayn calls after we and I push Louis out the door, trying to end the conversation.

"He's protective." Louis notices and I raise my eyebrows,

"No shit Sherlock. He likes you though, so don't worry about it."

We walk the couple doors down and sure enough, Louis's room is empty. "Stan spending the night in the art building?" I ask.

After Louis gives a nod of confirmation, I dump my bag of stuff on the floor and launch myself on him, sending us flying onto his bed.

"Oh," Louis exclaimed in surprise and scoots back against the headboard so he can prop himself up, letting me straddle him. 

"Eager, are we?" He jokes as plays with the hem of my shirt. The little gesture sends warmth flooding through me and I can't move for a moment, my vision focusing on only the pigmented blue of Louis's eyes.

"Oh—" I finally say, realizing what he was mentioning. "I-I wasn't saying we do that..."

"I should hope not! This is what our...second hour together?"

Sighing, I rest my forehead on his small shoulder and inhale his familiar scent of musk and vanilla. He smelled _so_ good.

"You're sniffing me again."

"And you play with my hair when I'm asleep."

"I shouldn't have told you that," Louis mutters.

"No, I'm glad you did. I like it when you touch my hair."

"Good to know." Louis reaches up and starts curling a lock of my hair around his finger.

"It's cold," I whispered as Louis turns on a dim nightlight and pulls the comforter over us. I slide off his lap and curl up next to him, wriggling around until my thigh falls between Louis' spread legs. Not once did it feel like we were moving too fast, we hadn't even kissed yet. Snuggling with Louis just felt safe and that's just what I needed right now.

"Warmer now?" Louis hugged me tighter and I could feel my eyelids growing heavy because the warmth of Louis's body was lulling me to sleep.

"Yeah, feels nice," I mumble. 

"Good," was all Louis said, already dozing off as I snuggle deeper under the duvet around our tangled-up bodies, not truly believing if I was dreaming or not.


	8. Monday

**_"There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you're the one that will change theirs."_ **

**_~ Angel Flonis Harefa_ **

It was early Monday morning and when I had woken up to find Louis practically lying in my chest, his hair tickling my nose and his breathing slow and rhythmic. It seemed like a lifetime ago I was looking up at the ceiling, nervous to hang out with him. How things had changed. 

"Louis, we have to get up," I mumbled, and Louis shifted, curling away from the coldness as I slipped out from under the duvet. 

"Two more minutes." He whined and I giggled,

"You’re not a morning person."

"I would be if you come back here," Louis says, peeking out from under the covers with the cutest pair of puppy dog eyes. 

" _One_ more minute," I say and climb back in with him. It is only six o clock which means we have an hour to get ready and eat before classes start.

"What do you have this morning?" I ask him, running my hands down his arm and making him shiver.

"Math in the morning and then I'll see you for literature."

"How is it I never noticed you were in that class?" I wonder aloud. The wasted minutes I could have been staring at him flashing through my mind.

"I don't know but it makes sense. We hang with different crowds and it's not like I talk during class."

"I don't talk much during class."

"Yeah, but you answer questions. I don't even do that."

"Do you not know the answers, or do you just not feel like speaking?"

"I don't feel like speaking unless I feel like what I have to say is important."

"Answering questions isn't important to you?"

"No, but talking with you is." And he takes me by surprise by leaning over and kissing me lightly on the neck. I feel dizzy from the contact and the smoothness of his lips on my skin.

"I'm ready to get up now." Louis says and wiggles out from beneath the blankets, "You make me want to be a better morning person."

I climb out after him and then stop by the window just out of curiosity. Sure enough, Liam's sitting out there wrapped up in his blanket and watching the end of this morning's sunrise.

I make a mental note to go join him every morning I wake up early. It has to be so lonely to be awake when everyone else is sleeping, plus I had enjoyed watching the sunrise. It was like Liam said, it made one feel special.

I trudge to the bathroom and start splashing water on my face as Louis starts his shower. "I still need to grab my book bag from my room before we head downstairs," I call over the rush of water and Louis sticks his wet hand out of the curtains in a thumbs up.

I finish washing my face and stare at the small pimples that have decided to show up on my forehead. Why couldn't I waltz through puberty without a single blemish like Louis? Louis had always had the smoothest skin that practically glowed in the sunlight.

I frown and inch my face closer to the mirror to inspect the little red bumps.

"Stop," Louis says from behind me. He had just stepped out of the shower and had a white towel hanging loosely around his thin waist. "They’re beautiful."

"You're just saying that." I pout, leaning in closer to scowl at the infuriating red blemishes. Louis takes my head in his small hands and turns me around,

"I said they’re beautiful so stop it." He leans in and kisses my forehead, "Strawberry freckles." He murmurs against my skin. 

I am still unhappy with them but through Louis's eyes, he made me feel so special. "Well don't look at them." I sigh and start to finger comb my wild mess of curls.

"I will look at you any way I please." He argues, "Don't think for a second you aren't worth my eyesight."

I blush and pick up my toothbrush, "Ok."

"Can I use yours?" Louis asks motioning to my tube of toothpaste. "I forgot I'm out." 

I hand him the half-used tube and then finish up in the bathroom to change out into my uniform. I pull the sweater over my white collared shirt and roll up the sleeves. Making sure my trousers and smooth and my tie is straight I look into the mirror Louis has placed above his desk. 

"Checking yourself out now?" Louis teases coming out of the bathroom, his hair is still damp and his shirt half-buttoned. I turn away to keep myself from staring at his exposed chest. 

"You can stare." He says as if he can read my mind, so I turn back around and walk slowly towards him.

"You’re so beautiful." I breathe lightly, tracing my fingers down the buttons of his shirt. Here, safe behind Louis's locked dorm room, I feel perfectly myself. I wish I could stay.

"We better get down to breakfast," Louis whispers to me and I frown,

"Don't want to leave."

"I know darling, but you got to make it to class. I'll see you in literature."

"And then in detention," I say happily.

"Yes." He nods and hands me the canvas bag I had brought with me last night. "I'm guessing you'll be eating breakfast with Zayn?" 

I bite my lip having forgotten we didn't hang with the same crowd. "Yeah, you'll be alright?"

"Don't worry about me. Maybe I'll go sit with Payno."

I frown wishing I could join them but at least I have Zayn. "I'm sorry it has to be this way," I mutter as I start towards the door.

Louis looks bummed as well, "It doesn't _have_ to,"

"You're not mad through?"

"No, I guess I'm just disappointed we can't just be us. I'll get over it though, I know I said I wouldn't push you."

"Thank you, Lou," And turn around to peck him on the cheek before walking out.

* * *

"Morning," Ava greets me at the entrance to the dining hall and I sigh,

"Morning."

"No need to be so enthusiastic," She jokes and taking my hand leads me into the dining hall.

"Sorry, I just had a really good morning with Louis and wish it didn't end so soon."

"He's alright we are still...doing this?" She looks down at our intertwined hands. 

"I think he's a bit hurt, but he understands. I'm just not ready to come out yet." I whisper and Ava sighs,

"Don't let your fears keep you from being happy."

"When did you get so wise?" I ask collecting my plate of food from the counter and grabbing an extra two muffins.

"Always have been, you just never listen."

"Ava!" Someone calls and I wince, her friends are so loud and... annoying.

"Hi, Kelly what's up?" 

While Kelly starts blabbering on about her date with Darcy yesterday, Ava pulls me to our regular table, and I sit down next to Zayn who is having a deep conversation with Nathan regarding the newest football match that was on telly last night. I don't join in because I didn't watch the match last night. Last night I was snuggled up next to Louis in his bed, smelling his intoxicating scent inches away from my nose. I wish I were with him now.

I pull out my phone and send him a text.

**Harry:** I miss you already :(

He answers almost immediately.

**Lou:** Look up.

I do and see him and Liam at the far corner of the dining hall. Liam waves and I smile back. 

**Harry:** For the first time ever I'm looking forward to Mr. Williams's lecture on Charles Dickens.

**Lou:** Haha me too, except I won't be listening.

**Harry:** And what will you be doing instead?

**Lou:** Looking at you.

**Lou:** Sit with your head facing the right exit so I have a clear view of your eyes!

**Harry:** Lou, get some help.

I hear a ridiculous laugh echo from the other end of the dining hall and look up again to see that Niall had joined their table and was doubled over laughing as he looked over Louis's shoulder at what I had just sent. I wish I were there instead of here.

**Lou:** Niall agrees with you. Everyone is picking on poor little Louis because he wants to see his boyfriend’s eyes in class :(

Boyfriend.

**Harry:** Wait until I tell Ava I'm cheating on her.

**Lou:** Uh oh I better run! She could totally take me.

**Harry:** So you admit you're small?

I have the goofiest grin on my face as I wait for a reply when someone shakes my shoulder, "Harry, where are you lad?"

Darcy is looking at me like I'm from another planet. "What do you mean?" I ask, shoving my phone into my pocket and pick up my spoon to finish my porridge.

"You looked like...I don't know like you were, texting a girl or something. You had this sappy-ass grin on your face. Not cheating on Ava, are you?"

Precisely that actually.

"No, I was texting Gemma," I mutter and sling my arm over Ava as if to show Darcy there was nothing going on.

"Oh hey," Ava murmurs and leans into my touch. 

All the girls around her giggle and fawn over the two of us but the gesture feels weird. Like too forced and not romantic at all. If she was Louis...I didn't want to even think about it just in case my body decided to act upon the thought.

The large bell rant from the clock tower and everyone started to get up. I followed suit and tucked the extra muffins into my bookbag for later. "See you at lunch?" Ava asks giving me a peck on the cheek.

"I... I was actually hoping to spend lunch in the library." 

"Alright." She replied, getting the message. "Be good."

"I will." And we part ways. I try to catch Louis's eye while walking out, but he's already disappeared into the crowd of grey sweaters and red and blue ties.

I won't say that my morning sucked because it didn't. Louis's help yesterday evening spared me a good grade in math that morning and I was quite proud of myself when my last test got handed to me with a big A- on the front. It wasn't perfect but it was better than my typical B.

"Did you cheat or something?" Trevor whispers to me as we leave the classroom and I frown,

"Why would I cheat?"

"Well, you magically improved your grade overnight. It's not like _you_ did it."

"No, I'm not a cheater so piss off," I say and turn down the hallway. Did I look like someone who would stoop that low? Sure I know I was a bit of a jerk but not overall stupid. It would be plain stupid to resort to cheating at a place like Ruthwood. 

I pull one of the muffins out of my bag and start nibbling it as I skip to literature. I know skipping was probably a dead giveaway that something had changed in my life, who skips on a Monday morning? But I didn't care. 

"Your energy level on a Monday should be illegal." Someone says behind me and I turn to see Niall.

"Oh hi, Niall how are you today?" My excited attitude really needed to stop because now I was sounding plain weird.

"Yeah, no. I'm not stopping to have a friendly conversation, just to drop off a note from you know who. You two make me sick." He hands me a rolled-up piece of paper and turns on his heel to leave.

I open the paper and suppress a smile when I see what's written,

𝘏𝘢𝘻, 

𝘔𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘔𝘳. 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘮𝘴. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 there. 

-𝘓𝘰𝘶

The classroom next to Mr. Williams? Of course no one goes there, it's considered haunted. I shiver and look down at my watch, he gave us nine minutes and I rush to the room. Since Ruthwood is so old and historical, over the years people have made up so many stories. The classroom next to Mr. Williams was dubbed haunted after some kid swore he was a white figure through the dark windows floating around.

Of course, it's probably not true but everyone just acts like it is. I bet nobody has been in that room for years. I look around quickly to make sure no one is in the hallway and creek the door open.

"Lou?" I whisper into the darkness and take a hesitant step forward. The floorboards creak under my weight and I jump. "Damn it, Lou, where are you?"

All of a sudden, a figure comes flying at me, wrapping one arm around my waist and while the other hand slaps over my mouth just in time as I let out a frightened squeal. 

"Shush." Louis's small voice demands in the darkness and I bite my tongue. 

"What are you trying to do? Kidnap me?" I hiss as Louis's hand falls from my mouth and snakes around my waist.

"I wanted to see my boyfriend." He pouted, pushing me up against the wall and brushing his lips to my neck. 

I squirm under the contact and try to collect my thoughts, "Well...you...didn't have to scare me like...that." I could barely form words because now Louis was sucking lightly at the tender skin near my collarbone.

"Couldn't wait for detention." He hummed and I lean into him. "Plus watching you with Ava this morning made me sad."

"I didn't mean to make you sad Lou," I feel like crying. Why couldn't everything just work out for me? "I'll be better I promise."

"It's fine love, I just wish..."

"I know, I know." 

Louis stops his kissing on my neck and looks at me, his breath warming my cold nose. "This feels kind of exciting doesn't it?"

"What? Having you abuse my neck with your mouth in a haunted classroom?"

"You're so funny, but no. As much as I wish we weren't a secret it makes the whole thing more exciting."

"Yeah, we are like Romeo and Juliet."

"Don't tell Niall, I think that's the school's next production and he might ask us to audition."

"You would make a very handsome Romeo," I say, brushing my nose against Louis's head and inhaling. 

"Would you audition as Juliet? I would take the part, tights and all if you got the role of Juliet."

"You're tempting me with the vision of you in tights." I groan and Louis's body shakes as he laughs.

"Mhm, maybe I _will_ consider auditioning then just for you. Niall will be over the moon."

"More like over the rainbow." I mock my best impression of Niall's heavy Irish accent.

There is a shuffling of feet next door and the second bell rings throughout the building. "We better go."

"Meet me in the library for lunch?" I ask hopefully.

"As long as you turn your head during literature."

"Lou," I whine, "It will look odd."

"No it won't, I'll be sneaky about it."

"Fine."

* * *

"I'm blaming my neckache on you," I grunt as I plop my boxed salad onto the library table that afternoon. After my head tilted towards Louis for an hour and a half lecture on Charles Dickens and the underlying themes in The Tale of Two cities my neck was ready to give out and I nodded to the side producing a series of cracks from my neck. "Ah, that feels better."

"Awww the things you do for my enjoyment." Louis fawns as he picks at his sandwich. We have snagged an empty corner of the library which has circular windows on both walls and a window desk that looks out onto the foggy moor. From this angle, we can't be seen by anyone except maybe an occasional gardener tending to the school grounds. 

"Want my crisps?" Louis offers, handing me the packet, "I got two packs."

"You didn't." I frown but take the crisps, "You spoil me you know that?" 

"It's me saying thank you for sacrificing your neck for me during literature," Louis says taking a bite of his sandwich. "Ew, there's mustard."

"You don't like mustard?" 

"I prefer mayo," Louis says but continues to eat. We don't talk much, just the occasional eye contact and leg bumping under the table but it's nice. Much nicer than sitting with the boys and overhearing this week's gossip from Ava's friends. 

I down my salad and eat the packet of crisps and the second muffin from breakfast. "It's a funny thing," I say looking up at Louis who has pulled out his notebook and a pen.

"What's that?" He asks brushing our legs together under the table and keeping it there.

"How normal this feels. If you think about it, we only started talking like three days ago."

"Did our time in primary school mean nothing to you?" Louis asks, pretending to look hurt and clutching his heart with his hands dramatically.

"No of course not. But to be fair we didn't really talk back then. It was only the occasional 'thank you' and comments about the funny things I wore to school."

"Don't say funny." Louis says sternly, "That was what you liked to wear, it doesn't matter whether it was 'cool' or not. I liked it."

"Ok, fine but that still doesn't mean we talked all that much."

"We had more of a nonverbal relationship." Louis admits, "But you can't deny there was an instant connection."

"No, I cannot." I smile at the memories, "When did you first feel it? The connection?" I air quote the phrase and say it in a deep dramatic voice.

"Probably when you dropped your books that day. You looked so sad and I knew I had to make you feel better, it didn't matter if I had to walk you two miles back home in the rain or trade books with you, I had to, so I did."

I still had that reading book on the bookshelf back at home. My mom had donated all of my old schoolbooks to the bookstore she worked at but I had made her keep Louis's which of course she didn't know was Louis's, but I did.

"When did you know?" Louis asks.

"Year after you left for that other school across town." I sigh. "I got bullied there...you already know this but anyway I was at lunch, sitting alone as usual and this new boy came up to me and asked if he could join me. Of course, I said yes, my naive self-thought he actually wanted to be friends." I laugh sadly.

"But no, he was just doing some stupid dare the other boys in my class had put him up to. I remember overhearing them telling him to do something to me later that day so I just ran."

"It was when I was running home that I thought about you and how...even with the little that we spoke I just knew you would never try and hurt me as they did. You always helped me and stood up for me. That's all I really wanted back then, just a nice friend and you were."

Louis got up from the other side of the table and for a split second, I think he's about to leave. Oh no, did I just scare him off with my story? I knew it was a bit dramatic but...and that's when Louis draped his arms around me from behind and held me against his small chest.

"I'm sorry love, I wish I had been there." He whispered into my ear. 

"Me too but," I turn my head and wince a little feeling the muscles strain, but I don't care, "You're here now right?"

"Yes, I'm here now," Louis says and kisses me lightly on the cheek. "You know where else I'll be?"

My mind went to unholy places thinking about where he was talking about when Louis murmurs, "Detention, that was the first bell."

Sure enough, the old church bell was ringing, and I felt my cheeks grow hot in embarrassment as I thought of where my mind had gone. "R-Right, I guess I'll see you then." 

What a long afternoon it was going to be.

Science today wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be and Zayn and I passed notes back and forth throughout the lecture which made it much more interesting. I told him all about my night with Louis and was careful only to write his name as the letter L just in case our letters fell into the wrong hands. 

Zayn kept pressing for details like ‘did you cuddle?’, ‘were we official?’, and ‘had we kissed yet?’ To which I answered, ‘none of your business,’ ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ It hadn't occurred to me until then we hadn't kissed yet besides the neck biting and soft pecks on the cheek. Though we were moving at a comfortable pace I didn't feel the need quite yet, or maybe I just wanted a dramatic build-up. Either was possible. That didn't mean I wasn't looking forward to the event, in fact, the butterflies in my tummy were ready to explode with any thought of pressing my lips to his.

This was not what I should be thinking about in biology, I scold myself. Especially with my schooling on the line. I needed to keep my A in this class, so daydreaming about Louis would have to wait. As Ms. Edwards continued to lecture about the water cycles, I picked up my pencil which laid neglected to the side of my desk, and began to copy down the diagram on the board. 

After much brain-numbing information in science, I had packed my bags and left for gym with Zayn, our usual group of mates trailing behind us. We were still in the track portion of the semester, so I eagerly changed out of my uniform into gym shorts and Ruthwood's incrusted t-shirt I headed down to the field. I had skipped the stupid blabber from the guys in the locker room today and none of them seemed to notice my silence. I didn't have the energy to plaster on my fake smile today when the reason my real one came out was probably only a few floors away from me, staring at his history textbook. 

Zayn noticed and ran after me as I was halfway to the field, "What's up with the sulking?" He questioned and I frown,

"I miss my boyfriend." I pout and kick a random pebble on the trail.

Zayn beams, "Those words are like music to my ears!" He sings happily, "The day has come that little Harold has found himself a man."

"Will you be quiet!" I order him but Zayn shakes his head, 

"Sorry but I've been waiting too long to tease you about this. You've fake-dated Ava for too long all my jokes towards the two of you have run dry. I now have a new subject." 

"You are way too into this." I mutter, "And what about you and that Perrie girl, you still into her?" We stand away from the group of other lads so we can continue talking. Coach Clark is busy setting up the cones to keep us on the path for today's run and many of the students around us are stretching as he told us to do. Zayn and I just stay where we are.

"I'm not...I don't think anymore." Zayn says playing with a tuff of grass with his shoe, "I'll get back to you when I have things...figured out."

I have the temptation to push as to what he means by that but don't. Zayn never pushed me about my stuff. He waited and supported me until I came to him and I would do the same for whatever he was struggling with.

"Excited for detention today?" I asked instead as we line up with the others to start our run. I could beat them all if I pushed myself but today, I wanted to catch up with Zayn.

"I think I am. I've talked with Liam a lot over the past couple of days which is...surprising you know?" 

We start running and I keep pace with Zayn even though it's much slower than I would usually run. "I actually shared a laugh with Niall this morning, so I get what you mean. Did I ever tell you I watched the sunrise one morning with Liam?"

"You what?"

"Saturday, I think. I couldn't sleep and you know him with his insomnia, so I joined him to watch the sunrise that morning."

"Is he out there every morning?" Zayn asked nonchalantly as we turn the path that leads to a hill.

"Yeah, at least that's what he told me. I've been meaning to join him when I remember. Seems like such a lonely lifestyle you know? But I haven't because well...you know."

"Maybe I will." Zayn huffs, his breath making a small white cloud as we run. "Then you can spend the nights with Louis without feeling guilty."

"I don't feel guilty," I say through gasps for air as we power up the hill. "Also...since when do...you want to start...hanging...out with Liam?"

"You're not the only one who is getting tired of the lads." Zayn laughs, "You know you are so much better without them. Darcy and his mates can go off and do shit but you and I have Ava and Louis and Liam and Zayn. There's no need for them anymore."

I know he's right but I'm still skeptical. "They are a bunch of bloody idiots," I admit. "Trevor asked me to review his essay the other week and half of his sentences sounded like a three-year-old wrote them."

Zayn snorts, "If you think that's funny, Nathan asked me to tie his shoe in the locker room today."

My friends in detention were really sounding wonderful compared to the lads I had spent my last two years with. How was it that I clicked with three guys I had nothing in common with so easily? Hell, I was dating one of them right now, and yet, not one thing about it felt strange. In fact, being away from them felt a bit strange. 

"Yup," Is all I can say. My cheeks are red from the cold and my lungs feel like they are on fire but the high I get from running is accumulative. "I'm finishing without you," I say to Zayn as I sprint ahead wanting to get out the last bit of nervous energy before seeing Louis in detention. 

I heard Zayn call out what I think was "Wanker." And I just laugh. I pass Darcy and Nathan and a couple of the boys on the track team. My blood was coursing with adrenaline as I pass the cones that marked the end of the four-mile trail and I come to a stop, my lungs burning and my legs feeling like jello.

"Styles, you really need to join track. You're a natural." Coach Clark praises and I bow my head.

"Only do it for fun," I say but thank him before heading to the showers. I wait for Zayn to finish washing up after I'm done and shake the excess water from my curls. I hate my curls when they are wet because they stick to my face and lie flat on my head. I desperately try to get them back to their usual curliness but only can get them to lie flat with a small wave. Oh well.

"Ah, so now you wait for me." Zayn teases as he walks out, his jet-black hair wet as well and his white collared shirt rumpled and halfway buttoned. 

"I'm sometimes a very good friend," I say proudly, and we start down the corridor to the library. Ruthwood's library is enormous with almost any book you can think of. 

The ceilings are high and architectural, and the air always smells like freshly inked pages and dust. There are three floors, each with different purposes. Where Louis and I had lunch was the top floor and the reading area with all the fantasy books. Next, there were the non-fiction books and conference rooms. This floor also had little study rooms where you could meet for group projects. And lastly, there was the ground floor where Mr. Harrison held detention. It also was home to millions of research materials and archives. 

"Welcome back everyone." Mr. Harrison drones on as everyone takes their seats. Louis takes his normal seat across from me and slips me a small smile. Niall and Liam are there already, looking more enthusiastic than would be expected for afternoon detention. "I hope you all had a great weekend and I'll see you in a few hours." He leaves and as soon as the big wooden door closes behind him, Louis is out of his seat and walking over to me with a hungry look in his blue eyes. 

"I saw you what? Like two hours ago?" I laugh as he wraps me in a hug from behind and kisses my cheek, right there in front of everyone, and for once, I don't even mind. I can happily enjoy showing my affection for him around people and I just love it.

"So you two together or something?" Liam joked, joining us at the table and sitting down next to Zayn. 

"No, it's just an ancient way of greeting your mortal enemy," Louis says and Niall rolls his eyes,

"Honestly, Lou, that's the best you could think of?"

"Hey!" I exclaimed to Niall and point my finger at him, "Only I get to call him Lou."

"Geez alright." Niall huffs, "I'll have to think of something else then."

"What about Tommo?" Zayn suggests and Liam nods,

"Yeah, I like that."

"We are a bunch of children, creating nicknames for each other," I say amused as they list out the new names. "What happened to each of us choosing a game?"

The four of them look up, "Oh right, I had forgotten about that." Liam says and scratches his head, "Who wants to go next?"

I have no idea what to pick for a game and by the looks of it neither does anyone else. Niall holds up his hands, "I already went so unless you'd like me to lead in another improv game—"

"That won't be necessary." Liam interjects, "I'll go but I don't have anything interesting in mind. I doubt you guys would like me to teach you how to correctly annotate an article?"

We all shake our heads no and Liam sighs, "I don't have anything interesting to offer...wait, why don't we play duck, duck goose?"

"Are we five?" Zayn snorts but I kind of like the idea. Kid games are fun to play in my opinion and it's nice to have an excuse to do so sometimes. 

"I don't know," Liam huffs, "You tell me."

"Oooo!" Niall cheers, "Payno stepping up his game!"

"Let's play." Louis interrupts before Zayn can respond, "I'll be it first."

The four of us move to the center of the room and awkward sit down in the middle. 

"You're going to choose me, right?" I whisper to Louis as I sit down, "Because I'm your boyfriend."

Louis just brushes my cheek playfully, "Guess you'll have to find out love,"

"Ok everyone, closes your eyes," Louis instructs and I close them, waiting for Louis to start.

"Zayn, I see you cheating." Louis remarks and I hear Zayn scowled what sounded like, "Twat."

"Duck, duck, duck, duck," Louis begins and I feel a firm tap on my head as he passes me. "Duck, duck, duck," Louis continues and he passes me again. 

"Get on with its Tommo." Niall says just as Louis exclaims "Goose!" 

I open my eyes to see Niall and Louis chasing one another around the library. If I remember correctly the chasing should stay within the circle, but I guess we make our own rules. 

"Run Niall run!" Liam cries and but Nall isn't quick enough and Louis slides into Niall's spot in the circle just in time.

"Guess I'm it," Niall says and we all close our eyes again. Niall ends up picking Zayn and the two of them make a lap around the aisles of books, laughing and yelling. Zayn outran Niall so Niall had to pick again.

This time he picked me, and I jumped up quickly as to not get left. I didn't make it however which was a bit embarrassing that Niall the drama kid had outrun me in a silly game of duck, duck goose. Nevertheless, I continued and the five of us entertained ourselves with duck, duck goose for the next hour. It was a silly thing because sometimes we forgot we were playing altogether and just sat in a circle and talked. 

I could act myself around them. I could laugh at what I thought was funny and say what I wanted to say. But best of all Louis could occasionally brush his lips to my neck or lay his leg over mine and nobody cared. Currently, he was sitting in between my legs, his hands soothingly running up and down my thigh as Niall obsessed over a new rendition of Dear Evan Hansen that was coming out later this year. 

"Niall, you are really one of a kind," Zayn says as Niall finished. "What made you interested in theater?"

"I used to sing a lot when I was younger," Niall explains but I'm hardly listening because all of my energy is focused on keeping myself under control as Louis continues to rub my leg. "And then my mom signed me up for a theater camp in hopes that I could go somewhere else and sing. Get me out of the house you know?"

Liam and Zayn nod, Louis hums and I bite my lip in concentration, don't make a fool of yourself now Harry! I scold myself. "And from then on," Niall continues, "I just fell in love with it. The energy you get performing _and_ being able to play someone you're not."

Zayn looks thoughtful, "You know Ni, I'm sorry for all those times I made of your singing. I was thoughtless and I made fun of something that obviously makes you really happy."

I don't blink because this is the real Zayn; caring, thoughtful, and wanting to make people happy but of course, the rest of them just sit there, shocked.

"T-Thank you," Niall says looking dumbfounded, "I didn't know you had that in you." 

"You ain't seen nothing yet," Zayn says with a cheeky grin.

"Ah, there is the Zayn we all know." Liam nods, "But for real, this is so weird. I feel like I've known you all for years."

"Some of us have," Louis says and nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck.

"If you don't mind me asking," Liam speaks up tentatively, "Are you two...?" He trails off but I get what he's asking.

"We're together," Louis starts, "Just not publicly so...what happens in detention, stays in detention."

They nod solemnly and Niall asks, "So, what about Ava?"

"Ava is one of my best friends." I say, "But we are not like that. It's more of just...a cover. I-I got bullied about my sexuality in grade school so coming here I just wanted a fresh start to be someone else."

"And what about you?" Liam asks Zayn and he frowns, 

"What about me? As far as I'm concerned, I'm the most normal out of the group of us."

"No, I mean why do you act so differently with the other lads?"

Zayn scratches his head, "I don't know. Harry and I just sort of became friends and then Ava came into it. It's all very strange."

"I'm getting that impression." Liam laughs and relief floods through me. They accepted me, they liked me for me. Now if I could just let myself trust them not to screw me over one day, I would feel free.

"See Haz?" Louis whispers in my ear as the rest of them continue to talk, "They were fine with us. Doesn't that give you a little hope that the rest of the school might not care?"

I want to agree with him, but I can't, and I won't lie to him as I do with everyone else. "Maybe just a tiny bit," I say which isn't a lie but it's not the whole truth.

"Well, at least we can be open with them, maybe one day I'll be able to show off to the whole school my beautiful boyfriend." Louis murmurs and I nod in agreement.

One day.

I didn't sleep with Louis that night, much to my dismay, because Stan decided to come back and pass out on his bed when we got back from detention. Louis and I stand in the doorway looking at his unconscious figure and I jut my lip out.

"Wanted to cuddle with you tonight." I pout and Louis takes my hand in his, kissing my knuckles,

"I know but I don't think we’d have the most pleasant time cuddling five feet away from Stan. It just feels..."

"Weird." I sigh. "Maybe we can work out room situations tomorrow. I... I like it when you hold me."

"I'm gonna miss playing with your curls tomorrow morning." Louis hums and tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear.

"Harry, are you coming?" Zayn asks, exasperated at the two of us. We had been standing there for the last eight minutes.

"Yeah, I'll be right there." And I turn back to Louis, "I'll see you tomorrow morning bright and early." And give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Good night love," Louis calls and then shuts the door behind him.

"Come here," Zayn says laughing and tugs me down to our dorm. "You two have attachment issues." He says dumping his stuff by the door and neatly hanging our brass keys on the hook by the doorknob.

"What do you mean attachment issues?" I frown. Sure Louis and I had been almost attached at the hip since when we could be, but that was expected of new couples...right?

"I mean you guys just seem to really connect. Maybe it was those years in primary school, I don't know."

I wasn't sure what Zayn was getting at, but I think I understood a bit. I was so over heels for Louis because he made me feel alive and wanted and special. He let me be me without making any comments about how I should change or be different. That was important to me because, after so many years of hiding myself and trying to fit in, I felt like I had lost a bit of that little boy who use to love his nails painted. I missed the feeling and Louis brought it back to me.

"It did all happen quickly but, it feels right."

"I'm glad for you mate," Zayn says throwing a hoodie over his pajamas and climbing into his bed. "It's been a long time since I've seen you so...happy."

"I'm happy when I'm with you and Ava." I object. They were the only people that did make me genuinely happy for the past two years. "And I was happy when I went to visit mom and Gem last year."

"Yeah, but you didn't smile and you didn't laugh the way you do with Louis," Zayn says, his eyelids slowly drooping.

I wouldn't argue because deep down I knew it was true. I climb into my own bed and press my nose to my pillow to smell the faint scent of Louis that lingered there from when he slept over two nights ago. The scent relaxed me and soon fell into a deep sleep.


	9. Tuesday

**_"He who thinks great thoughts, often makes great errors"_ **

**_~ Martin Heidegger_ **

It was Tuesday, which meant tomorrow would mark one week of dentition. One week since I had met a group of genuine friends. Oh, how things changed, and for once it was for the better. 

I climbed out of bed and ran my fingers through my curls, trying to tame them. The clock reads 6:45 and I patter over to the window to see if Liam is still outside. He is, wrapped in the same blanket and turned towards the sun which is peeking out from behind the dark green hills beyond.

Grabbing a jacket, I slip out the door to go join him. 

"Harry!" Liam exclaimed in delight when I plopped myself down next to him. "What a surprise. Couldn't sleep again?"

"Naw, just woke up early, I guess. Can you believe tomorrow will mark the first week of detention?"

"No, it all went by so fast." Liam says and hands me a half-open packet of crisps, "Want one?"

I take the cracker and nibble on it as we continue to watch the sky change color. "So how have your classes been going?" I ask, trying to make pleasant conversation.

"Easy." Liam sighs, "I've covered almost everything Ms. Peterson talks about and the extra credit is just time-consuming."

"Are you any good at math?" I ask half heartily, "That's the only class I have a B in right now."

"You told me that and yes, I'm good at math. Are you looking for someone to do your homework for you? I could, I have the time."

"No! I mean no, I need to learn the material but I was wondering if you would...like tutor me or something."

"I keep forgetting you're a decent human being outside of school." Liam laughs, "I've done your mate Trevor's math homework for the past six months."

"Why?" I'm disgusted that those guys would abuse Liam's friendliness.

"It uses to be for money, but I don't need it. It's just a waste of my time now."

"Don't let them push you around. They come off looking all high and mighty-"

"Like you?"

"But they—huh?"

"Like you? You and Zayn come off as very intimidating until I knew you in detention." Liam sighs, "Especially Zayn. I used to be so scared of him but then after detention, he invited me over to your guys' place to watch Harry Potter and he was screaming like a literal child when Harry was fighting the serpent."

I let out a laugh, "Yeah, Zayn is like a teddy bear. As for me, I'm a plain dork in real life." 

"I like dorky Harry," Liam says giving my shoulder a nudge.

"So? Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Will you tutor me in math? I promise I'll work hard, and I can repay you with whatever you want, I just need to get my grade up."

"You don't have to pay me." Liam says and we both stand up now that the sun has fully risen and people can be heard in the dining hall, "I'll do it as one friend to another."

"Good!" I say pretending to be relieved, "I'm broke so I couldn't have paid you anyway."

"Morning." Someone calls to me as I walk back up the stairs to my room to get ready for the day. Louis stands outside of his room, his hair messy and his shirt sleeves rolled up showing off his lean forearms. I stop in my tracks as my breath hitches for a minute and then I speed up the rest of the staircase to meet him. 

"What were you doing up so early?" Louis asked, taking my hand and playing with the tips of my fingers.

"Went and watched the sunrise with Liam." I tell him, "I try to do that every morning I wake up early, to keep him company."

Louis looks around the empty hallway and then taking my hand leads me into his room "Lou what?" I ask as he shuts the door and gives me a bone-breaking hug.

"Stan isn't staying the night tonight so if you wanna crash here..." Louis whispered into my neck, kissing it lightly.

"Yes!" I breathe, "I missed you and your cuddles last night."

"I can say the same."

"I guess I'll see you this afternoon?" I sigh as Louis pulls away.

"This afternoon, I can’t wait." And we both exit his bedroom, going our separate ways until detention.

The dining hall is crowded as usual and Ava meets me as we walk in. Everything in my life I seem to just do the motions. There is no feeling behind any of it. 

"You ok, Harold?" Ava asks her hand in mine. I love her to death, but I want nothing more than to unattached our hands right now.

"Want to be with Louis."

"You can put a stop to this." She says and adds another banana to my plate. She knows me well. "I would totally go along with it if you broke up with me right now."

It's tempting, especially as I see Niall and Liam sitting down at their usual table in the back. "No, I'll see him this afternoon." I sigh and we turn away from my detention friends to go sit at our usual table.

"So...?" Nathan asks the two of us as we sit down, "You guys figured out what you want to do for the party after the formal?"

I had forgotten about the formal. And of course, there would be an after-party. I would have gotten excited about it a couple of months ago but now it was the last thing I wanted to think about. The parties the students held after dances were just an excuse for random hook-ups and alcohol. The last one Ava and I attended was dark, loud, and school grounds were littered with red cups and hungover students for the next week. Yes, Ruthwood was a rigorous school but the teachers always let these parties slide after school dances. I think it was their excuse to enjoy a break as well.

"What is there to do?" I ask, playing with the egg and sausage on my plate.

"Beer pong, spin the bottle, strip twister..." Darcy lists out and I almost choke.

"I will not be participating in any of those games. That's disgusting."

"That's just because you're with Ava. Now us singles can get our party on." Trevor crows and a couple of students at nearby tables turn to see what's going on.

Frowning I turn to Ava, "Did your dress come yet? I had forgotten all about the formal."

"Yeah, in the mail yesterday. I'll show you tonight." Ava knows how excited I am to see the dress I picked out for her.

"You two are definitely going to win royal court this year." Kelly gushes and Ava just smiles and answers graciously "We'll see."

I look across the hall to catch Louis's eye, but he's engrossed in a conversation with Niall. Yes, I am a bit jealous but theoretically, I could be over there with him if I had the balls to finally come out, which I don't.

The bell rings and after kissing Ava lightly on the cheek I head to my classes. 

* * *

"Styles!" Trevor calls to me as I'm leaving math that afternoon. I really don't feel like talking with him, but I turn,

"Hey what's up, mate?"

"I had a question for you."

"Ok," I don't know where this is going and I'm a bit worried. I haven't seen Louis all day, so it better not be about that. I miss him.

"I know you and I don't really talk about this kind of stuff, but can I ask you some questions about you and Ava?"

"What do you mean," I say defensively. This can't be anything good.

"I mean how have you guys stayed together so long? What's your secret?"

Oh.

My secret is that it's all completely fake. I think to myself but that wouldn't do. "You're asking me for relationship advice?" I ask my eyebrows raise.

Trevor colors and nods slowly. He almost looks a bit afraid of me. "If you're alright with that. If not, I'll just go—"

"It's fine it just caught me off guard. What's your next class?" I asked walking towards the common room.

"Free period, you?" He replies. 

"I have an hour until French."

I hardly come into the common room anymore because I enjoy studying in the library and hanging out outside but in my first years at Ruthwood, I practically lived here. Much like the rest of the school, it's vast and spacious with high windows and velvet curtains. Stiff couches and tables are spread out so students can just hang out or attempt to study. There isn’t anyone in here now and we sit down.

"Ok, what do you wanna ask?"

Trevor shifts uncomfortably in his chair, "How do you go steady with someone? I can only get a relationship to last a week, two if I'm lucky and the fucking is good."

Since Ava and I had never fucked _and_ our relationship was fake, I decided to pull from my actual relationship to help him out. I just had to be careful that Louis's name didn't slip out in the process. "Being friends first is a good start." I begin. "If you genuinely like to hang out with them then you have something to work with."

Trevor nods, "That makes sense. What do you and Ava do that's not uh..." He trails off and I snicker at him and how uncomfortable he is.

"We watch movies, we listen to music, and have dance parties late at night." I try not to lie, Ava and I really did do those things, I just didn't add that Zayn was usually there too. I tilt my head and think about what Louis and I do, "I watch her do her hobbies, annoy her with questions...just talk about life." I make sure to change all the pronouns.

"So... yeah just a friendship." Trevor nods. "What else."

"It's different for everyone." I shrug, "Find something you both have in common."

"Ok. What else?"

"Communication." I say, "You have to be open enough to discuss something that is bothering you. If you can't and the other closes off it's just downhill from there." At this point, I don't even know what I'm talking about, but I carry on because Trevor seems to be intrigued. "And then of course, trust."

"How do you make sure that happens?"

"If you're friends with her, and you guys have good communication it will just happen naturally. And if it doesn't, that opens up a conversation you should have."

I don't know if this is really helpful, but I know Louis and I communicate well and we trust each other so it has to be somewhat correct.

"Wow, thanks Harry," Trevor says as if I had just given him the answer to the key to life...which I had most certainly not.

"Yeah, and don't worry about it, and being single isn't all that bad."

I should know, I had been up until last week.

"Not when your mom keeps nagging at you to get a girlfriend," Trevor mutters.

"Why would she do that?"

"All my older siblings found their spouses here and she wants me to do the same."

"Don't rush it," I tell him before standing up, "It's not worth being with someone who doesn't make you happy."

"Does Ava make you happy? Even after all these years?"

I edit the words. Does Louis make me happy? Even after all these years?

"Yes, extremely happy."

"Thanks, mate," Trevor said, "I-I was a bit hesitant to ask but I'm glad I did."

"Yeah, no problem, I'll see you around." And I leave Trevor to his thoughts wondering what the fuck I just did.

* * *

  
"Veuillez remplir les feuilles de travail que je vous ai données et n'oubliez pas de pratiquer les mots de vocabulaire pour le test oral de la semaine prochaine." Madem Bastien says and we all nod. My head is swimming with the new vocabulary and I search my bookbag for a mint to wake me back up.

"Hey Styles, do you wanna come to the town with us this afternoon?" Darcy asks and I turn to see the rest of the lads by the door, waiting for my answer.

"Sorry I still got detention," I say but I'm not sorry at all.

"Lame," Nathen teases and I give him a light shove. 

"Have fun." Darcy teases and I flip him off over my shoulder as I head to the library.

"What was that all about?" Niall asks as I meet him at the library entrance. 

"My dickhead friends teasing me about having detention. But in all honestly, I would rather be here."

"Why don't you ditch them?" Niall asks as we head in. "Toxic people aren't good to be around. I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of days ago."

"Oh I'm sorry," I say to Niall, but he shrugs it off. 

"We were having trouble already; it was bound to happen eventually."

"Still sucks," I say and Niall laughs,

"What would you know about breakups Harry? You've been in what? One fake relationship?"

"Twat." I say and sit down at my desk. As usual, Louis has placed a cookie there and warmth floods through my veins as I look up at him. I haven't seen him all day since none of our classes overlap today and I blow a kiss in his direction which he returned as Mr. Harrison walks in.

"Where is Zayn?" He asks looking bored as ever. 

"He got held back in science sir," Liam speaks up, "He'll be here soon."

"Thank you, Mr. Payne." Mr. Harrison nods and then looking around one more time, walks out and locks the door behind him. He locks the door and windows ever since Zayn and I escaped that first day.

Louis gets up and slides over to me and I turn so he can slide into my lap between my legs. "Missed you today." He whispered, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Me too," I say. I'm about to continue and tell him my run-in with Trevor that morning when the door opens, and a flushed Zayn and an annoyed Mr. Harrison walk in.

"I expect you to be on time tomorrow." He says curtly to Zayn who just nods and sits down next to me. I quickly swing my leg back over the bench of the desk as to hide that Louis and I were just cuddling but Mr. Harrison is already gone.

"He didn't even see us," Louis whispers as I replace my leg and hug him close to my chest.

"I know, I'm sorry I jumped." I apologize.

"It's alright love." Louis leans back in my arms and starts playing with the rings on my fingers.

"Harry, do you still want help with math?" Liam asks shyly and I nod,

"Yes! I totally forgot about that. I'll show you what I've got."

Louis pouts as I push him off, "No fair. I want to spend time with you!"

"After Liam helps me with my homework, we'll play a game. I want to pick today."

"Ok," Louis agrees and goes off to talk with Zayn and Niall. 

"Show me what you got and let's get this over with," Liam says as I pull out my algebra two homework. 

"Complaining already?" I scoff, "We haven't even started!"

"No, I'm just eager to hang with the other lads. I like our time in detention." He admits, "But you already know that."

"I like it too."

Liam looks over my shoulder at the page of practice problems I have to complete, "Alright, let's get started."

An hour later I am making a box around my final answer, "Thanks Payno." I say, looking down at my completed homework. He was actually quite helpful even though I had to remind him several times not to do the work for me.

"I'm done," I call over two the group of three that have congregated by the window and were playing I Spy. It had been quite the distraction listening to them play while Liam and I did math, but I was glad it was over.

Niall, Zayn, and Louis leave the window and sit down at our table. 

"Alright, who's turn is it today?" Niall asks rubbing his hands together. 

"I'll go." I volunteer. 

"What will you have us do?" Niall asks, "Give a lecture called how to score a fake girlfriend 101?"

"Funny but no, Louis is my boyfriend so I would do nothing of the sort. We will be playing a game of hide and seek."

There is a brief moment of silence and then Niall jumps up, "I fucking love that game! Can I be it first?"

"You actually like being it?" Zayn asks as we all get up.

"Yeah, I don't mind. It's a challenge."

"You are weird Horan." He says and the rest of us nods in agreement.

"Hide with me?" I ask Louis as Niall turns his head towards a wall and starts counting to twenty.

"Wouldn't that be a bit of a let-off if he finds both of us in one go?" Louis asks but lets me lead him to the back behind all the old atlases.

"I don't care. I haven't seen you all day." I pout and Louis giggles,

"You're so cute when you pout. You look like a baby pufferfish."

"Oh, how sexy," I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "I've always wanted to be compared to a tropical fish."

"Pufferfish are marine fishes and live in freshwater, not the saltwater," Louis whispers as we crouch down and hear Niall count eighteen.

"You have been spending too much time with Liam," I whisper back as Niall shouts,

"Nineteen, twenty! Ready or not here I come!"

We hear him walk off towards the biographies section, so we continue our conversation. "Maybe just a little." Louis admits, "But he's actually a great guy. I wish I had gotten to know him sooner."

"I wish that about all of you. I could have really used a Niall to make me laugh and a Liam to talk with these past years."

"What about me?" Louis demands and I smile and press a kiss to his nose,

"Don't even get me started with you. You are the one regret I have in my life, and that is not talking to you sooner."

"Imagine what things would have been like if we started talking the first day we came to Ruthwood." Louis sighs, "We are making up for all that wasted time now!"

"Yes, we are," I say and then fall silent because Niall's footsteps could be heard from a shelf away.

"I know you two are back here." Niall says, "I just heard that whole sappy conversation you guys had and think I just barfed in my mouth."

We keep silent and Niall continues to talk and search for us, "And just for future notice, it's dumb to hide together because now I would have found two of you in one go."

"I told you!" Louis hisses and I slap a hand over his mouth but it's too late.

Niall pops out from behind the shelf and points at us, "Found you!" He exclaimed and I scowl with my hand still over Louis's mouth. Louis pokes out his tongue to touch my hand and I pull away disgusted, 

"Eww, Lou!" I squeal, "You don't know where my hand has been."

"Where has your hand been?" Niall asks cheekily and I make a face at him.

"I need to hit you over the head with a bible Horan, get your head out of the gutter."

"Do it." He threatens, "Now get up and help me find the others."

Louis and I crawl out from in-between the shelves and the three of us fan out to go find Zayn and Liam.

I check all along the out rim of the library, making sure to look in each aisle but they are nowhere to be found. 

"Where are you guys?" Niall calls into the dark empty room but there's no reply.

"Maybe check the back room where the research computers are?" Louis suggests and sure enough, Liam is tucked behind the door of the computer lab and Zayn under the desks.

"You all really suck at this," Niall says once we are all back together. "All of you hid in twos."

"Out of me and Lou, who did you see first?" I ask, "So we can figure out who's the next it."

"Well, I heard Louis first." Niall says and then raises his voice to mock Louis, "We are making up for all that wasted time now!"

Louis shoves him and Niall almost falls off the table he's sitting on.

"So I guess I'm it," Louis says as Niall hops off the table. "One, two, three..."

Niall rushes silently over to the huge statue of a horse in the middle of the room and squeezes himself in between the back hoofs while I scurry to hid behind the desk in the back. I did see where Liam and Zayn ran off to, but they looked like they were hiding together again. 

"Ready or not here I come." Louis calls and I bite my cheek to keep myself from cooing. He sounds adorable.

Louis found Zayn and Liam first because they were idiots and decided to hide in the exact same spots as the last round. Then Zayn found Niall which left me.

"Hazza?" Louis questions as the four of them walk around the room to find me. "Where are you, Hazza?"

I clamp my lips together to keep myself from saying anything and curl myself tighter into the corner of the desk in hope that will make me less visible.

A pair of shoes, Louis's chunky brogues, walked past me and I sucked in my breath. His shoes stopped and backed up a couple of steps. "Hazza?" Louis sings quietly and walks in a circle looking for me. 

From this angle under the desk, I have a perfect view of his dark black trousers which he's lightly rolled up to expose his delicate ankle. I am too busy studying his foot when Louis pops his head under the desk and his gleeful smile finds my scared eyes.

"Found ya!" He exclaimed and pecked me on the nose. 

"I win!" I say happily as we both climb out from beneath the desk.

"Yes, you did babe," And taking my hand calls out to Zayn, Niall, and Liam, "I found the Hazza!"

"Good," Niall said and we sit down at the tables. "We must be terrible at this game because it's been an hour and a half, and we've only done two rounds."

Louis pulls me up into his lap as I start to nibble at the cookie he brought me. It satisfied my tight stomach and I nuzzle my head farther into his shoulder to say thank you. We spend the rest of detention talking about the upcoming formal and the party afterward. 

"Are any of you going with anyone?" Zayn asks and everyone shakes their heads except me and Louis. 

"I have to go with Ava, you know, that right?" I tell him but Louis frowns.

"When can we just be us, Harry?"

"Right now. We can be us right now."

"But I want to take you to the formal." Louis looks sad and I kick myself for bringing it up right now. The three others fall silent as they try not to listen in to our conversation but it's impossible.

"Hey, can we talk about it this evening?" I plead, looking at the clock. Mr. Harrison should be letting us out any moment now.

"Ok," Louis mumbled, playing with the rings on my finger, but he looks down. 

A couple of minutes later Mr. Harrison appears at the door and dismisses us. "Oh, I forgot to mention. Since you have come respectfully to detention this past week and with the formal coming up, you all have been released from the extra week."

My eyes go wide, "Really?" This was exceedingly rare.

"Yes, the teachers need my help with the formal and I'm too busy to keep an eye out for you all so an extra week won't be necessary."

I should be thrilled at this but my heart droops a bit knowing I won't have an excuse to hang out with them anymore. 

"Hey," Niall says as we all turn to go our separate ways. "We could still meet in the library after classes if you all want to, I mean. I've actually enjoyed you all more than I care to admit."

I smile, "I would really like that!" as Zayn nods eagerly in agreement.

"It's settled then, I'll see you losers tomorrow," Niall says and walks off. 

"Do you want to come up to my room to talk?" I ask tentatively and Louis nods.

"In that case, I'm off to get dinner." Zayn says and then turns to Liam, "Wanna join me Payno?"

"Really? Like, eat with you?"

"No, I mean just sit and watch me eat." Zayn rolls his eyes, "Yes."

"Ok, sure." And they walk off.

Louis and I are silent as we walk up the stair, me shuffling my feet and constantly looking around to see if anyone saw us. We make it back to my room safely and I kick off my shoes before flopping onto my bed.

"Cuddles?" I ask holding my arms out to Louis. Louis sighs and comes over to me to sit in my lap.

"Ok, Haz but we really need to talk about this."

"I have to take Ava to the dance," I say glumly lightly tracing circles onto Louis's thigh. "It's expected and I can't just dump her two days before the dance."

"Yes, you can." Louis says roughly, "You just won't."

"I'm sorry I can't be open as you." I say frowning, "But you said you wouldn't push me to come out. More or less _with_ a boyfriend. It doesn't matter Louis; you’re my boyfriend and I love that you are."

"Am I though?" Louis slips out of my grasp and turns so we can see one another. I wish he hadn't. There is so much hurt in his eyes I want to look away. "Nobody knows that we are together. No one knows that your _mine,_ so I have to stand by and watch you and Ava walk down the halls together, hand and hand when that ought to be me!"

"Why does it matter that people know about us?" I say angrily, "Doesn't just being with me count?"

"No, because it hurts Harry," Louis says sourly. "I know you aren't with Ava but that doesn't stop you two playing your stupid game and that doesn't stop girls shamelessly flirting with you during class."

"So you're jealous?"

"Of course I'm fucking jealous!" Louis shrieks, "That's _my_ boyfriend they are flirting with and that's _my_ boyfriend's hand Ava holds."

My throat dry and scratchy and I pinch my eyes together to stop a tear that is threatening to fall down my cheek any second now. "I'm sorry." I choke out. "I-I can't come out Louis. I want to and I know that it won't be all that bad. I know I have people that support me I just can't!" I can't hold it in anymore and break out into tears. Louis doesn't get mad but pulls me into his lap and lets me cry as he rubs soothing circles on my back. 

"Babe, I'm sorry I pushed you." His voice is strained, "I just wish things were different."

"Me too," I say meekly and hold him tight. "Y-you're not too mad at me, right? I'm sorry Lou. I'm sorry."

"No babe, I'll get over it but...could you hold out on the hand holding with Ava? It just hurts when you guys walk by. I know I'm a selfish pig, but I want you all to myself."

"You're not a selfish pig." I argue, "I'll try to do better. I really want to be with you, Lou. You know that. Ever since primary school."

"Maybe we can go on an actual date." Louis thinks out loud, "Or have Niall and Liam over to watch a movie because we can do whatever we want with them."

"I would really like that." I pull away from his grasp so I can look him in his eyes. He is a bit teary too and I'm so frustrated I'm not ready yet. I caused that hurt and that kills me inside. 

"So... will you still come to the dance?" I whisper, "I want to see you all dressed up."

"Do you now?" He cracks a small smile, "I don't know. Maybe I'll swing by afterward. Are you going to the party later?"

"I'm probably supposed to, but I would rather spend it with you. I'll tell Ava, she'll understand."

Just then Ava walked in through the door and stopped as she saw us on top of one another, "Is this a bad time? I can come back later."

I roll off of Louis's lap and wipe my eyes, "No now is fine. What do you want?"

"You wanted to see the dress?" Ava asked and I felt Louis stiffen.

"Can we do that another time Av?"

"But the dance is in two—" She stops when she sees Louis's crestfallen face as she takes in the situation. "Louis, I'm sorry I—"

"It's fine." He mutters, "I'll get over it."

"No Lou, it's my fault I'm being such a chicken about coming out. It really has nothing to do with you." I stammer. 

"Yeah," He says and slides off the bed. "I'm going to finish up some homework." And he starts towards the door. 

"Wait Lou, what about spending the night? You could bring your homework here."

"It's ok," Louis says and opens the door, "I rather be alone to kind of think things over."

I felt my heart drop in my chest as I watched him leave. I clenched my jaw to keep my tears from flooding down my cheeks again. How come this was so damn hard!

Ava slowly drops her dress bag to the floor and comes to comfort me. "I'm really sorry Harry, I didn't mean to walk in when I did."

"It's fine, we were already having trouble." I sob into her arm.

"What happened?" She asks still holding me. 

"He wants to take me to the dance," I say miserably. "I want him to, but I'm just not ready to face the lads, and well you know..."

Ava is quiet for a long time and I finally stop crying. "You know...?" Ava says and I look up.

"What?"

"I might have an idea. But I'm going to need help." 

"Ok. What can I do?"

"Not your help." She says getting up from my bed and looking around for a paper and pencil on my desk.

"Thanks a lot," I say sarcastically but she isn't listening, just writing feverishly on the paper. 

"You don't worry your curly little head about anything." She says and with that almost runs out of the room leaving me confused and still heartbroken over the upcoming dance. If she was going to try to talk some sense into Louis, I might have to kill her. It's not him she would be yelling at, it's me.


	10. Vorfreude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vor·freu·de  
> /vor-FROY-dah/  
> noun  
> A joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading!  
> All the live, -M

**_"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced."_ **

**_~ Søren Kierkegaard_ **

Today is the last day of detention, I think as I lay in bed the next morning. The dance is two days from today and I wasn't looking forward to it at all. Louis had left last night and even though I had sent him about ten messages pleading him to talk with me he didn't respond. I knew he was hurt but he told me he wouldn't push me, so I was stuck. 

It was barely four in the morning and there was no point in trying to go back to sleep so I slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash up. I could at least try to be productive. I walked past the window to see if Liam was outside yet, but I guess even he was still in his room, hopefully sleeping. 

I washed my face and stared a long time at my face in the mirror. Louis's soft voice whispering "strawberry freckles" echoed in my head and I held back a pitiful sob at how ruined things had gotten last night. I knew it was no hope. I couldn't come out. I just wasn't ready, and I could only hope that with some time Louis could see that and stop pushing me. I really liked him, and I knew it was mutual.

After I had washed my face and brushed my teeth, I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and went to sit at the window seat, waiting for Liam to emerge so I could join him. I needed to talk with someone. Someone who could tell me everything was going to be alright because it didn't feel that way right now. I fished around in my nightstand drawer for my phone and click on Gemma's contact.

 **Harry** : Hi Gem are you awake?

It would be around midnight for her there so I doubted she would be, but it was worth a shot. Surprisingly, the small bubble of text popped up and after a few seconds, a message appeared.

 **Gemma** : Yeah, just finishing some work for tomorrow. Why are you up isn't it like 4:30 over there??

 **Harry** : Yeah, it is. I needed someone to talk to.

 **Gemma** : Call.

I clicked the little phone icon and waited for the call to connect.

"Hey, Harry." Gemma's tired voice came through the speaker and my shoulders relaxed. I missed her so much.

"Hi Gemma, this won't take long. I know you probably need to get to sleep soon and stuff."

"Don't worry about it. I don't have to go into the office until noon tomorrow. What's up?"

"So much has happened." I start and snuggle deeper into the blanket, the morning winter air making me chilly. "Remember Louis from primary school?"

"Sure, you use to talk about him all the time when you were younger. Even after he went to that other school across town. What about him?"

"Well he goes here, Ruthwood I mean, and we um, we recently were in detention together—"

"You got detention?" Gemma demands and I wince. "What did you do?"

I blush at the question. Usually, I would be fine telling my sister about the stupid things I had done but I was on scholarship, which I'm sure she knew, this didn't feel quite the most appropriate action to have taken part in. "Mr. Harrison caught Zayn and me streaking the school," I mumble.

"Harry Edward Styles!" Gemma screeches over the phone and I pull the speaker away from my ear, "You didn't!"

"Yes, I did but that's not why I called."

"Ok sorry but wait until I tell mom—"

"Don't do that!" I beg, "Please Gem!"

"Fine, I'm sorry keep going. Louis?"

"Yes, so Louis had detention because he was hiding in the bathrooms to avoid gym class and drew on the walls. Gemma, I swear if you interrupt me again." I threaten, hearing her start to say something. She stops and I keep going. "We started talking again about primary school and just stuff and uh..."

Butterflies started going wild in my middle just talking about it, "And then we um, started dating..."

"HARRY!" Gemma about burst, "I'm sorry what? You didn't bother to call and tell me that my freaking baby brother got himself a _boyfriend?_ "

"I knew you would overreact," I mutter.

"What about Ava?" She asks and I sigh. 

"That's the problem..." And I tell her everything that happened last night. Louis wanting to take me to the dance, Ava coming in and then Louis leaving that night obviously hurt.

"I think you should go talk with him. Find a compromise." Gemma says much to my dismay. 

"I was hoping you would have a different answer."

"Like what?"

"Like things will just magically be fixed," I say meekly. I knew I had to go talk with Louis. I couldn't lose him over something silly like this. 

"Good luck Harry." Gemma says yawning, "I would offer more wise words, but my brain isn't functioning at the moment."

I looked at the time and cringed, it was 1:45 over there. "Sorry for keeping you for so long." I apologized, "I shouldn't have kept talking." I looked out the window as saw Liam making his way to his usual spot, but someone was with him this time. Zayn was still in bed so I wondered who it could be.

"It's alright H, you know you can come to me for anything. I might not be much help, but I'll listen."

"Thanks, Gem. I love you!"

"I love you silly. Good night."

"Good morning." I correct her and she laughs as I press end call.

"Zayn," I say prodding my unconscious friend on the shoulder, "Do you want to come watch the sunrise with me and Liam?"

Silence.

I guess not. I try one more time, flicking his head with my finger, and asking again. Still nothing. If you couldn't hear the heavy snores, one might think him actually dead. Sighing, I slipped on my shoes and keeping the blanket around me, headed outside.

"No," I whispered as I approached Liam and the unknown figure which was clearly Louis's slim frame. I wasn't ready to talk with him yet. I also felt incredibly stupid just barging in on their conversation. But it was too late to turn back.

"Hi, Harry!" Liam called and Louis turned to see me, wrapped in my blanket, my curls still messy from sleep.

"Hi," I say and inch forward, "C-Can I join you guys?"

Liam nods and not breaking eye contact with Louis I sit on the other side of Liam, knees up to my chest. The sun hasn't risen yet over the hills and the school grounds are still a dusty shade of purple and blue. 

"So... are we just going to pretend this isn't awkward as fuck?" Liam says bluntly looking from me to Louis. I shift uncomfortably and Louis lets out a small cough.

"I-I don't really know what to say." I mumble, looking at the ground, "Lou, I really don't want you to be mad at me."

"I'm not mad." Louis says softly and scoots so he can look at me more clearly over Liam's head, "I guess I was just disappointed...and hurt. It was my fault for pushing through, I know I said I wouldn’t, and I did."

"I can't come out. I'm sorry Lou, but I can't do it. I _can_ call it quits with Ava. Would that help?" Gemma had told me to find a compromise and Ava had said she wouldn't mind breaking up. 

Louis's face brightens a bit, "Would you really do that?"

I move closer to him, "Yeah, Lou. I-I really want to be with you, we have so much history and everything just seemed so perfect..."

"I know. I felt it too." Louis says, smiling a bit. 

Poor Liam who was still sitting in between us stood up and moved to the other side of Louis so I could climb into his lap. "I'm really sorry again," I whispered as he pressed a soft kiss to my head. 

"I know love, I'm sorry too."

"Stay with me tonight?" I ask shyly, "I'll kick Zayn out."

"I would like that," Louis smiles, "I missed you last night."

"Where will Zayn go?" Liam asks and I turn,

"I don't know, maybe he can go sleep with Stan in the art studio."

"Who's Stan?" Liam questions his eyes frowning.

"Um, my roommate." Louis answers looking at Liam with a quizzical expression. 

"Oh," Liam says and then looks back at the horizon. I wonder what that was all about. 

"Do you want to come to my room instead?" Louis asks, "Since Stan won't be there and then Zayn can stay in your room." 

I shrug, "Sure, doesn't matter to me. I just want to be with you."

"How sweet," Liam mocks, "Just keep the saliva swapping down to a minimum in detention today You guys are sickening."

The comment reminded me that Louis and I still haven't shared our first kiss. I hoped I wouldn't have to wait too much longer.

"Sickeningly cute you mean," Louis says with a cheeky grin.

"No, I meant sickening."

The sun wasn't fully visible behind the grey clouds which suggested rain or snow was in the near future but waking up was worth it. I stand up and Louis and Liam do the same. "Thank you, guys, for joining me," Liam says. "I hope you'll continue to do so even after we aren't doing detention together."

"Are you kidding?" Louis asks as we walk back to the school. "You guys are literally my only friends so of course, I won't ditch you after dentition."

"Speaking of which, who will pick our game today?" I wonder, "We have only one more day, but two people still need to go."

"Well, we already agreed we'd meet tomorrow in the library just for fun." Liam says, "As for who picks the game today, that's between Zayn and Lou."

"Only I get to call him Lou!"

"Sorry, that's between Zayn and Tommo." Liam corrects himself and I nod, satisfied. Nobody gets to call my boyfriend Lou, except for me.

"You're so cute when you're jealous." Louis marvels before we part ways. I couldn't wait for dentition. 

"Where you out with Liam again this morning?" Zayn asks me immediately as I walk through the door, my cheeks still pink from the cold.

"Yes."

"You should have gotten me." He sulks.

"I tried. I even flicked your head, but you were out cold mate." I laugh but Zayn continued to scowl. "Don't get too worked up about it," I laugh, "He'll be there tomorrow if you're so desperate to see the sunrise."

"I don't care about the god damn sunrise." I think I heard him mutter before retreating back to the bathroom, but I couldn't be sure.

I got ready for the day, just putting on my uniform and my light winter coat because it had gotten considerably colder these past few days. I grabbed my book bag from my desk chair and was about to head out, "Zayn are you coming?"

"Yeah," He emerges from the bathroom, dressed and hair flawless as usual. Instinctively I reach up to touch my curls which still lay messily on my head. Oh well. 

"Could we sit without friends today?" Zayn asks, "We could come up with some shit ass reason, but I can't stand Nathen breathing down my neck about the formal's afterparty or another minute."

"And what would that shit ass reason be?" I wanted to; I really did.

"I don't know, you have the brains Mr. I-Pull-All-A's now."

"I'll text them and Ava to meet us in the rose garden how's that?"

"What rose garden?"

"Exactly."

The group of us had exchanged numbers last week but I hadn't texted anyone except Louis. I opened up a new chat and add all in their contacts before sending the message,

 **Harry** : Breakfast @ rose garden this morning??

A second later the responses began to come in.

 **Lou** : Sure love.

 **Niall** : Who are all these people?

 **Lou** : I'll get Nialler and Payno and we'll meet you there!

 **Niall** : Who tf is everyone???

 **Liam** : Which number is Zayn?

 **Niall** : Oh it's you guys.

 **Niall** : How did you get my number?

 **Louis** : You gave it to us idiot.

 **Niall** : I will leave if you insult me on here.

 **Zayn** : Hi Payno!

 **Louis** : Chill Niall, it's too early in the morning to get your knickers in a twist.

 **Liam** : Hi Zayn. Missed you this morning :(

 **Niall** : I wasn't!

 **Niall** : You started it Tommo!!!

 **Zayn** : Missed you too. H tried to wake me up but alas.

"Alas?" I snort and Zayn who is standing next to me, typing on his phone as we wait for Ava at the entrance to the dining hall.

"What's wrong with alas?"

"Nothing other than you sound like you're straight out of the 13th century."

"Who are all these jackasses blowing up my phone?" Ava asked, approaching us and showing me the twenty new messages notification.

"My new friends!"

"Oh, your guy's detention buddies?" She asked as we walk in to get our breakfast. "I only recognized Niall's number."

"How come you had Niall's number?"

"No reason in particular." She says nonchalantly and I'm about to press her for more information when my phone dings again. I put down the ladle full of porridge I was about to serve myself to check what was going on. Niall and Louis were still bickering like children, so I click my phone off and continue to collect my food.

"So, why do I have to come again?" Ava asks as I lead Zayn and her through the back of the school to the rose garden. 

"Because you would be asked questions if you were seen without me."

"God forbid I be seen without my fake boyfriend." Ava jokes.

"Yay, you made it!" Liam says when we enter the garden. Louis and Niall are sitting at the picnic table and stealing sausages off each other's plates while Liam comes over to greet us. Greet Zayn more like it. The two of them instantly start conversing leaving me and Ava to approach Niall and Louis's sausage battle.

"Hey love," Louis says and gives me a kiss on the cheek, his lips savory.

"Good morning, long time no see." I quip taking the seat next to him.

"So what's up with the new seating?" Niall asked, scooting over so Ava can join us. Liam and Zayn are off on the other side in a deep discussion, so I leave them be.

"Zayn and I wanted to spend time with decent people for a change I guess," I say casually, and Louis pretends to be offended,

"Did you just call your boyfriend _decent?_ "

"Maybe."

"How rude Harold."

"Don't call me Harold, call me Haz like you always do." I pout and lift my leg to rest over his under the table,

"Sowwy Hazza," He says in a mock baby voice.

"Gets annoying after a while doesn't it?" Niall says to Ava and she just nods with a faint smile on her lips.

It was probably the best breakfast I had in a long time. Darcy wasn't breathing down my neck about some stupid shit and Ava could converse on a topic away from nails and hair. In fact, she and Niall seemed to get along nicely. As for Liam and Zayn, god knows where they had disappeared off too. And of course Louis. 

The first bell rang signaling it was time for first classes to start and I quickly down my tea, letting the hot liquid scorch my throat, and stood up taking my tray in one hand and my book bag in the other.

"We'll see you in detention," Niall says and then gives a sly smile to Ava who returned the expression. 

"What was that?" I demand Ava as we make our way to the main building along with all the other students who had decided to eat breakfast outside this morning. "Are you and Niall?"

"What? No!" She laughs, "He recently broke up with his girlfriend."

"I know."

"Well, what was that little smile thing you guys exchanged?"

"I guess you'll find out soon enough."

I hated it when she kept things from me.

* * *

"Good work Mr. Styles." Ms. Peterson said to me, handing back my history paper with a bright red A on the front. I couldn't help it, so I ducked my head to smile proudly. No cheating, no one doing it for me, I had earned that A all by myself. 

"Remember to prepare for the quiz tomorrow and then you are on winter break!" She called to the class and we all stand up to leave.

I was in a good mood when I met Zayn for gym class, and he seemed to be too. "Run with me today?" He asks, "I have something to ask you."

"Sure,"

I really don't know why they picked track for the event this season. It's bloody cold out and our school gym clothes are not warm enough to keep our skin from turning red from the wind. My face feels numb and my lungs burn as we run around the grounds. "What did you want to talk about?" I huff to Zayn who is breathing hard next to me, our breath creating white clouds of condensation. 

"Liam."

"Ok, what about him?"

"I think I might like him."

"You're not special, I like him too."

"You what?" Zayn looks indignant.

"Sure, I don't get up at the crack of dawn to sit and watch the sunrise with someone I hate."

Zayn lets out an exasperated groan, "I mean I think I _like_ him."

My feet come to a halt as I whip my head to look at him, "You what?"

"Do I really need to repeat myself again?" Zayn stopped next to me and hunched over to catch his breath.

"I-I'm just surprised is all," I say, trying to piece together what he just told me in my head. I noticed they had been getting closer these past couple of days, but I had never read into it. I guess it made a bit of sense. "Are you sure?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you. How did you know?"

Zayn knew I was gay, but the actual process of coming to terms with that label was something I never discussed with him. "Jog with me and I'll do my best to explain it."

We started jogging and I knew this would be the longest four miles Coach would ever have to record for me. "I met Louis in primary school, you know that, and from that moment I saw him I just knew I had to talk with him. I had to be his friend. All the other little boys my age were pulling the girls hair and teasing them, but my eyes were solely on Louis. I didn't care, in fact, I was a bit scared when a girl asked me to eat lunch with her one afternoon. I think I replied with 'No thank you I have to give my cookie to Lou today' It wasn't meant to be rude, but I just had no interest."

Zayn listened to me silently and then speaks, "So for you, it was one person that made you know?"

"It also was a glaring red signal when I started crushing on Oliver Wood when the Sorcerer's Stone came out in theaters instead of Hermione."

Zayn nods, "Everyone is sleeping on Dean." He sighs and I let out a full-on laugh,

"So, you really think?"

"I'm not 100% percent sure yet but I really like Liam."

"I'm happy for you Zayn. I'm happy you've found someone who makes you get all flustered, so you start texting like a 13th-century scholar."

"Was it that bad?" Zayn groans.

"Alas, I guess we'll never know." I joke before speeding up to finish the trail I was going to be late for dentition at the rate.

"Less talking more running next time Styles." Coach Clark reminds me when I finish and I nod, 

"Will do sir." He doesn't look mad. I'm by far one of the best runners in the class, even the guys who are on the track team, so I'm not worried about getting a slight deduction for my lack of attention today. Zayn needed my help, and I would give it to him any day. He was my rock for the past years of my life the least I could do for him having my back was to help him out with Liam.

I showered in the locker room and rubbed my curls dry with a fluffy white towel embroidered with the Ruthwood crest, I swear they stick our logo on anything they can find and emerge from the locker room bag in hand ready for detention.

"So, are you thinking about doing anything with Liam?" I ask Zayn while we walked. I wasn't going to try and pry at the situation, but I was immensely curious. 

"I don't know." He sighs, "For all I know I'm the only one feeling this way. Please don't say anything until I do though?" He asks and I nod, completely sincere. 

"Last day here huh?" Niall says, meeting us at the door. I'm about to respond when a pair of arms wrap around my waist in a big bear hug, 

"Hazza!" Louis gushes and holds out the usual packaged warm cookie. 

"You don't keep having to do this you know," I say but Louis just hugs me tighter, 

"Yes, I do love, so get used to it." I giggled from the contact and we fell through the door laughing.

We all get settled in our seats and I catch a small smile pass between Liam and Zayn. It just _had_ to be mutual, but I kept my mouth shut.

"Last day," Mr. Harrison said early, "I expect you all to be on your best behavior at the formal."

We all nod "Yes sir!" And he leaves.

"Zayn's turn to pick the game today!" Zayn says happily jumping over his desk to join me and Louis. 

"We have moved from the 13th century to speaking in the third person." I muse giving him a sarcastic round of applause.

"What game are you going to pick?" Liam asks interested as we all gather around the center table. 

"How about a nice game of never have I ever," Zayn suggests.

"This could be fun." Louis says, leaning forward, "I'll go first, everyone put out ten fingers."

We all raise our hands and wait for Louis to speak, "Never have I ever eaten an avocado."

"We aren't talking about Ava, right?" Zayn jokes and I shove him.

"No, I mean the vegetable," Louis says laughing at my embarrassment. 

"I have," Liam says putting down a finger, so does Zayn and Niall. "And Tommo, avocados are a fruit, not a vegetable."

"If I wanted a science lesson, I would have asked for it Payno." Louis sasses back and Liam puts up his hands as if to say, "Chill."

"My turn!" I announce, "Never have I ever made out with a girl."

"That's cheating," Niall says pouting as everyone puts a finger down, even Louis. "You got all of us in once go!"

"It's not cheating, it's called winning." I take another small nibble of my chocolate chip cookie and smile smugly in Niall's direction.

"Fine," Niall huffs, "Never have I ever gotten confused while reading Shakespeare."

Louis, Zayn, and I all put down a finger. "Making us feel dumb now are you?" Louis says and Niall nods contently.

"Never have I ever had brown hair," Zayn smirks at me, Louis, and Liam and we all put our fingers down, and to our surprise, so does Niall.

"You're blonde Nailler." Louis laughs, "Or you a dumb blonde and don't know your own hair color?"

"I'm naturally brunette." Niall admits, "I just dyed it."

"Oh, huh. I couldn't picture you with brown hair." Liam says thoughtfully.

"It will grow out soon enough." Niall replies and then nudges him, "Your turn Payno."

"Never have I ever checked myself out."

"With our without pants?" Niall inquires and Liam blushes bright red,

"I-I was thinking with clothes on geez Niall." He sputters.

I put my finger down and so does Zayn, Louis, and Niall. 

"You've never checked yourself out?" Zayn asks unconvinced to Liam who nods. "Like not even just in the bathroom mirror to fix your hair or something?"

"I'm not as self-absorbed as the rest of you." Liam says plainly, "And it's not like the view is great."

"Shut up!" Zayn says forcefully, "The view is lovely." And then realizing what he has just said, fell backward off the table in embarrassment.

"Moving on," Louis says casually watching Zayn roll around on the floor like this was a normal occurrence, which it was, "Never have I ever gone skinny dipping."

I am the only one who puts down a finger. "Your loss." I say, "You haven't lived unless you've gone skinny dipping in water that was under sixty degrees."

"I think I'll pass," Liam says wincing at the thought.

"Why did you go?" Louis's eyes looked suspicious.

"I was crossing things off of my life list and decided to get that one over with." I shrugged.

Nobody asked me any other questions except Niall said, "Only Harry."

"My turn!" I say, "Never have I ever left gum in a public space."

I didn't think anyone would have done this but to my surprise, Zayn, Louis, and Niall all put down a finger. "What?" I exclaimed, "Babe, that's disgusting!"

"Hey," Louis says in his defense, "All the flavor had run out and the trash was miles away!"

"Yeah, and sometimes I forget the no gum on stage rule when I'm blocking so I'll just stick it somewhere off stage and let the crew find it later," Niall says proudly.

"I'm not even going to ask you," I mutter to Zayn.

It's Niall's turn next, "Never have I ever thought a teacher was hot."

"Are you serious?" Zayn asks putting down a finger. So does Liam.

"What the hell?" Niall asked looking at their fingers.

"Ms. Linda, the new art teacher is fit." Liam sputtered and I saw Zayn looking anxiously over at him. 

"We all need serious help," Louis mutters and I nod in agreement. I am having fun though; I don't think a dentition has gone by where I didn't have fun with these boys.

We finish the game, Zayn lost, just as Mr. Harrison comes in to dismiss us for the last time. "I hope you all had time to think over your actions and expect for you to proceed with new morals." He said and we all nodded. "I will see each of you at the formal in two days."

"Come over?" Louis asks me as I pack up my things. 

"Did you seriously just ask me that?" I laugh and swinging my arm around him we head out the door. We didn't meet anyone on the way back to the dorms which was good because we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. Louis's hands fidgeted with the sweater that clings to my waist and I was leaning into his arm, relishing the moment where we could show affection for one another that wasn't behind a closed door.

We make it up to his bedroom and leads me to the bed where he pushed me down and jumps on top of me, straddling my thighs. "This is new," I mumble as he begins to kiss lightly at my neck. My whole body feels on fire from his weight on my lap and my arms are going weak trying to hold myself up as Louis continues to suck at the sensitive skin by my collar bone.

"Lou," I moan while my arms give out and I fall backward, lying down on the bed and Louis on top of me. 

"Hazza?" Louis says a bit out of breath. His face is close to mine and I notice a light dusting of freckles across his nose I had never seen before. His lips were pink, his eyes bright and inviting. 

"Yeah?" I prop up on my elbows to get closer to him, "W-What?"

"Can I kiss you?" 

My heart sped up a beat and my tummy started feeling fluttery as if all the butterflies inside were about to take off and me with them. "Y-Yeah, please," I whisper and Louis wasted no time before finding my lips with his.

The feeling I got next was one I don't think I'd ever get enough of.

Our lips pressed together harder, hot, and damp and electric, closing on a soft sigh I wasn't sure was my own. I hardly moved, too overwhelmed by the explosion of a golden glow in my chest to do anything but gently latch onto Louis' bottom lip and suck. He seemed to like this and crawled farther over me, bending down elegantly and puckering his lips against mine, slow and teasingly.

My head felt intoxicated with Louis's familiar scent, vanilla, and musk and I closed my eyes, nuzzling my face against his. Louis inched farther on top of me and his thighs were taut under his school trousers, the fabric coarse where I wanted to feel his skin. Bloody hell, I did. I wanted to feel Louis everywhere as he tilted his head and slotted our mouths together more firmly.

Finally, we pulled away, flushed, and panting. "I really like you," I rasped out and Louis rolled off of me giggling. "What?" I pout, curling up next to him as he draped a long lean arm over me.

"Well, you just made out with me for ten minutes I should hope you really liked me." He laughed again at my dorky comment.

"Don't laugh at me!" I pucker my lip out and give him my baby face. I only used this face on Gemma when I wanted things my way at home, but I felt like it was necessary to bring it out. 

"Don't do that," Louis growled looking at me and licking his lips, "It just makes me want to get right back on you and kiss you senseless!"

"Well I want to kiss you futile," I reply rolling so I now looked down at him.

"Insensate."

"Moronic," I mumble kissing his neck.

"Fatuous." Louis moans under my touch. 

"Oh, this is hot." I laugh pulling away from his neck, "Let's make out while reciting the thesaurus."

"I don't know." Louis says, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger, "You make it work."


	11. Ephemerality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ephemerality  
> /ephem·er·al·i·ty/  
> noun  
> things that exist or are used or enjoyed for only a short time.

**_"Leisure is the mother of philosophy."_ **

**_~Thomas Hobbes_ **

Something was tickling my nose and I unconsciously reached my hand up to scratch it when another hand collided with mine and I jumped awake. Louis's bright blue eyes were looking down at me, his hand still wrapped around one of my curls.

"Good morning Haz," He said, his morning voice, all deep and husky, making my breath hitch.

"Touching my hair again?" I teased, "That's a bit weird don't you think?"

"Says the boy who tries to smell me every single chance he gets," Louis scoffed, rolling onto my tummy, and straddling my waist. He slowly plants a firm kiss on my cold lips before sitting back up. "Your neck looks pretty."

I sit up so quickly that Louis goes flying off my lap and onto the pillows as I rush to the bathroom to inspect my neck. Sure enough, there are harsh purple love bites all along my neck and collarbone. I highly press one of them and a dull ache washes through the tender skin. Louis comes up behind me and wraps his hands around my waist. "Pretty isn't?" He whispered proudly.

I lean into his touch and kiss him on his cheek. "I will kill you later for making me have to wear a turtleneck today."

"I can't wait." He replied cheekily. 

I push him out of the door so I can shower and Louis pouts but leaves. I strip my clothes off from yesterday and just as I stepped into the hot water, I remembered I didn’t have anything to change into afterward. "LOUIS!" I yell over the water and the door opens,

"What?"

"Can you grab me clothes from my room?"

"Damn, I thought you were gonna ask me to join you," Louis complained and I laughed,

"You wish."

"Don't get me excited," He warns, "I'll be back." And the door closes which leaves me alone with the very dirty thought of showering with Louis. 

"You'll never guess what I just saw!" Louis shouted a couple of moments later, bursting through the door and sending a wave of cold air into the steamy room, "So I went to grab your clothes, got you a turtleneck by the way—"

"Thanks."

"—And you’ll never guess who opened the door!"

"Zayn?"

"No, Liam!" Louis shrieked. "Poor Payno looked like he was about to shit his trousers when he saw me."

"NO WAY!". I couldn't wait to grill Zayn about it later. 

"Yeah. The two of them looked petrified as I got your clothes." Louis giggled from the other side of the shower curtain. "We are interrogating them when we meet this afternoon."

I stop the shower and reach out to grab a towel, "Lou, just be easy on Zayn. It was just yesterday he told me his um, feelings towards Liam. I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable."

I step out of the shower and Louis's jaw drops, "Stop it." I demand him as my face blushed. "Stop staring."

"No," Louis said, walking up to me and planting a kiss on my wet lips. A spark of electricity shot through me as our lips touched.

I was addicted.

I kissed him back.

It took us about ten minutes longer than usual to get ready that morning since we both couldn't get enough of each other's mouths. And to think I had to go the whole day without him until this afternoon made me kiss him once more before we split ways for breakfast.

"Text me throughout your day?" Louis requested and I nodded,

"I will."

I had already discussed with Ava our breakup plan, so I didn't meet her at the entrance of the dining hall today. Instead, I met Zayn who looked as bright as ever. "Have a good morning?" I tease and Zayn covers his face with his hands, blushing.

"So Louis blabbed, didn't he?" 

"I would be worried if he didn't."

We walk into the dining hall to collect our breakfast and I spot Ava on the far side of the room with...Niall? The two of them are in deep conversation and I dig out my phone to send her a message.

 **Harry** : What are you doing with Niall?

I see her stop and pick up her phone. She reads the message and then looks up to scene the premises before spotting me. She rolls her eyes, flips me off, and starts typing.

 **Avacado** : Little sneak, stop staring at us. 

**Harry** : What are you guys talking about? Moving on already???

 **Avacado** : Niall is dying of laughter over here, so thanks a lot. I'm not telling you. You'll find out tmw.

 **Harry** : Is this one of your 'amazing' plans that usually aren't all that 'amazing' and more 'meddling?'

 **Avacado** : You have no faith in me but TRUST US, you will be thanking me _and_ Ni tmw.

 **Harry** : I doubt it but fine. I'll see you later.

 **Avacado** : Remember to get extra food! I know you will probably skip lunch.

 **Harry** : Yes mom.

 **Avacado** : That's yes fake-ex girlfriend to you.

I pry my eyes away from the two of them and walk to my usual table with Zayn. I completely zoned out while eating and thankfully everyone gave me some space although Trevor kept trying to rub me on the back and saying things like, "It's alright mate." I really wished I hadn't given him that heart to heart because now he thinks we are like best friends or something.

"I'm fine Trevor!" I say for the third time and he retracts his hand.

"So are you and Ava just going to the dance separately?" Nathen asks and I drop my head against the wooden table in exasperation. This turned out to actually hurt quite a bit and I sat up to rub my head.

"Yes, it would be weird to go to the formal with your ex." I really want to leave.

"Why did you guys even break up?" Trevor asks, "You guys have been together for years." He stressed the last word like he's trying to prove a point to me.

"People change and grow apart." I recite. Ava and I had put together a story for the separation and hopefully, it didn't come off as too fake and cheesy.

"No for real mate," Trevor asked leaning in like I was going to share a secret, "Was the sex bad or something."

"Mind your own fucking business!" I snapped, getting up to throw away the rest of my breakfast. Who were they idiots to think they could just pry away at my personal life?

I didn't see any of my detention friends except for Zayn in the dining hall and I had a few minutes before class, so I sat down on a bench in the foyer and sent a message off to the group chat.

 **Harry** : Where are my friends???

A couple of seconds went by and then Liam answered.

 **Liam** : Helping Ms. Edwards prepare today's lab equipment.

 **Harry** : Liam, get a life.

 **Liam** : No need to ask what you are doing right now?

 **Harry** : I am sat on this bench waiting for my classes to start and wanting to talk with my friends.

 **Liam** : And you say I need a life.

 **Lou** : Hey, back off on my baby Payno.

 **Harry** : Louuu! Where are youuu?

 **Harry** : See it rhymes!!!

 **Liam** : Harry, you are five.

 **Lou** : Harry, you are adorable.

 **Zayn** : Guys, people think I have a vibrator in my pocket. Harry where'd you go?

 **Harry** : I am sat on bench in front hall.

 **Liam** : Harry your English is just terrible. How the hell are you pulling an A in English?

 **Harry** : I have my ways.

 **Lou** : That turned me on.

 **Zayn** : Get a fucking room.

 **Liam** : I need to wash my phone now. You guys are gross.

 **Niall** : What did I miss wankers???

 **Zayn** : Niall, I would leave now. Harry and Louis are about to start virtually snogging.

 **Naill** : Cool.

 **Lou** : Everyone chip in to get Niall in to see a psychologist.

 **Harry** : I am broke.

 **Zayn** : Ok.

 **Liam** : I will pay for it myself if it means we can fix him.

 **Niall** : Wrong word choice.

 **Zayn** : The exact reason you need to see a psychologist.

I am laughing hysterically at this point as I watch the conversation unfold in front of me. God, I love them. The church bell sounded through the academy and I pick up my book bag and skip to my next class. 

"Please divide yourself up into groups to take on the list of discussion questions. These questions will be on your next test so come up with solid answers as a group and you will be fine." Mr. William said. 

I had been staring at the side of Louis's head all through class up until then and was forced into a group with some of Ava's friends and some other students I didn't know. Louis was on the other side of the class, talking with some girl. I wish I had paid attention so we could have worked in the same group. 

"So what were some of the major themes in Tale of Two Cities?" Some girl I didn't know asked. The group of them started to discuss and I kept notes. 

My eyes found their way back to Louis who was now laughing with another classmate. He looked so perfect. His hair was perfectly tousled, and his eyes shone a bright blue in the dark classroom looking like jewels. 

"Harry, are you even trying?" Ava's friend scolded me, "You've missed the last three answers."

I looked down and hurried to catch up, I couldn't draw my eyes away from Louis. And the fact that he didn't look at me once during class made me miss his blue eyes even more. It felt like an eternity until Mr. Williams gave out this week's homework and finally announced class was dismissed. Everyone was being restless today, it was the day before the formal, of course we were, but it was nothing to what I felt. 

I bolted for the door and looking around to make sure no one saw us, I grabbed a certain brown-haired boy's hand and ducked into an empty study room, closing the door hard with my foot and pressing myself into his chest. 

"Harry I—" I cut Louis off and collided my mouth with his. The same spark of electricity shot through me and I hungrily moved my mouth against his. It took a split second for Louis to respond but when he did, he kissed me back with just as much need.

"Look...at...me...during...class...every...now and then!" I muttered into his mouth as Louis ran his hands in my curls.

"Ok," He said breathlessly and continues to pull at my hair. I let out a soft moan and then grudgingly pull away. 

"You good now?" Louis asked amused. 

"Y-Yeah, I just missed you."

"Haz, we haven't even gone to lunch yet,” He laughs.

"Excuse me for wanting to kiss my boyfriend!" I insist and give him one more kiss before exiting the classroom. I'm halfway down the hall, trying to straighten out my tie when my phone dings.

 **Lou** : The thing you did with the door was rlly hot. Teach me one day.

 **Harry** : I was in a hurry.

 **Lou** : No shit.

 **Harry** : Library with the guys this afternoon, right?

 **Lou** : You better not be late, it's my day to pick the game!

 **Harry** : Oh I won't be late. Not for you but for my cookie!!

 **Lou** : I feel used.

 **Harry** : No, you should feel loved.

I clicked my phone off and walk off to my next class, totally unaware that Louis stood at the other end of the hallway, stunned and breathless at the word I had just so casually let slip.

The rest of my afternoon was nice but a bit lonely. People buzzed here and there about the upcoming dance while I just sighed. Now I wouldn't be going with Ava or Louis. Maybe I could head back to the dorms early and have a movie night with him. That sounded a lot nicer than loud music, strobe lights, and drunk people packed in shoulder to shoulder. Alone now, it was weird walking the halls alone without my usual group of 'friends' around me and Ava's hand in mine. I kind of liked it.

Scratch that, I did like it. 

I was in a good mood when I reached the library that afternoon. I had gotten back two tests, both with fat letter A's on the front, and texted a picture to my mom who had responded with a load of party emojis and hearts. I was pretty proud of my improvement and my teachers were as well. In a small way, things seemed to be pretty great right now. 

"Guess who?" Someone teased, putting hands over my eyes and making me jump out of my skin.

"HOLY SHI—" I say and turn to see Niall with a huge grin on his face,

"Fuck Styles, I got you good!"

"I hate you." I mutter and hold the door open for him so we can both walk in, "I don't even know why I'm here right now."

"Yes, you do, it's because you love us!" Niall sings.

"Something like that."

"Hey everyone," Niall greets Zayn and Louis who are already at the tables. It was weird that Mr. Harrison hadn't come in yet, that because we were hanging out...by choice...in a library. 

"Hazza," Louis says, handing me the typical package and then scooting closer to me so our sides touched. 

"Share?" I ask splitting the treat in half and Louis smiles, 

"Just like old times." 

Liam comes bursting in a moment later, "Sorry I'm late guys, I was helping to clean up the science lab."

"Of course you were," Zayn says laughing before joining him at the seat across from us.

"Why are you always there?" I ask, "You were setting up there this morning."

"Extra credit thing." He sighs, "Not that I really need it though."

"Alright, onto our game! What will it be today Tommo?" Niall asks turning to Louis.

"Would you rather?" Louis asks looking at the group. 

"Sounds good," Zayn said and slid into the seat next to Zayn, "I'm surprised we went this whole detention without playing truth or dare."

"Maybe some other time," Louis says, "That's not my favorite game anyways."

"Come on Tommo, that could be fun." Niall pleads.

"Absolutely not playing now if Niall wants to," Liam says shuddering. "Things could get very bad...very fast."

"What?" Niall says exasperated, "What's the worse I could do?"

"I don't know, and I don't want to find out." Liam says, "Would you rather!"

"I'll start," I said, "Would you rather find true love or be dirty rich?"

"True love."

"True love."

"True love."

"Dirty rich!"

"Niall!" Louis says, rolling his eyes, "Everyone knows that's not the right answer." 

"It's not supposed to be right." Niall said, "You asked me where I rather find love or be rich. Well, if I were rich, I could get any—"

"You are repulsive," Liam says, throwing a paper clip at Niall while the rest of us laughed at Niall's very much messed up mind.

"My turn," Zayn announced, "Would you rather be hot with no personality or ugly with an amazing personality?"

I had to think about this. I felt sometimes I was 'hot' without any personality around the school friends and then when I was with Louis and the rest of the guys, I felt like I had both. "I can't choose."

"Well, you have to," Zayn said, "I would choose hot with no personality."

"I think I would too," Niall said and Liam shakes his head,

"I am very concerned for you Niall."

"If I had to choose, I would pick ugly with an amazing personality because if I was with you guys," I turn to Louis, "You'd make me feel beautiful just the way I was."

Louis leans in and lightly pecks me on the lips, "I think I would pick that option too."

"You guys make me want to throw up my lunch," Niall wrinkles his nose, "Remember our first day in detention and you guys barely spoke. That was only a week ago."

"It is weird," Liam said, "How fast things change I mean. Remember when you and Zayn jumped out of the window. I was ready to kill you both."

"We know," Zayn laughed, "But we didn't even end up getting that second week."

"Say, why don't we just go up to one of our rooms?" Niall asks, "Then we could get some dinner and put on a movie or something."

"There is really no reason we have to meet in the library," Liam says thoughtfully.

"That settles it, we can all hang in my place."

"Hey, that's my place too!" I exclaimed as Zayn gets up from his seat.

"Yeah, yeah but is it though? You've spent your last like three nights at Louis's. I get to the place all to myself now."

"You _and_ Liam you mean." Louis snickered and Liam slapped him.

"Wait what?" Niall said loudly, "Guys, _this_ is the stuff you need to send to the group chat!"

"That group chat is a mess." I say, leaning on Louis, "It's basically just a place for you and Lou to argue like two-year-olds and Zayn and Liam to send cringy love texts."

An outburst of defensive comments follow my contradiction, but I can only smile, life is good.

* * *

"Hazz hurry up!" Louis pouts as I brush my teeth that night.

"I'm brushhing my theethh babe, chiww," I mumbled through a mouthful of toothpaste.

"Cuddles!" Louis screams so loudly I was quite sure the people next door must have heard.

"Shhh!"

"Cuddles," Louis insists, grinning and taking a deep breath as if to take it up a notch.

I spit, wipe my mouth, and then dive right on top of the bed before Louis could do any more damage. I was pretty sure our walls weren't soundproof, and I didn't want any curious students knocking on our door later.

"You're so needy, do you know that?" 

"Yes," Louis stretched out his arm and wriggled his fingers. "Indulge me."

I shift so we could stretch out our legs out under the covers and Louis pulled me back into his arms, his knees fitted to the backs of mine perfectly like a puzzle.

"The dance is tomorrow," I mumbled, watching Louis's hand trace shapes on my forearm, sending shivers through my body. "I was thinking about leaving before the party so we can hang out afterward?"

"Are you sure you don't want to go? I don't want to keep you from having fun."

"Oh my god no. I absolutely hate things like that. And what could be more fun than snuggling my boyfriend?"

"Say that again." Louis giggles.

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah. I like the way you say it."

I giggled and twisted around in Louis' arms so I could tuck my face into the crook of Louis's neck. I inhaled deeply and smiled. "W-Will you still get dressed up for me?" I asked shyly. "I don't know if you've decided ongoing, but I would like to see you all fancy."

"Am I not hot enough already?" Louis says, pretending to be offended.

"No, no you are plenty fit." I kiss his nose, "I just, I um..."

"Sure babe," Louis starts laughing as my momentarily fluster, "I might go and hang with Niall for a bit. That reminds me, have you noticed that Ava and Niall have been hanging out a lot recently?"

"Yeah, I have. They are always talking and exchanging notes."

"Do you think?"

"I'm not sure. Ava's my best friend so I hope she would come to me if they were but..."

"I guess when they feel like telling us they will." Louis squeezed me tight with his arm around my shoulders, wriggling around until my thigh fell between his spread legs. 

* * *

**Ava** : 

Broom

Dustpan

String Lights

String

Candles

Speaker

Other lights

Caution tape

Make sure you messaged Zayn and Liam!!! We only have a couple more hours before we can get this up so hurry your Irish ass over here and help me!

 **Niall** :

Yes, boss!

Broom- check

Dustpan- check

Fairy lights- check

String- check

Candles- check and I found a lighter

Speaker- check

Other lights- getting them right now.

Caution tape- check

Messaged Liam and Zayn, they are in! Harry and Louis are probably doing the nasty rn so no need to worry abt them walking in. 

**Ava:** That was TMI but thanks. Meet you at the spot in 15 mins.

 **Niall** : Should I get Zayn and Liam...who are also probably doing the nasty as well...to help us?

 **Ava** : PLS stop Niall I really don't want to think about that. Yes, see if they are available to help. It's for them too.

 **Niall** : Right away boss! On my way.


	12. Forelsket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> forelsket  
> /fo-rels-ket/  
> noun  
> A Euphoric feeling experienced when you start falling in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading and giving kudos! <33 Please comment if you can, I love getting feedback :))  
> All the love, -M

**_"Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough."_ **

**_~ George Edward Moore_ **

"Harry wake up!" Louis pushed my shoulder, "Harry? Hazza?"

"Too early," I whined, rolling over and hiding my face under my pillow. It's freezing out and I wine louder when Louis tries to pull me up.

"Haz, we don't have class today. It's the day of the winter formal!"

"Exactly, so snuggle with me," I pouted, trying to pull him back into bed. "It's cold!"

"Haz, all the cinnamon rolls will be gone by the time we head down for breakfast." Louis pulled one more time and I slide a few inches out from under the warm duvet.

"You're so tiny." I giggled as I watch him struggle.

"Meanie!" He shrieked and gave up by jumping on top of me and wiggling his fingers against my waist.

"Lou it tickles, stop—stop!" I gasped, trying to catch my breath, but he continued until we are both panting hard, and my cheeks hurt from smiling.

"I could wake up like this every day for the rest of my life and die a happy man." I sighed contentedly rolling over as Louis plants a kiss on my lips.

"Me too, now get up. I really want a cinnamon roll!"

"You are a cinnamon roll," I but do what he says and climb out of bed.

"Did you get a suit for the dance?" I asked him as I walk to the bathroom to wash my face before we can head down.

"I did but I'm waiting for tonight so it will be a surprise."

"Fine, then I'm doing the same thing."

"You’re leaving early right?" Louis confirms when I'm done with my face and we trade.

"Yes, and then we can dance and cuddle and eat candy we smuggled up from the party!"

"I can't think of a better way to spend the last day of winter break."

"I forgot that winter break is coming. Are you going home?"

"I wasn't going to," Louis sighs, "I enjoy staying at the school over break. It's so empty and peaceful."

"Lou, why are you really staying?" I could tell that wasn't the real reason just by seeing his shoulder drop at the thought.

"My mom and dad always go on holiday somewhere. They have no time for me," Louis shrugged, "Ruthwood has been more of a home than my real one if I'm being completely honest."

"Lou," I drop my book bag and walk over to engulf him in a hug, "Why did you tell me?"

"It never came up."

"Then I'll stay with you!" I say, hugging him tighter. "I'll call my mom and see if she and Gemma can come to us here, but I'll stay here with you."

"Would you?" Louis beams and then frowns, "Are you sure. I mean you always talk about missing your mom and sister. I don't want to invite myself over but maybe we could both..."

"No, I'll stay with you."

"Do you not want me to meet your family?" Louis sounds confused.

"It's not that. We are poor Lou so my mom can't afford to house a guest even if she wanted to."

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry."

"It's alright, now let's go and get your cinnamon roll!"

The dining hall is swarming with students all high on energy because of tonight's event. The teachers run from here to there trying to contain everyone while they set up the ballroom with decorations and such.

The ballroom is one of the most exquisite and ravishing rooms at Ruthwood with polished wooden floors and high arched ceilings. Over the week I’ve peeked my head through the doors and saw the teachers have decorated with many fake icicles, snow, and glitter to give the effects of a winter wonderland. I'm surprised that it hasn't snowed yet this year. It's been chilly but not altogether the white Christmas our school usually gets.

My heart deflates a bit, but I let go of Louis's hand when we enter the dining hall. He looks over at me getting the message and we make our way, a couple feet apart, to the food tables.

"Garden?" I whisper to Louis and smile to see he's proudly balanced two and a half cinnamon rolls onto his plate.

"Sure." And we start to head for the back door, still five feet apart when Niall comes through looking like he's just walked through a tornado.

"Hi Niall, what happened?" Louis laughed, brushing a leave from his blonde hair.

"Oh, nothing...morning run."

"But you never go for morning runs," I frown, "Don't lie to us."

"It's not important. Where are you guys off to?"

"Rose garden for breakfast." Louis says, "Want to join us—"

"No! Don't go in there it's uh, a mess because some idiots decided to wreck the place with toilet paper last night."

"That reason doesn't sound too valid," I say, trying to push past him but he pushes me back so I stumble clumsily into Louis's back.

"No, please. Don't go there. You'll regret it."

"How so?" Louis asks.

"Also,” I add, “Why are we taking advice from a liar? Morning runs my ass."

"You guys can eat up in your rooms, eat in my room just don't go to the garden."

I really want to just shove past him, but he looks desperate so I turn, "My room then?" I sighed and Louis shrugs,

"I guess so."

I try to glance out the window to see what the hell happened to our garden, but the window didn't stretch that far. This was one of the reasons we loved the garden, you couldn't see it from almost anywhere in the school.

"I wonder why he's being so… secretive," Louis muttered as we trudge up the stairs.

"I don't know but Ava's being the same way and I don't like it."

"Do you think…?"

"I already told you, I don't know."

"Sorry I thought I would ask again. Cinnamon roll?" He asked cutely and I open my mouth as he places the gooey sweet on my tongue. The glazed sugar melts in my mouth and I smile, "Yes, this was worth waking up early for."

"I know right? Cinnamon rolls are the best. People always forget about them when listing breakfast foods."

"I will remember from now on the cinnamon rolls," I say seriously when we've reached my room.

"Good!" Louis says happily as he opens my door.

"Get out!" Someone yells at us and Zayn is standing shirtless with Liam.

"Oh my god!" Louis squeaked and slams the door shut. His eyes as wide as saucer she turns to me with a sly grin on his thin lips, "We got em."

"Let's go." I laugh, shoving him down the hall to his room.

"Why don't we listen from the door?" Louis suggests immaturely, "I bet they are both freaking out right now."

"Creepy much?" I cringe and open the door to his room, "Leave them be, you wouldn't like them listening at our door, would you?"

"So responsible," Louis sighed, shaking his head. I sit down on the little couch in the room and dig into my honey apple oatmeal. It's warm and sweet and I lick my lips.

"Don't do that," Louis says, nibbling on a biscuit. "You're teasing me."

"What?" I ask innocently licking my lips again, slow, and mockingly to collect the access honey that was on my lower lip. Louis squirms in his seat.

"How dare you do this to me so early in the morning!"

"Come here a kiss me then you fool," I say, and Louis discards his biscuit on the tray before straddling my lap and licking up the rest of the honey that's still on my chin.

"You taste like cinnamon." I giggle into his mouth that was now on mine and he tightens his grip on my waist,

"And you taste like honey."

* * *

After a slow morning of homework in Louis's room and a lot of kissing that kept me from learning the material I needed to be focusing on for math, I left his place so we could both eat lunch and then change.

"Will you bring me lunch?" Louis asked his head in his science textbook, "I just need to finish writing all these definitions."

"Sure, I'll be up back in a couple of minutes." The halls are lightly filled with jitter students, getting lunch, gossiping in small clusters, or rushing nervously around for last minute items.

I wondered what Ava was doing at the moment. If we hadn't 'broken up' we would be getting ready together and probably laughing at Zayn's playful taunts at the ridiculousness of our relationship. But I didn't know where she was, Zayn with Liam probably and Niall had simply disappeared off the face of the Earth since that morning when he forbade me to go to the rose garden with Louis.

I grabbed two cardboard cartons of soup and smaller containers of salad and rolls before starting back upstairs.

"Keeping a dog in your room or something?" A girls' voice giggles at me and my armload of food.

"Nope, just a hungry roommate," I said before I turned to see Kelly, her hair in pin curlers and an apple in her hand.

"Zayn is really so lazy he needs you to bring his food up to him?" She scoffs, "Why are you still friends with that guy?"

"What do you mean why am I friends with him?"

"Well, didn't he cheat on you with Ava? Isn't that why you guys broke up?"

"Cheat? Zayn? What?" All of this is so confusing. What was she even talking about?

"Oh, I thought I heard you and Ava broke up because she was cheating on you. She's been hanging with that theater geek, Niall for days now and then Darcy told me he saw Ava and Zayn sneaking around the grounds last night."

This didn't make any sense, Zayn and Liam had fallen asleep on one another last night when we all decided to go up to my room to watch a movie. Niall had left shortly after Louis and I did, and I hadn't seen Ava since that morning.

"I don't think I know what you are talking about," I say. "What do you mean Darcy saw Zayn and Ava last night? I watched Zayn go to sleep with—" I catch myself just in time, "I watched Zayn go to sleep last night."

"That might be but Darcy for sure saw Ava and Zayn running around the grounds last night with like…lanterns and caution tape. Maybe they've started a cult or something."

"And what was Darcy doing up at such an hour?"

"Um, coming to my room." She says a bit sheepishly. I get the memo and don't go into that any further.

"Huh?" I didn't really like Kelly to begin with but now she was just annoying the shit out of me. Who did she think she was investing herself in my friends’ personal life? "No, I doubt it's a cult I—" Why was I even still talking with her? "I'll see you around," I muttered before turning to leave.

"Harry!" She called, "I didn't mean anything by it. I was just telling you what Darcy and I saw."

"Bye Kelly," I said now down the hall.

What was all that about? I knew Ava and Niall had grown considerably close all of the sudden but where did Zayn play into all of this?

"Here's your lunch babe," I said, setting the food on Louis's coffee table and ruffling his hair. "I just had an odd run-in with Kelly."

"Ew that bitch?" Louis wrinkles his nose, "She's always complaining during lab class, 'Ms. Edwards, Ms. Edwards? I don't want to get my manicure dirty so can I have gloves?'" He mocks in a high-pitched voice.

"Sounds about right," I laugh at his imitation, "She told me she saw Ava and Zayn running around the school grounds last night with caution tape and lanterns."

The face Louis gave me next was comical, "Um, that's a bit strange."

"Isn't it? I mean we saw Zayn go to sleep with Liam, why would he get up again to run around with Ava?"

"I wasn't referring to that, I was referring to the caution tape and lanterns."

"Maybe they were cleaning a tool shed out or something?"

"In the middle of the night?" Louis raises his eyebrows.

"I don't know. I guess I'll ask later when we all are at the dance. Speaking of which." I look down at my watch. “We have two hours, so we better get ready."

"I'll see you later." Louis pulls me in for a kiss and then I leave.

I stared into the mirror at my suit. I had on one of my crisp cream collared shirts and had left the first three or so buttons open to expose a bit of my chest. My dark, lightly striped trousers hung perfectly around my thin waist with a black leather and gold belt my mom had given to me on my sixteenth birthday. The charcoal blazer was nice on my shoulders and I left it unbuttoned and my sleeves rolled up so I could fix my hair.

I had discarded the tie for tonight since it matched Ava's dress and we aren't 'going together' anymore I had to do without it.

I walked to the bathroom and ran my fingers through my curls and frowned. What the heck _could_ I do with these? Brushing them out would make them fizzy and keeping them messy looked like I just rolled out of bed. When was Zayn when I needed him? He always did my hair for things like this, knowing exactly how to brush them aside effortlessly as to display my face without making it look tacky. I sent him a text in a cry for help.

He responded back with an "I'm on my way." And three running man emojis. He was probably on the other side of the dormitories with Liam. In the meantime, I put on my shoes. Dark chunky dress shoes much like the ones Louis wears all the time. They had come with the uniform and were the only pair of shoes I felt comfortable in. In fact, being out of uniform felt weird sometimes. I had grown used to, not to mention quite fond of our white shirt, grey sweater or blazer and tie. Wearing normal clothes felt too 'here I am' when I rather just blend into the crowd of black and white.

I shake my head; I had been spending too much time with Louis. When he was writing, he would often voice through his thoughts making it so I could hear just how beautiful he could his thoughts and emotions through words. Sometimes he read his writing to me before we went to sleep, and it was absolute bliss.

Just last night I had my head in his lap as he ran one hand through my hair and the other holding up with a small leather notebook, reading one of his poems. I liked them a lot because a majority of them were about me.

I walked to my nightstand and pulled out a piece of line paper he had slipped into my book bag one day during a class. I hadn't noticed it until I had started my homework that night and it had been the most pleasant surprise. Unfolding it note, I look down at Louis's dainty handwriting and read;

_"Stare at the stars and look out for mars and just think, 'what do you need from me?'_

_Remind myself to breathe in and out, the years will go fast so let's just go slow right now,_

_Because in a blink of an eye, we will wish we had tried to believe when we were young and free."_

I knew I would keep that poem until the day I die, it felt so personal. Like he told me that one morning, 'Having someone read my journal would be like exposing my soul to you.' and it certainly did. Through his little poems and song lyrics, he could express feelings and thoughts he didn't work up the courage to say.

"What's up, mate?" Zayn's voice broke me out of my daydream, and I turned to see Zayn in his own suit and his hair styled in a perfect quiff with a single strand of hair left out of place. How quirky.

"I need help with this bush on my head," I joke pointing to the wild mess of curls, and frowned, "I still can't do it myself."

"Sure mate." Zayn agreed and leading me to the bathroom, got right to work.

Within a few minutes, my hair was already starting to look more tamed. He slicked the strands damp with water and rubbed a tiny squirt of gel through them before finger-combing them back, so my hair parted lazily down the middle in waves. "You should consider hairdressing as a future career." I admired his work in the mirror.

"Maybe..." He mused, putting the final touches on and stepping back, satisfied at his work.

"Are you ready to go down?" I ask him, standing up and heading towards the door.

"Yeah— Oh my god." Zayn sputtered before looking frantically for his phone.

"Front pocket."

"Oh right." He takes it out and fires off a text.

"Liam?" I guess and Zayn looks up,

"What no— I mean yeah. Just telling him to wait for us."

"What will Darcy and the other lads think when you bring him along with us?" I ask wearily.

"Don't worry your curly head about it." Zayn smirks, "Come with me."

We enter the grand ballroom after dodging the swarm of students filing in and I stop and gasp.

It looked exquisite with all the white wonderland decorations and glittering icicles that hung from the ceiling. Light classical music danced in the air as students flowed in a sea of ball gowns and suits. Everyone looked their absolute best. This was one of the biggest events at Ruthwood, so everyone took advantage of the opportunity to show themselves off. Mostly the girls if I'm being honest.

Couples were already starting to dance, and a hollow feeling started creeping into my chest. They all looked so happy, waltzing around one another without a care in the world. What I would give to be dancing around with them with Louis in my arms. Having his small hands around my waist and his hand in mine. I scan the crowded room, looking for my boyfriend's feathery brown head but I couldn't see one. I looked for Ava's silver dress which I still had not seen yet but couldn't find her either. Darcy and the other lads were clustered around the refreshments table along with some girls with strappy dresses, stiff hair, and pink cheeks.

"Where is everyone?" I start to ask.

"Here," Zayn hands me a winter coat that I hadn't seen him grab from our room. It didn't look like any of the coats we owned anyway. It was warm from all the bodies in the ballroom, so I pushed his hand back, "I don't think I need that."

"Trust me you will." He gives it to me, and I accept, looking at it closely.

"I don't even think this is mine," I say, confused but then stop. The coat. It smelled familiar. Louis's scent. I brought it up to my nose, "Why does this smell like Louis? Did you murder him or something?"

"No," Zayn laughs, "Come with me."

Zayn takes my hand and walking across the crowded dance floor, slips out the back door and into the darkness outside. All of a sudden, my eyes are engulfed by blackness as Zayn puts a blindfold over my head. "What the fuck?" I splutter. "Why did you do that for?" Now I was genuinely concerned.

"Don't talk, just walk," Zayn commanded and I do what he says.

"Where the hell are you taking me?" I hiss as Zayn keeps walking. I can't tell where we are now, I can't see worth a darn and I'm too confused to follow the path. 

"Shut up, will you?" Zayn groaned, tugging me along. We walk in silence for a bit longer, me tripping over Zayn's feet every now and again.

Suddenly he stops and crouches down, "Duck," He instructs and I do, realizing by the soft plastic feeling we are passing under caution tape.

 _"...But Darcy for sure saw Ava and Zayn running around the grounds last night with like...lanterns and caution tape..."_ I remember Kelly telling me earlier today.

"Zayn are _you_ gonna murder _me_ or something?"

"Harry, I swear to god no wonder you don't watch horror movies with me and Ava. You're a complete wimp."

"But I can't see!" I complained, "And cold."

"Then put on the coat I gave you."

"But it smells like Lou and then I miss him."

"Harry!" Zayn tugs me along for a bit longer, every now and then shushing me as I whine and poke at him, trying to get him to tell me where we are going.

Zayn suddenly stops, opened a gate, and then takes off my blindfold.

My mouth drops open.

We stand in the rose garden. The very same one Louis and I had reconnected all those weeks ago except now in the darkness it's lit up with strings of fairy lights illuminating the entire area in a soft golden glow. Rustic lanterns on the steps of the ancient stone pavilion that sits in the middle of the garden create more light and soft melodic music flows softly out of a back speaker on one of the nearby benches.

I feel like I just stepped through the pages of a fairytale. The rose's fragrance hangs in the cold air and smells sweet and dewy and the ivy snaking around the columns of the pavilion draws my eyes up to the people who stand in the structure.

Niall is there, his blonde hair slicked back and the tight black suit hugging his broad shoulders. In his hand is a sandwich which he happily chews as he watched my reaction.

Liam stands next to him and in contrast to Niall's tight suit his looks two sizes too big for him, but it somehow works on his figure and his tie I notice, matches Zayn's crimson one.

Ashley stands off to the side, sparkling in the magnificent silver gown I picked out for her months ago. It looks absolutely stunning on her and she smiles brightly until she notices that Niall is eating. Frowning, she takes his half-eaten sandwich from his hand and throws it into a nearby rose bush.

And there in the middle of the pavilion is Louis. My Louis, in the most handsome dark blue suit that set off his light blue eyes like diamonds in the darkness. As if in a trance I slowly walk up to him and he smiles, handing me a single red rose.

I can’t move, I can’t breathe.

"It would be less awkward if you took the flower." Louis hints and I shake out of my trance.

"I—I," I sputter and that the rose. "W-What is this?"

"It was my idea!" Bursts Ava and Niall frowns,

"Yeah, but I did all the setting up."

"Liar," Zayn spits, "I woke up after I had gone to sleep last night with Liam and help your guys stupid butts who couldn't figure out how to turn on these lights."

"Guys, can we just explain to Harry?" Liam rolls his eyes, "Sorry about this." He gestures to Ava, Niall, and Zayn.

"Ok, so I know how sad you were about the whole dance thing and not being able to go with Louis so...I texted Niall to help me put together a little dance of our own. Here you guys can just...have your own magical night without anyone ruining it—"

I cut her off by throwing my arms around the girl who pretended to date me for the past two years, "Ava, I love you!" I meant it with all my heart. Tears started to form in my eyes as I looked around at the group of them and then at my boyfriend.

"I can't believe it, this is...I don't even have the words!"

"Thank you would be a good start." Niall jokes and I throw my arms around the Irish lad, "Thank you!"

I hug Zayn and Liam before finding Louis, "Did you know about this?"

He shook his head, "No, Niall did what Zayn did to you just thirty minutes ago. I was all dressed and ready to go down when he basically mugged me and brought me here."

"I love it!" Tears still in my eyes as I looked around at the group of people who accepted me. Never did I think this day would come. I guess sometimes dreams do come true.

"May I have this dance?" Louis murmured, extending his lean hand to mine. I bit my lip and shyly take it as he leads me to the middle of the pavilion. The light music gets a bit louder and Zayn adjusts the volume and pretty soon Louis and I are swaying under the string of fairy light, surrounded by the dark shades of mauve and champagne-colored roses.

"Sorry!" I laugh stepping on Louis's shoes for the fifth time, but Louis only brought me closer.

"It's no problem love."

We waltz around Zayn and Liam who have started dancing too. Niall and Ava stand awkwardly to the side until Niall finally shrugs his shoulders and offers her a hand.

"I'm really happy right now." I hum to Louis, pressing my cheek to his head and breathing in.

Musk and vanilla. Hopes and dreams. Childhood and now.

"Sniffing me again?" He scolds and I duck my head bashfully.

"I can’t help it." I groan.

A faster song comes on and we break apart to jump to the beat. One of the reasons I love this garden is that it can't be seen from almost anywhere in the building. We jump and sing to the songs until the sun has gone completely down and all of our cheeks and noses are a bright red from the cold.

"Told you, you would need the jacket," Zayn smirked as I put it on.

"It's so small on you." Niall laughs and Louis huffs,

"I will not stand here and have you all talk about me like I'm a three-foot dwarf!"

"Awww, you would be so cute as a dwarf!" I giggled, "I think you would be Dopey because you're so cute."

"No!" Louis says, flailing around as I go in to pinch his cold cheeks.

"Are you guys ready to head back up then?" Ava asked, pulling on a coat for herself.

"I think so, thank you all again so much! It-it means so much to me I can't even begin to explain."

"The only thing you need to explain is why you were M.I.A during the dance tomorrow." Zayn sighs, "As do Ava and me."

"I have no friends." Liam says happily, "And so I have nothing to do."

"Hey, that's not true," I interject, "You've got us!"

* * *

"What are you writing?" I nudge Louis's thigh with my foot. All of us had departed from the garden about an hour ago and now Louis and I were lying in his bed, me scrolling through my phone while Louis scribbled away in his notebook.

"Just getting some things down from tonight." He responded absentmindedly.

"Show me?" I plead, getting out from under the duvet and sidling up next to him trying to look over his shoulder.

"When I'm done."

"When will you be done?" I poke at his middle causing him to curl in at the touch.

"Harry!" He giggled as I do it again.

"What? You never told me you were ticklish too!" I squeal and dive on top of him, tickling at his neck.

"And for good reason." He muttered through laughs and we roll over on the bed.

I stare up at his robin blue eyes and take his sweatshirt material by his waist in my hand, fidgeting with it fondly. With his body on mine, I was sure he could feel my heartbeat. It was pounding loudly within my chest along with all the words I wanted to say. Only three words actually but I wasn't sure if I should say them.

Was it too early?

Would he freak out?

I was fairly sure I loved him, even back when we were children, I just knew. But now I was positive. I love this boy. He made me want to be me. In all his lovely childish and adorable energy, he could make me laugh when I was down. He cared about me, and I him, but now I just had to say the words. The words to tell him how I felt.

"Lou...?" I breathe, my palms started to feel clammy and my face hot. I wanted to do this, even if he didn't feel it yet.

"Hazz...?" Louis replied, looking at me with so much intensity I almost chicken out.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

Louis bites his lip and continued to stare into my soul. He leans closer to my face so I can feel his shallow breathing on my skin, "Think?" He murmurs.

"Know. I _know_ I'm falling in love with you."

"I'm one step ahead of you Hazza," He leans in and kisses my lips, "I fell in love with you years ago."

That sparked the fire in me. I unclamped my hands from the sheets and grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him towards me and wrapping my leg around his as Louis responded by taking my mouth with his and kissing it so passionately, I thought I was going to burst into pieces. The butterflies in my middle were threatening to overtake me as we rolled over on the bed, mouths moving fast and hands in each other's hair.

"Off," I mutter desperately, and Louis quickly slips his sweatshirt over his head and I undo my jacket, his jacket, throwing it somewhere in the room.

Our breathing was getting heavy now as Louis frantically started unbuttoning my white shirt and I slipped his t-shirt over his head. I gaped at his tanned bare chest, running my hands all over his warm skin as he moaned and twisted under my touch.

"Hazz, Hazz..." Louis murmured and I bend down and start to suck softy at his exposed skin. He tastes amazing and just to tease him I run my tongue along his collarbone. He lets out a lovely little moan, so I do it again.

"Fuck Harry," Louis is withering under me and we haven't even taken off our trousers, "Where did you learn this."

"Some people are just born with it darling." I smile cheekily before bending down again this time marching a line of kisses down his chest and sucking at his tummy. I go farther down until I've reached the waistband of his trousers.

"Harry?" Louis's small voice squeaks as I trace the line of his belt with my finger.

"Yeah?" I stop immediately and wait for him to answer and confirm that I can go any farther.

"Let's not do it tonight," He says, and I sit up so I can see his face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry but, I'm not ready."

"Lou," I kiss him firmly on his cheek, "That's fine. I'm sorry for getting caught up in the moment. We can wait."

Louis bites his lip and covers his face with his hands, "I fucked this up, didn't I?" He sounded ready to cry, and that hurt my heart.

"No! Not at all. You're fine, darling." I climb off of his lap and bring him to my chest. "We'll do it when you're ready, not a moment earlier."

"I—I want to Haz, there is nobody else I would want to do it with. It just..." He didn't finish and I didn't make him.

"Hey, 'so right darling. I love you."

"Still? Even after I totally ruined your evening?"

"Stop!" I insist, "The only thing that could ruin me is if you left."

"I'm not going anywhere." Louis wiped at his eyes and snuggled closer into me and I hold him tight.

"I'm sorry again." His small voice apologizes.

"If you say sorry one more time," I threaten, picking up a pillow, "I'm going to stick this pillow—"

"Alright, alright!" Louis squealed and jumped away from me, grabbing a pillow of his own.

I can tell you that the rest of the night was innocently filled with laughter, pillow fights, and cuddles. I wasn’t offended that Louis wasn't ready…I just wish I knew why. 


	13. Twitterpated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> twit·ter·pat·ed  
> /ˈtwidərˌpādəd/  
> adjective  
> Smitten or love-struck; romantically infatuated.

**_"The madness of love is the greatest of heaven's blessings."_ **

**_~ Plato_ **

The day after the dance was as expected, full of hung-over students, tired teachers, and the halls were full of staff workers who were to clean up after last night's events. Louis and I were not hungover like the rest of the school and lay in bed for hours relishing the fact we didn't have to head off to class and could spend a lazy morning just with one another. 

"You look so peaceful when you sleep," Louis murmured as I open my eyes and wince at the brightness.

"It was a good dream."

"What was the dream?" He scoots closer to me and rests his head on my chest. I start twirling my finger around a lock of his soft feathery hair and smile.

"I was in an art museum, looking at all the great works of Degas and DaVinci when I came across the most beautiful painting of a boy."

"Ah, and what did this boy look like?"

"He was petite with fine chestnut hair that swooped just above his robin egg blue eyes. He had a cute button nose and thin pink lips," I trace Louis's lips with my fingertips as I described the boy, "And he wore a fitting black suit with an elegant blue handkerchief in his front right pocket."

"He sounds rather attractive." Louis marveled and looked at me with knowing eyes, "Tell me more."

"So then I walked up to the painting and I said, 'What is such a handsome lad like yourself doing in a painting? I must meet you.' The boy in the painting twitched and then he bowed to me—"

"Why didn't you bow to him? He is the nobleman, you should bow to him."

"Ok, fine but that's not what happened in my dream. I _bowed_ to the boy in the painting, and he bowed back...better?"

"Yes."

"Alright, so then like I said to him, 'I must meet you,' and the boy said that he was not just a painting, but he had been trapped within the canvas ever since an evil spell was cast upon the finest of the land."

Louis smiles, "Ah, you flatter me."

"I never said the boy in the painting was you."

"Hey!"

"Do you want me to continue or are you going to continue to interrupt me?"

"Proceed." 

"Then I gasped and said, 'What a horrible fate for such a lovely person to endure.' and the boy said back that the only way for the spell to break is if he found true love." I shifted under Louis and continued.

"So I said, 'Then I will show you love. I will sit here for 50 days in front of your painting and make you fall in love with me so that one day you will be free.' The boy liked this very much, so I sat down in front of the frame and began to talk. I talked about all sorts of things, about my family and my life and somethings asked the boy in the painting about his life before he got put under the spell."

"Did you go back for all 50 days?" Louis asked as I stopped to take a breath.

"Of course. I went faithful every day to visit the boy in the painting for all 50 days. I even spent the night a couple of times to watch over him. The boy in the painting and I grew very fond of one another and I was sure that he was falling for me like I was for him. On day 51 however, I walked up the steps of the museum to see how my precious boy was doing and he was gone."

"Gone?"

"Yes, the canvas was empty. Completely swiped clean and the boy was nowhere to be found."

"Where do you think the boy went?"

"I don't know. I woke up."

"Oh," Louis said in dismay that my story had no complete ending. I had wondered where the boy had gone as well.

"Maybe he fell in love, so he became free from the spell? Maybe he left to go find me?"

"I think that's exactly what he did." Louis says, "And the next day when you were out getting your morning cup of coffee—"

"Tea. I drink tea."

"Right, when you were out getting your morning cup of tea you bumped right into a dashing young stranger and it was the boy, out looking for you."

"And then what happened?"

"And then we lived happily ever after."

"I like that ending a lot." And was glad Louis had decided to give us a happy ending. Louis didn't know what the dream meant and probably thought I made most of it as I went, like a fairy tale. But I knew what it meant. In my dream, I had poured my heart and soul out to the boy in the painting only for him to one day leave me.

A part of me couldn't help but think that one day Louis would do the same. He would realize I would never have enough courage to come out, we would graduate and then go our separate ways.

"Hey," Louis shakes my arm, "Are you ready to get breakfast?"

"Yeah," I whispered, but now my throat was dry, and it felt hard to stand. 

What if I wasn't fast enough?

* * *

The empty halls were very and cold as most of the students were leaving for holiday. I was staying at the academy with Louis of course. I wasn't sure about Niall and Liam, but I knew Zayn would stay here as well. 

"Oatmeal?" Louis takes an extra bowl from the buffet and I nudge his shoulder fondly to say thank you. We could be all touchy since we were the only ones in the dining hall. The atmosphere felt desolate and eerie compared to the usual warmness and chatter that filled the great room in the mornings.

"Do you want to go for a walk this after we eat?" Louis asks as we sit down at an empty cluster of sofas.

"Not outside, it's too cold."

"Ok, we can just walk around the school."

"And what else?"

"And write on the bathroom stalls?"

"And what else?" I wiggle my eyebrows at him and he's about to continue speaking when footsteps near the entrance could be heard and I turned and much to my dismay in walked Kelly. She looked dreadful. Her hair was messy, her bathrobe was rumbled and there were dark bags under her usually beady eyes.

"'Morning, Harry how—" She stops when she sees Louis, "What are you doing eating with _him?_ "

"I'm..." I can't think of any excuses right now. I turn to Louis who bites his lip in frustration that I can't just say the truth.

"He just needed help with homework," Louis said quickly.

Kelly frowns, "It's winter break."

Shit.

"Extra credit stuff."

"There is no such thing."

"Um..."

"We're friends Kel," I say before Louis can screw this up anymore. 

"You are?"

"Um, yeah. Go back since primary school."

I just want her to leave.

"How come I never see you guys together?"

"Don't like the crowd he hangs out with," Louis says shortly. Then realizing that meant her, he quickly backtracked, "Not that you’re bad I-I'm just more of a..."

"Loner. He's just more of a loner sorta lad." I pat him fondly on the head.

"Um, ok. Well, I guess I'll see you guys around." And she walks off to get her breakfast casting a confused and suspicious stare our way. 

"Have you ever just thought about—"

"No."

"Ok."

* * *

The snow had finally come leaving the academy ground in a soft blanket of white. It looked like snowy haven and Louis and I spend many days outside in the snow playing like children and exploring the woods beyond. It was just us and a handful of other students who stayed over winter break which gave the whole area a quiet and peaceful feeling. 

Zayn and Liam had also stayed but to be honest, Louis and I didn't see much of them either. Sure we had met up a couple of times to drink hot chocolate and binge-watch horrible holiday movies, but I guess, like Louis and me, they were enjoying the peace and quiet as well.

Right now I slumped in on our dorm room couch reading while Louis's head rested in my lap, listening to music through his earbuds and drumming lightly on my arm that lay across his chest. I could hear the light beats streaming from his earbuds and it gave me a nice background noise to read to. 

Suddenly my phone gave out a loud trill and I jumped which sent an unexpecting Louis off of my lap and onto the floor.

"Wanker." He mutters good naturally as he picked himself off the floor to fetch my phone which lay on the nearby stool.

"Thanks," I looked down at the screen which said, Mom. "Hello?"

"Hey honey, how are you?"

"Good, just hanging around. Missed you on Christmas."

"I miss you! Gem didn't even fly out because there was a snowstorm."

"I'm sorry."

"No, I know staying with Louis was important to you so I'm glad you did. Are you guys getting on well?"

"Yes! It’s been splendid. We have had the whole school mostly to ourselves plus it started snowing!"

"Sounds good, I'm hoping to drop by tomorrow to see you is that all right?" 

"That sounds good mom, I'll let Lou know."

"Let me know what?" Louis's little voice asked as he pawed at my cheek like a cat.

"Stop it," I try to dodge his hand and focus on what she was saying.

"And I'll make sure to send Gem up to your school if she can't make it before then."

"Alright mom, I have a very needy boyfriend who is whining for my utmost attention, so I'll see you tomorrow," I said, squirming under Louis's hands who had changed course, and now were trying to tickle my waist.

"Love you."

"Bye, mom!" I say and then let out a squeal as Louis finds the sweet spot in my middle making me laugh out loud.

"Louis Tomlinson I was on the phone!" I screeched, picking his small frame up and hoisting him over my shoulder.

"Ahhh Harry no!" Louis squirm to get free. He spanks me on my bum, and I yelp unexpectedly as I dump him on the bed and pounce on top of him, tickling his neck. "Did your mom ever tell you that distracting someone who’s on the phone is quite rude?"

"No, she didn't. In fact, she never taught me anything at all."

"What?" I stop. Louis had never really gone into his family and the only thing I really knew is that they weren't close. 

Louis, realizing what he had just said and the conversation that was to follow, lightly pushed me off of his chest and turned so he could rest his head on my lap. "You know the reason I stay at school over winter break? My parents are out on holiday."

"Yeah." I'm going to try not to say much.

"They've never had much time for me, which is why I am at boarding school. They aren't bad people but were just busy with other things and their gay son wasn't one of them."

I run my fingers through Louis's soft hair fondly wondering how anyone in the world could neglect him. He was absolutely perfect. "I'm sorry for asking, I didn't mean to pry."

"No, it's alright. I guess it's good to know about each other's families."

"Yeah? Well, Gemma and I fought like cats and dogs when we were younger but when my father left us because a lot closer. She was my best friend for years."

"I'm glad you had _someone_."

"And I'm glad _you_ have someone _now_."

* * *

"Mom!" I cried, running through the snow across the circular driveway of the academy to greet her. She was bundled up in a heavy coat and scarf that made it hard for me to hug her, but I embraced her tightly through all the fabric. "I miss you!"

"Missed you too pumpkin," She said and kissed my head. "So are you going to introduce me?" She laughed at Louis who stands a few paces back, his hands awkwardly in his coat pockets.

"Mom, this is my boyfriend Louis.” And Louis goes to shake her gloved hand.

"Nice to meet you." He says quietly. It was so weird to see Louis all shy and I giggle.

"He's not usually so quiet," I tell her moving aside so we can talk inside.

Louis blushes, "Hazza!"

"ANNE!" Zayn cried, running down the staircase to hug my mom. I had called him that morning to tell him she was coming and so naturally he had to make a dramatic entrance.

"Hi, Zayn." She laughed and embraced him. "My, you grew." She marveled, looking up at him fondly. The last time my mom had seen Zayn was probably when he and Ava came over for a couple weeks during the summer holiday. 

"Yes ma'am."

"So who is this young man?" She asked, surveying Liam who is standing in a similar position to how Louis was a couple of minutes ago.

"This is Liam," Zayn said. "The four of us plus Niall, but he's not here. We met in de—"

"We met in a dissection class." I quickly interjected and Zayn's eyes go wide.

"That’s right. What says new friendships like dissecting frogs." Zayn says, giving my mom an unconvincing thumbs up.

"Awww lovely." She says, but her face clearly says otherwise. "I can't stay long honey, but show me up to your room so I can make you're doing alright?"

In other words, let me have some alone time with my son I think, and giving Louis, Zayn, and Liam an apologetic look, I lead her up the stairs to the dorms. 

"Ah, I see Zayn's kept the room nice and neat for the both of you." She sighs contentedly looking at the impeccably clean space. The beds were both made, the pillows fluffed, and the closets straightened and color organized. Zayn was neat but this was neurotic...must have been Liam. I don't mention to her that I have actually not slept here for the past weeks and just nod, "Yup you know Zayn."

"Honey I have to ask…"

Yup here we go, the real reason she dragged me up here alone.

"How serious are you and Louis?"

"Um," My mind goes through the past weeks, the conversations, the soft touches, the staring, the kissing... "Pretty serious," I say and look at her to catch her reaction.

"Are you happy?"

Was I happy?

"The happiest I've been in a long time."

"And what about Ava?"

"We ‘broke up.’ Um, why are you asking?" She had never had a problem with my sexuality in the past so this whole conversation was puzzling me.

"I know the past few years have been hard on you and what you and Ava created...I don't want it to all come tumbling down on you. It just makes your life a bit harder and I just want what's best for you."

"Being with Louis is best for me," I explain, "I love him."

"Y-You _love_ him?"

"Yeah, I do."

Her face softens and she walks over to me, her arms outstretched, and gives me a warm hug, "Then I'm happy."

Relief floods through me and I hug her back, "I love you; mom and I think you'll really like Lou. He shares your love for words and literature."

"Is he a writer?" She asks and we walk back out of my room to go back with the others.

"More like poet/lyricist," I explained, "He has a beautiful way with words."

"I should like to know more." 

"Stay for a cup of tea with us?" I plead, "There is this beautiful rose garden we could—"

"It's snowing."

"Oh right." I scratched my head, "Inside, by the fire then?"

"I would love to."

My mom leaves that evening with a poetry book from Louis, hugs from everyone, and a content smile on her motherly face. "Come back and visit when you can honey. I miss my babies."

"I will! Spring break, see if I don't!"

"And Louis, thanks for loving my Harry." She gives him a firm squeeze on this shoulder.

"It's an honor, Anne." He nods her off and she drives away down the snow-covered path to the main road. 

"An _honor?_ " I tease cheekily as the two of us head back up to the school.

"Give me a break. It's stressful meeting the parent."

"Will, I ever get to meet your parents?"

"Not if I can help it," He frowns, "Let's not talk about them."

"One day we talk about them?" I ask and Louis kicks a mound of snow.

"Fine."

* * *

"Now?"

"I'm almost done."

I count to ten in my head and ask again, this time nudging Louis's thigh with my toe, "Now?"

"Come on babe, I'm almost done."

Louis had teased me that evening and told me he had a poem to share but it wasn't finished. It had been a couple of days since my mom had visited and since then Louis's nose was always in his little black journal, writing out his little heart and soul. 

I stopped pestering him and instead stared at the prepossessing sight before me. Louis wore an oversized cream knit sweater and his hair hung limp and damp from his nightly shower. The warm glow of the lamp made his tanned skin luminesce and I slowly reach out to touch his cheek as if I couldn't quite believe he was real.

The boy in the painting.

I keep my finger there and start tracing my fingertip down his neck and to his shoulder. Louis doesn't acknowledge my movement, but his lower region does, and I can see his hard on through his loose gray sweatpants.

"Will you stop?" He asked through gritted teeth as I continue to trace his skin. I would never get enough of him.

"Can I read what you wrote?"

"If I let you, will you stop?"

"Yes."

"Fine, here."

Louis tosses me his notebook and rolls over putting his head in a pillow, trying to regain his excited self.

"Thank you." I grin.

"That was so unfair and if I was in a better state I would—"

"You would what?" I snort and nudge him again with my toe. I now settle my gaze on his notebook and begin to read the small poem that's scribbled there titled, "You Made Me Afraid."

_Too many years of being someone I'm not. They optate me to love Guinevere, though I love Lancelot._

_Pressured to fit an unreasonable mold, love her ‘til I grow sick, tired, and old._

_Coerced me to partake in something I'm not, why do you detest me because I love Sir Lancelot?_

That is all. I look up to see Louis biting his fingernails anxiously. "Lou, who's this about?" The entire piece gave me chills but not in the warm giddy way his other poem usually did. This one sounded darker and full of resentment. "You Made Me Afraid," was a very unsettling title.

"My parents."

I swaddle over so I can hold him in my lap, and he continues, "They never were too thrilled with me liking…guys. When I came out to them, they weren't particularly supportive. In fact, they pressured me into getting a girlfriend and said I would ‘grow out of the phase' once I saw how pretty girls could be."

"Lou," I start, but Louis is still talking so I shut my mouth and listen.

"Her name was Briana. She was nice and all, but I wasn't interested and when I told her this was mostly my parents doing, she wasn't supportive either. One night we were at a party, a typical teenage house party, and both of us were cold drunk. She asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to, you know..."

I bit my lip to keep from smiling, I knew it was wrong, but he looked so damn cute when he was uncomfortable.

"I told her I didn't want to, that I wasn't interested but she, she didn't care. She thought that if I just 'did it' I would be fixed or some shit like that. I did and it was the most awful experience I have ever endured." His voice quivered a bit and I held him tight.

"It was consensual, I thought she and my parents were right. If I just forced myself into being the way they wanted I could be 'fixed' but of course, that's not how it works."

I look down at him tenderly, "Is…that why you were afraid to do it with me?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's stupid to be afraid of something like that, especially with you."

"You have _every_ right to be afraid."

I can't believe his parents were so...unaccepting. 

"Thank you for understanding," Louis says and snuggles deeper into my arms.

"Thank you for telling me."

It puzzled me the way he was so confident when I first met him with who he was. I had a supportive family, and I couldn't come out, and here was Louis, forced by his parents to be someone he wasn't, completely out. "How did you do it? Come out when you got to Ruthwood, I mean."

"Scared," Louis admitted, "But it felt like a fresh start, and I didn't want a repeat of Briana. If I was out, I hoped I would steer clear from girls like her."

I laughed lightly, "Well, you certainly succeeded."

"Have you thought about...?" It was an unspeakable topic we didn't touch on. Part of me was scared Louis would get so fed up with my stalling he would leave. 

"Yeah, I've thought about it. It's not something that's just going to happen through Lou, I'm sorry it's taking so long." I hid my face in my hands, ashamed. 

"Stop. I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry."

We stay like that, wrapped in one another, for a long time. We don't even leave to go greet Niall who came back a couple days early to hang out with us. We would see him tomorrow at breakfast. I had thought about coming out but that meant throwing away that 'perfect' status I had worked so hard to create for myself.

"What's the worst that could happen?" I muttered to myself, my eyes getting sleepy. I'm playing with the hem of Louis's shirt and our legs are intertwined under the duvet.

"With the group that you hang out with? Probably you would just get banned from the 'cool' table. They are so shallow."

"Do you think they would bully me?"

"I wouldn't let them. Zayn is done with them. Niall would take his plastic sword from the prop room and fight them off for you." Louis is having too much fun coming up with scenarios, but I still remember grade school and the thought still doesn't settle nicely with me.

"I'm excited to see Niall in his play." I yawn and turn to curl safely into Louis's small chest. "It's the first time I'm actually looking forward to seeing one of the school's productions."

"Me too. Say, let's go down to the town the day before and get him a bouquet! Imagine his face when we hand it to him after." 

Louis sounds so excited, and I liked the idea a lot, "What day is the performance again?"

"I think it's in a couple of weeks. The cast went on holiday like everyone else."

"How do _you_ know so much about the drama program?"

"Remember Niall drug me into helping with songwriting for the spring production? Honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing but the theater is nice to write in."

"I guess in the future I'll be showing more interest in the theater. Have you ever thought of auditioning? I think you would be great!"

"What? Is this another attempt to try and get me into tights?" Louis pinched my waist and I squeal from the contact. 

"Maaaaaybe." 

"Save it Haz, there is no way I'm performing."

"Fine, but you can't stop me from dreaming about it."

And with that, I snuggle a bit closer into his chest and fall asleep dreaming about the knights of the round table and Louis in tights. 


	14. Alexithymia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alexithymia  
> /əˌleksəˈTHīmēə/  
> noun  
> The inability to recognize or describe one's own emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely feedback and comments! <33  
> All the love, -M

**_"The course of true love never did run smooth."_ **

**_~William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream_ **

A hush fell over the buzzing crowd as the lights began to dim and the overture sounded through the large speakers. The whole school had shown up for Ruthwood’s winter production of A Midsummer Night's Dream and Niall was able to perform due to Mr. Harrisons’ cut of the second week of detention. That afternoon Louis and I had gone down to the town to buy him flowers which had turned into a lovely afternoon of lunch and lots of handholding. 

Winter break had made up too comfortable with each other. When students began arriving back from their winter holiday, it was a shock for the both of us because we couldn't go walking down the halls hand in hand anymore and freely move around the castle the way we had for the past weeks. Heartbreaking as it was, going to purchase Niall's bouquet was the first time Louis and I had been alone and awake in days.

I always slept with him in his room and Liam had simply taken my spot as Zayn's roommate. The evenings were nice together and we could get quite a lot of snogging done in the late hours of the night, but now that classes and extracurricular activities had started back up again it was rare if we made it past 11:00. 

_"Haven't been awake long enough to see those pretty eyes of yours's. It seems like forever." I had smiled at Louis when we escaped that afternoon to head downtown._

_"Well, you see them now so take it all in." He teased, having to stand on his tippy toes to reach me as he laid his arm around my shoulder and stared intensely into my eyes._

_So blue._

_"Do you know where we are going?" I asked while we stepped onto the bus that would take us to the small-town plaza._

_"Thelma & Thorns, went there to get my sister's birthday arrangement years ago. Looked nice."_

_"Where are your sisters? Do they...they don't go to Ruthwood do they?"_

_"Sister and no, Lottie lives with my Grandparents in the country. She wouldn't do well in a boarding school and my parents are not around enough to take care of her." A sad smile had found its way onto Louis's thin lips and I lean forward to kiss them, forgetting we were on a public vehicle and only seeing Louis's downcast expression._

_"Mommy PDA alert!" A little girl screeched, and I jump away to see her gawking at us from the seat across from us._

_"I'm so sorry." The young mom apologized, picking up the little girl and settling her on her lap._

_"Why do they do that in public?" She inquired and her mom turns red, as Louis just laughs,_

_"I'm sorry again." She bows her head in embarrassment at her rambunctious daughter._

_"'S alright," Louis assures her good-naturedly as I sit there, my cheeks pink. "Hazza kisses me because he loves me." He explained to the little girl as if it wasn't a big deal._

_"But you're a boy...and he's a boy." She doesn't look disgusted, more interested._

_"Emily, you know that doesn't matter." The mom says holding her baby tight._

_"It doesn't matter?" Emily said thoughtfully to herself, "So I could grow up one day and marry..." She tilts her blond head to think, "Elsa from frozen?"_

_Her mom laughs, "Might have to sell me on that one but yes, marry Elsa and make sure Olaf is invited as well!"_

_These are good people; I think to myself as my Louis and Emily start a serious discussion about the new Frozen movie that is in theaters. When I see our stop, I prod Louis's shoe and he looks up. "That's us," He tells Emily, "Nice to meet you both!" He says happily and we get up to exit._

_"Nice to meet you, Louis!" She shouts, "You can be invited to my wedding too!"_

_"Thank you for entertaining her," The mom laughs, "Have a good afternoon."_

_"And thank you for educating her at such a young age," Louis says sincerely, "The world needs more little ones like her."_

_"I do my best." And with a last little wave to Emily and her mom, we step off the bus._

_"See Haz, it would be alright."_

_And for the first time, I think it just might be._

* * *

"Who is Niall again?" Ava nudged my shoulder from behind. We are sitting in the darkened theater still listening to the overture as Ava shoves the thick glassy program in my face. 

"Lysander?" Louis answers unsurely flipping through the program. "One of the leads."

"I know that." Ava sounds exasperated.

"Did you even read the summary?" I ask, twisting around so I can see her. She and Louis switched places when the lights dimmed, and Zayn sat on my other side. The small group of us had nabbed a cluster of seats in the first balcony a bit away from all the other students.

"I did but I got fucking lost." She countered and I stifle a giggle. Louis and I had been reading the book together at night as to not be confused, like Ava, the night of the performance.

"He plays the love of Hermia, the Duke of Athens's daughter. The problem is that she's supposed to marry the dickhead Demetrius or be disowned by her family and become a nun." I whisper rapidly.

Louis cuts in, "So Hermia and Lysander decide to run away into the woods to elope because they didn't have Vegas back then. They get lost in the woods instead of married and then realize that they are being followed by the helpless romantic Demetrius, the poor bloke—"

Louis doesn't finish because the curtain finally goes up revealing a deep, intense blue backdrop and odd light fixtures hanging from the ceiling. Enters stage right are a bunch of upperclassmen I don't know, all wearing long robes and fake beards. 

The first one stops center stage and starts to speak, "Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour draws on apace. Four happy days bring in another moon. But, O, methinks how slow this old moon wanes! She lingers my desires like to a stepdame or a dowager. Long withering out a young man's revenue."

"Shit," Louis mutters, "I guess this is what we get for reading the watered-down version." I stifle a giggle and look back towards the stage.

"Is that Hippolyta?" I point to the only girl on stage who is now speaking. She is the queen of the Amazons and the one who marries Theseus, the Duke of Athens.

"It's gotta be," Louis whispers back. "This is Act One, right? After the mythological battle between Theseus and the Amazons?"

"Will you two shut up?" Zayn snapped in an undertone, "We get that you two actually know what's going on, but some of us like to be confused in silence."

"Looks like our intelligence and knowledge is unwanted here." I snicker into Louis's ear and then stop short because Niall is finally onstage in calf-length loose trousers, a peasant blouse, and with three other actors all dressed in the same twelfth-century clothes. 

The group of them start discussing Hermia's fate and Niall says, projecting his well-rehearsed lines out into the full audience, "You have her father's love, Demetrius. Let me have Hermia's. Do you marry him?"

"Scornful Lysander, true, he hath my love; And what is mine my love shall render him. And she is mine, and all my right of her I do estate unto Demetrius." Egeus speaks to the so-called Lysander, telling him he is rightfully offering his daughter's hand to Demetrius.

The play goes on and I get so engrossed in the story, the music, and the emotion it's a surprise when the lights fade back in for the intermission. "Hey, babe?" Louis shakes my shoulder and I peel my eyes away from the stage where the heavy wine-colored curtain had fallen. I look down and see Louis's hand on my thigh.

"Want to walk around for a bit, grab some water?"

"How?" I point out, the whole school is here not to mention all the families and teachers. 

"This again?" Louis whined. I see that Zayn and Liam had left to go find refreshments. Zayn is a nonentity without me, and I doubt he would be stopped and questioned if he's seen hanging out with Liam...his boyfriend? Neither had confirmed the relationship label but it looked serious. 

Part of me, ok, more than a part of me, was extremely infuriated with the persona I had created for myself. It just made slipping off the skin so much harder. I envied the way Zayn got out of it easily and the way Louis confidently strolled down the school hallways, perfectly happy that no one knew who he was.

"How about we sneak out during the 'play' scene?" I offer to a pouting Louis. "You know with Nick Bottom?"

"And do what?" 

"Get drinks?"

And what else?"

"Go for a wee?"

"And what else?"

"And snog you senseless is that what you're looking for?" I answer exasperated and Louis nods happily.

"It's a deal."

The next act introduced Puck and the fairies. As the junior, that was chosen to play the malicious fairy danced around the sleeping four I start playing footsies with Louis, lightly nudging his chunky dress shoe with mine. He nudges back and I snuggle into his side.

"Night and silence! Who is here? Weeds of Athens he doth wear. This is he my master said Despisèd the Athenian maid. And here the maiden, sleeping sound the dank and dirty ground." Puck sings and pretends to squeeze the magical mixture into Niall's eyes. "Pretty soul, she durst not lie near this lack-love, this kill-courtesy. —Churl, upon thy eyes I throw all the power this charm doth owe."

"What is he doing with our best mate?" Zayn muttered in my ear as he watched the fairy anointing each of the lover's eyes with the mixture.

"He's making each of them fall for another," I answer but I get distracted as the actors playing Demetrius and Helena enter, running. 

"Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Demetrius," Hermia says, and just as Demetrius is about to reply my attention is pulled away from the play to Louis who is squirming in his seat. 

"Now?" He murmurs into my ear and I frown.

"We still have another couple acts to go Lou."

"Now!" He whined and moved again in his seat, prodding my arm like a child.

"Why? Did Puck's monologue turn you on?" I give a breathy laugh as Louis continued to squirm in his seat.

"No, but watching you engrossed by Shakespeare did and I—please, Harry?" Louis was practically bouncing in his chair now and my eyes widened.

"Shit, let's go."

"Thank you!" And we scurry past Zayn and Liam's legs and up the stairs until we are out of the theater. 

Louis wastes no time, pulling me down the warmly lit carpeted halls to the boy's bathroom before shoving me into a stall, slamming the door shut with his foot, and reaching back with his arm to flick the lock shut.

"Where did you learn that?" I laugh as Louis crashes his lips on mine.

"This cute curly lad. Do you know him?" He answered, not leaving his mouth from mine.

"Might." Louis doesn't let me make any more cheeky replies because he's now toying with the buckle of his belt and pressing me against the side of the stall.

"Lou, are we really going to do this in a shit bathroom stall?" I moan into his mouth, trying to undo the tiny buttons of his dress shirt.

"No, just touch me! Something!" Louis breathes urgently. 

"A-Are you sure?" 

"Yes!" His breathing is heavy now, so I grab his shoulders and flip us so now I have him pressed against up the cold metal wall and start kissing and sucking down his neck, then down farther to his now exposed chest.

"So pretty," I mutter to myself as Louis's chest heaves deep slow breathes. 

"Haz, please!" Louis grabbing fistfuls of my curls, urging me to go faster.

"Patients Lou." I smile slowly kissing my way down his torso, unzipping his trousers, and kissing his thigh as I went. Louis kicked the pants off his ankles, eager for me to continue. I cautiously slipped my fingers under the waistline of his boxers and pulled them down as well, exposing his length. 

"Fuck." Louis swore, pounding his head against the wall, withering helplessly. Then, as if noticing I had stopped, tilted his head down to look at me, my head hovering near his crotch. "You don't have t-to." Louis's voice quivers.

"Stop Lou! Of course, I want to, I just...it's my first time. I don't want to screw this up."

"There is no possible way _you_ could screw this up." He assured me and it's enough for me to muster the courage to tentatively duck my head and lick the tip of his dick. I wasn't sure if that was how you were supposed to begin but a glorious noise came from Louis's mouth, so I figured it was a good start.

The beautiful moan gave me more confidence and I swirled and sucked my tongue, going farther and farther down his throbbing length, bobbling my head, and trying not to gag. Louis was moaning loudly and gripping my curls so tightly I was surprised he doesn't rip them off my head but I didn't care. "Hazza, I-I'm close." He whimpered.

"Come Lou, come for me." I breathed, sucking down harder on him, and increasing my speed. That was all it took, and Louis came with a scream of pleasure, releasing into my mouth and I quickly swallowed it all down, feeling quite proud of the result of my first blowjob.

"Fuck, Haz are you _sure_ you've never done that before?"

"Cross my heart." My breath shakily as I stand back up and press my lips to Louis's forehead that is damp with sweat.

"One day I'll return the favor," Louis said, nuzzling up so his head fits perfectly against my chin and collar bone. 

"Make that one day soon," I murmured, my nose in his feathery hair, his specific scent filling my airway and intoxicating my brain so I couldn't think.

"We should be heading back soon," Louis says gently pulling away from me and unlocking the door. Thankfully, nobody had entered whilst our quickie and we left the restrooms, Louis straightening his shirt out and me, cheeks flushed and hair a mess thanks to Louis's tugging.

"You were so pretty sucking me off," Louis says casually as we walk hand in hand back to the door to the theater, the soundtrack playing lightly through the speakers of the lobby.

"And you were incredibly hot to listen to," I replied, and then catching him off guard, corner him against a nearby table with a stack of spare programs sit and plant a firm kiss on his swollen lips.

Louis pulls me closer and opens his mouth, at this rate we will never make it back to watch the end of Niall's performance. 

"What the fuck?" A voice sounded from the other end of the hallway and I pull away to see, to my utmost horror, Kelly, and Darcy walking down the hall with drinks in their hands and complete shock on their faces. 

"Harry are you and Louis..." Kelly's jaw has dropped to the floor and Darcy is staring wide-eyed at me his face twisted in disgust or surprise I can't tell.

I turn to look at Louis expecting him to just out me right then and there but realize he's not going to. Of course, he's not going to out me, he's my Louis which means I am going to have to answer.

"Umm," My face feels hot, my head dizzy and I grip onto the table I had been kissing Louis against just seconds ago to stable myself from collapsing right there.

"Are you gay?" Darcy asked and I can't answer. I wring my hands together and will my tongue-tied self to just answer the question.

"I-I'm...with, I'm with..." My head starts to cloud and all I can see are the laughing faces of the mean kids from grade school. Their jeering faces, their loud mouths calling me nasty names, and then the feeling of tears threatening to appear on my disheveled face. All of a sudden, I'm back in the lunchroom, overhearing the boy's plan to hurt me and so I do exactly what I did then. 

_Run._

Running is easy. Running is freeing. Running makes me forget I have any problems and that I have left three stunned faces behind me. I hear Louis call out for me, but I don't look back. Pumping my arms and stretching my legs I sprint down the slippery carpeted steps and out, out into the darkness to who knows where. All I know is that I need out.

The cold January air makes stings my lungs as I gasp for breath, still running. My face feels numb, my emotions are haywire, but I feel alive. I keep running until I've found myself in the field that is used for footie and other sports I don't participate in. I collapse on the cold earth and try to catch my breath. The stars shine brightly over me and seem to laugh in my face, 'Harry's such a chicken.' I try to not look at them anymore and instead focus on the moon, illuminated by the dark looking calm and cool against the inky sky.

"Fuck!" I scream into the emptiness. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!"

I pound my fists into the cold dirt under me and scream some more to no one in particular. I just want all of this to go away. By now Louis has probably spilled all of my secrets and is relishing in the fact that I'm finally out. If that's really what he's done I could never forgive him. He promised not to push me but even as I think about it, I start to sob because tonight was my fault. If I hadn't got caught up in the moment and kept my lips to myself none of this would have happened. 

I didn't want to think about the drama that was to follow when I see Kelly and Darcy the next day. No doubt they would pass on whatever assumptions they had made about me, about us, and it would travel like wildfire around the school in minutes. Harry Styles, Mr. Cool himself is gay and dating a nobody. I can already hear it.

"Fuck!" I shout again but this time I get a response,

"I agree, fuck!"

I jump and sit up to see Louis's small figure walking towards the field, his hands in his pockets and his hair blowing in the chilly breeze. "How did you find me?" I ask as Louis sits down next to me on the ground and lies down.

"Well, I could practically hear you from a mile away...along with the rest of the student body so..."

"I was that loud?" I moaned, covering my face with my hands.

"Quite impressive if you ask me," Louis chuckles, "Maybe you have a future as an opera singer."

We are quiet for a long while, both of us ignoring the elephant in the room. Finally, I just suck in a deep breath, close my eyes, and blurt out, "What did you say?"

"To Kelly and Damian?"

"Darcy."

"Or yeah, Darcy. I didn't say anything."

"What do you mean you didn't say anything? You aren't telling me they didn't ask questions."

"Oh, sure they asked questions, tried to follow me out the door demanding if you and I were together."

"What did you say?" I ask again.

"I told them that it was none of their shit whether we were or not," Louis lightly touches my hand. "I know I’ve been short with you about coming out, but I would never out you, you know that right?"

"I know."

"Good."

"So what do we do from here?"

"You know what my answer will be," Louis hums, "Haz, you know I love you."

"Yeah." I don't know if I want to hear the end of this though.

"But...sneaking around and lying...I don't know how much longer I can do it."

"I figured." I want to cry but I compose my complexion and instead stare intensely at the bright moon.

"What do you mean, you figured?"

"I know I'm not exactly what you want Louis. It's not lost on me when you look at Liam and Zayn who are free and out and I can tell you're jealous and I'm fucking sorry I can't be that for you!"

"So... you’ve been _expecting_ me to dump you?"

"That isn't a surprise to you?" I ask bitterly. 

"Um, yes that's a surprise to me," Louis sits up, "You had no faith that I would stick around through the thick and thin? I _love_ you!"

"I know!" I sit up now.

"Well, obviously you didn't know enough to believe I would stay."

"It's just, you're always pushing me to come out after I told you I wasn't ready."

"I didn't know it would take half a year!"

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not as confident with myself the way you are." I snap. 

"How long?" Louis asks looking at the ground.

"What do you mean how long?"

"How long have you thought I was going to just leave you."

"From the moment we had that first talk about coming out," I mumble. 

"So your dream about the boy in the painting, that wasn't just some stupid fairytale you made up."

"Of course I didn't make it up," I'm getting worked up for no reason at this point. "You think I wanted this?"

"You tell me, Harry? You seem like you've been planning our breaking up for a while now!"

"Don't say it like that!"

"Well it's true isn't it?"

"Yes but—"

"No, buts Harry. How are we supposed to have a relationship if you don't _trust_ me?"

"Maybe we need a break," I muttered. "This, _this_ obviously isn't working."

"It was _working_ Harry!" Louis's eyes are wet now, "You just need to _trust_ me. I'm not going anywhere even if I do get a bit pissed, you're not ready to be open yet. All I said is that I'm tired of sneaking around—"

"So let's stop sneaking!" I stand up.

"Come on Haz, don't pull away now!" Louis looks desperate but I'm done. I should have never taken this risk. I knew the consciences, and here I was in a fucking mess and with a broken heart. Not to mention the center of tomorrow's gossip column. Our school didn't have one of those but if we did, my face would be the front page.

"Stop Louis," I say shrugging him off, "I already have enough to deal with tomorrow, the last thing I need is to feel—"

"—Feel like a complete dick because that's what it looks like to me!" Louis cried, jogging to keep up with my fluid steps back to the school.

"Don't call me names!" My arms crossed and my mind full of the taunting and jeering boys from grade school.

Louis was mad now, I could tell. "Fine, I will you coward! You couldn't even stand here and work this out you fucking coward—"

I didn't hear the last bit because I took off running again. Sprinting up the stone path until I reached the back doors of the dormitories. Fumbling to grasp the key I unlocked the door and fled upstairs into my room, my original room. 

* * *

_"...Coward! You couldn't even stand here and work this out you fucking coward—"_ I shake myself awake, Louis's voice still ringing through my head. The feeling of tears overtook my dignity, and I began to cry. Sob more like it because everything Louis had said was true. I was a coward. I had been playing a fucking part for the past two years. Damn, if anyone, _I_ should be the one taking up theater. The whole thing with Ava and now the whole thing with Louis, maybe I was never supposed to be loved.

"Harry? Mate?" A groggy voice asked, and I sit up to see a half-asleep Zayn. He hadn't been in our room when I came back that night, so I guess he slipped in after I had cried myself to unconsciousness. 

"What?"

"Are you alright? You sound miserable over there."

"I am." 

"D-Do you want to talk about it?"

I didn't want to. I wanted to hide under my covers and never come out, but I knew that was impossible. I had classes the next day and for sure would be talked about. "You didn't hear?"

"Hear what?"

"Darcy and Kelly spotted Louis and I kissing in the hall on our way back from, um..." I trail off and Zayn seems to get the gist of it.

"Shit. What did they say?"

"Nothing. I ran Zayn, I was a fucking coward and ran leaving Louis to deal with it."

"They'll talk, you know that, right?"

"I know!" I wail and the tears begin again.

"Come here you big dork," Zayn says, sitting up and moving his duvet aside so I can slide under with him. He wraps an arm around me, and I try to get my breathing under control. "Tell me what happened."

So I do. I tell him about running and then Louis coming after me. The fight, the name-calling, more running, and the dread I face waking up tomorrow, well this morning, to the rumors and gossip. "Maybe I can run away to Canada." I sigh and Zayn rubs my back soothingly.

"Don't do that mate, there are bears in Canada."

"There are bears here too," I point out. "Plus there is poutine in Canada."

"Fair point," Zayn nods. "But seriously Harry it won't be that big of a deal. You're not the little boy you use to be. They can't hurt you."

"So should I just say..."

"Say 'yeah Louis and I are together what about it?'" Zayn shrugs.

"That's the problem, I don't know if we are still together."

"What do you mean you _don't know_?"

"I said we needed to take a break. Louis said he was tired of sneaking around so I said we should just take a break. A break doesn't mean breaking up does it?"

"I don't know. I think you need to talk with him."

"No."

"Harry."

"I can't do it Zayn. I was terrible to him. I love him and yet expected him to dump me, what kind of idiot does that?"

"A curly idiot." Zayn chuckles.

"You are no help, Malik," I mutter.

"Maybe you're right."

"That you are no help? Of course, I'm right."

"No, not that but thanks a lot. I mean maybe you should just give each other some space and talk in a couple of days."

I'm quiet for a moment as I think. Maybe I should deal with whatever mess Kelly and Darcy had made before I try and fix things with Louis. The truth was still that I was expecting him to break up with me but deep, deep down there was a part of me that believed that wasn't true. The whole thing was twisted and my mind hurt thinking about it.

"I think I'll do that." I take in a shaky breath. "Thanks for talking with me Zayn."

"No problem, I'll away be here you know that." I climb off his bed and back into my own, "And you're welcome to hang out with Liam and me for the next couple of days."

"For the first time ever, third-wheeling isn't sounding so bad." I laugh and after another hour of staring at the darkened ceiling, I'm asleep.


	15. Pathos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pa·thos  
> /ˈpāˌTHäs/  
> noun  
> A quality that evokes pity or sadness.

**_"Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."_ **

**_~John Meyer_ **

"Harry you have to get out of bed sometime." Zayn's exasperated voice wakes me up and I sink farther down under the covers. The duvet provides a shield, protecting me from not only the harsh cold morning draft but the spectacle I know was to come.

"No."

"I know it's rough right now, but you don't even know how bad it is yet. Maybe nobody cares."

"You and I both know that's not true."

Silence. 

Zayn tries again, "Why don't you go talk with Lou right now? Just get it out of the way so you can have your day without dwelling on it?" It's tempting but I remind myself this is actually my fault and we agreed to give each other some space.

"Oh right," I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm as I throw back the blankets and step out of my warm refuge. "I think it's a swell idea to walk up to my maybe ex-boyfriend and say 'sorry I basically dumped you last night for only speaking facts.' That sounds like it would go over nicely, don't you think?"

"Louis won't be like that."

"No."

"God, you're so immature." He grunted, pounding his head against the wall to emphasize his point which resulted in a red spot on his forehead that will probably bruise over in a couple of hours. "Owww!" He muttered, rubbing his forehead.

The slight incident is enough to get me to crack a small smile. "I'm coming," I trudge to the bathroom to wash up. "Don't injure yourself too much more while I'm gone."

"I could break a bone whilst sitting on my bed," Zayn mumbled as he leaned against the wall to wait for me.

I dramatically stare at myself in the mirror as I survey what we are working with this morning. Irritated scarlet eyes from my last night's breakdown, puffy cheeks, my curls doing their own wild dance of their own and my throat feels dry and scratchy.

Wonderful.

I splash some water on my face and feel the coolness against my skin. It feels nice and I do it again. I pick up my toothbrush and as I'm squeezing the toothpaste on, I get flashbacks from when Louis and I used to dance around each other in the bathroom during those giddy mornings. 

"Alright, I'm done." I glumly announced and Zayn gives one nod, finishing whatever he's doing on his phone and we walk out of our room and down the multiple staircases to the dining hall.

I had anticipated the whispers, the name-calling, the bullying but I had not thought about the just rude staring. Eyes were everywhere when I entered the dining hall, and I ducked my head to keep their piercing glares out of my mind. Instead, they burned a hole into my back as I numbly followed Zayn to the food line.

"Is it true?"

"That's what I heard."

"Harry Styles?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Darcy and Kelly said they saw him making out with the Louis boy during Midsummers."

Back when everything hadn't gotten so twisted up. The whispering buzzes through my skull like a disagreeable swarm of bees and I shake my head trying to get rid of the sound. It doesn't work, the buzzing is still there, and the eyes are still staring. It's like primary school all over again. People laughing, talking, picking on me. I feel like their voices are about to swallow me up as I'm thrashing my limbs to take a deep breath of fresh air—

"Bagel?"

"No."

"Harry you need to eat."

"I have apple." I insist, my childish way of speaking making its appearance whenever I'm in a mood.

"You need more than a fucking apple." Zayn was so done with me I could tell.

He puts a bagel with cream cheese and some more fruit on my plate. My stomach felt anything but hungry right now, but I thanked him anyway.

"Come on you big baby," Zayn said, dragging me to the other side of the room where Liam, Niall, and Louis usually sat. Louis was nowhere in sight and for once, I was glad.

"They're talking," I murmured, and Zayn rolled his eyes.

"Isn't that what you expected? Don't listen to them, they don't know shit."

"Hey Harry, Zayn," Liam greets us sidling up to Zayn's side and placing his tray of food next to his. "Are you doing alright H?"

"Fine."

"He's in a mood this morning. Can't blame him, but you're not going to get a single sentence out of this guy today I think." Zayn said, stealing a grape off of Liam's plate.

"Have you seen Louis?" Liam asks tentatively.

"No."

"Got a text from Niall that they went got breakfast earlier," Zayn whispers to Liam but I heard. 

The bagel felt dry and obnoxious going down my throat and the fruit was cold, but I ate it all knowing I would regret it later if I didn't. "I'll see you guys at lunch?" I asked hopefully in Zayn and Liam's direction and they nod.

"Keep that curly head up." Zayn says, "Remember they don't know shit."

If only it was that easy.

"Oh my god, did you hear about Harry? Everyone's saying he's _gay_."

"So who cares?" Someone asked and I looked up hoping to see an ally, but I couldn't find who said it.

"Well, Ava probably does." The voice giggles and I cringed. I hadn’t thought Ava would get dragged into this and I swallowed hard. 

"Maybe that's why he broke up with Ava."

"I thought Ava broke up with him?"

"I wonder what Ava thinks about having dated him now."

I turn quickly into my first class and wish the day to be over quickly. For once I'm not fighting math and the numbers provide a numbing distraction from all the whispering and staring. Liam's help was paying off and I easily worked through the assigned problems. 

Later that day, I was slowly dragging my feet to Mr. William's classroom and my eyes were peeled for Louis's feathery head, knowing this was one of our classes together. My eyes brushed past the door to the abandoned classroom I had pulled him into all those months ago. Where had everything gone wrong?

"Let's settle down." Mr. Williams requested, and the classroom falls silent. I’m at my desk and Louis is still nowhere to be seen. I know I was the one to issue the break, but I craved to see his delicate face and blue eyes more than anything now.

I don't listen to a word of his lecture that day, for Louis's absence was more horrible than if he actually showed up. His desk sat empty on the right and I had to swallow hard when Mr. William called his name for attendance.

"I think I heard he was sick or something." Someone in the back of the class said.

"Maybe Styles gave him something." A voice whispers in my direction and I clench my fists on the side of the desk.

Mr. William didn't hear it and continued talking about the definition of tropes and their meanings. Zayn was positive the whole ordeal would just blow over in a couple of days. Something new would happen and people would not give a single damn about the whole rumor that I wasn't straight. I wasn't too sure.

* * *

"Hey Styles, suck any cock recently?" A boy named Daniele asked me in a hushed tone as I walked to lunch the afternoon. 

Actually, yes.

"Fuck off," I mutter and continue walking. I see Darcy and the other lads ahead. I was bound to bump into them eventually, so I might as well get it over with.

"Hey," I call out as confidently as I can.

"'Sup Styles, how's your day been going?" He's mocking me and I hate it.

"Pretty sucky actually." And then mentally smacked myself for my word choice.

"I bet."

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Mate, I know you're not the brightest, but this is serious for me. Why did you out me like that?"

Darcy stumbles back at my accusation but quickly regains himself, "Had to warn the others we were hanging with a gay. Had to warn Ava. Imagine how she's feeling right now."

How dare he make it sound like he was doing everyone a _favor,_ and to drag Ava into this! I had finally had enough, the little firecracker popped inside of me and I laid into Darcy.

"You know what Darcy, don't go around telling people you 'saved' Ava because she fucking knew! That’s right." I spread my arms around to the small crowd that had grown around us, "Ava knew I was gay, Ava knew I was gay, and we fake dated for two years!" 

I turn to Trevor, "I have fake dated a girl for _two_ years and you can't even get a single date!"

"So..." Darcy is trying to take in what I said as Trevor sinks off to the side amidst mild laughter. "She was just a cover? Why the hell?"

"Because of people like _you! "_ I spit, "I knew this would happen, so I just prevented it for two years, but I'm done now. I'm done with you and all your bullshit and in a couple of months I might actually be thanking you for outing me because it was about time."

"You're just saying that because Kelly and I caught you and Louis sucking each other's mouths off!" Darcy was getting amped up now and he started walking towards me. He was bigger than me, but I was taller, and I looked down at him,

"No, I'm not because I love Louis," I say simply as if it was the most normal thing to come from my mouth and at that moment, it was. It was so simple, I loved Louis.

"Why is it bad to show affection towards people you love?"

"B-Because being gay is just…wrong."

"You’re the only person who thinks that." A higher voice interrupts and I see Ava making her way through the crowd of students to stand by me.

"What? You're going to stand up for your fake ex-boyfriend?" Darcy asked in disbelief, "He _used_ you."

"God, he can't _use_ me if the idea was half mine, you idiot!" She snapped.

She takes my hand, "If anyone else has something shitty to say about my fake ex-boyfriend, feel free to speak now, or Harry and I will be off to lunch."

Nobody said a word. In fact, many looked up at us in awe. Zayn might be like a brother to me, and Liam and Niall might be my best mates, but Ava was my best friend, and I was so fucking grateful for her at the moment.

"Good," She says and taking my hand and walks away in the opposite direction, "And if I hear anything else about this, I will _personally_ come and have a word with you."

My head is buzzing with the white noise of people arguing and talking as Ava leads me out the back door and to the steps, "Hey?" She mumbled, looking at my shaking shoulders and my chest which is pumping up and down with heavy breaths.

"T-Thank you." I turn my head away from the doors of the school as she pulls me into a hug.

"Harry, I'm proud of you."

"Because I am now crying on my fake ex-girlfriend's shoulder like a blubbering walrus?"

"No, because you spoke your truth. I know how hard you've been contemplating this, and you did it! That’s why I'm proud."

"Where's Louis?"

"He called in sick to his classes and had been hanging with Niall."

I stay silent to see if she'll give me any more information.

"And he's in a similar state at you right now."

"It's my fault. I told him I didn't trust he'd stay with me."

"Is that what happened? Niall said Louis kept blaming himself."

"How could he be possibly blaming himself. I'm the one who fucked up!"

"Listen just go talk with him."

"No, Ava I can't. I ruined my one chance at being loved."

"God, Harry you're so dramatic. It's not like if things don't work out with Louis, you'll never find someone else."

"No, because for me, Louis is the only one I will ever love. I knew it back in primary school and I know it now." My head felt heavy, and I let it drop into my arms as I stared down at the gray stone step I was sitting on. Ava kept rubbing my back and by the time I had finally pulled myself together the sun had set over the treetops and the lights inside the school created a queer contract to the pitch-black outdoors.

"Why don't I get you some soup and I'll meet you in your room." Ava offered meekly but I shook my head.

"Av, I don't know what I did to deserve you. I can't thank you enough for putting up with me, I know I can be sort of a twat sometimes."

 _"Sort of?"_ She scoffed and helped me up onto my feet, "Try a major twat."

"I know I can be a major twat sometimes." I laugh lightly and she nods in contentment.

"That more like it. Find me tomorrow, alright?"

And after thanking her again she disappears off inside. I should go get some food but instead, I find myself wandering the mostly deserted hallways, thinking. 

I was out. 

Just like that, the buildup I had made for myself for years was now all gone and done by Darcy and Kelly. Part of me was mad, that was my moment, and it was fucking twisted and inhuman for them to do that. I was and probably always will hold that against them.

Then, there was the part of me that thought they did something I never worked up enough courage to do myself. Maybe it was supposed to happen this way. I find myself in the hallway where Louis had dragged me that first weekend we hung out, to the toilets where he had written on the stall. I stood there for a moment wondering if I wanted to go in and see if it were still there before decided I would just take a small peek.

Walking down the hallway I checked in both directions to see if anyone was around. No one was, so I walked right in to then stop dead in my tracks. 

Louis was standing there, his back towards me and humming to something in his earphones. My heart racing I slid behind the wall and listened. He kept humming to himself and I smelled the distinct odor of a sharpie in the atmosphere. I peeked out from behind my cover and saw he was adding a line to the one that was already there. What was the first line he had written?

_'We made a start. Be it a false one, I know. Baby, I don't want to feel alone.'_

I don't want to feel alone.

And that was exactly what I had done, left him because I thought he was going to leave me. God, I was so stupid. Why did I jump to conclusions like that and why was I so fucking insecure?

I sighed to myself and resisted the urge to stomp my feet and throw my hands up in the air like a child throwing a tantrum. It then became very aware to me that the soft humming had stopped, and I held my breath.

"Hello?" A tentative voice called out. It was Louis and he sounded a bit scared. 

Should I answer? Then he would know I had been spying on him. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I shouldn't, this would be the exact opposite of giving each other space. Maybe I could slip out and he wouldn't notice. Of course not he's standing right in front of the doorway. Damn it.

"Is someone in here?" Louis's small voice asked again, and I felt weak. God, he was adorable. 

"Um, yeah it's just me." My voice tight I stepped out from behind the wall, my palms sweaty, face red, and head bent so he couldn't see my bashful face having just been caught spying on him. In my defense, however, I came without the knowledge he would be scribbling on the stalls. 

"Hi—oh," Louis's eyes grew wide, and even though we had only seen each other less than twenty-four hours ago I felt that so much had changed between us. 

"I-I didn't mean to um, spy on you I was just walking, and I needed a wee or um," This was ridiculous. I shut my mouth before I could fuck this up even more.

"No, it's fine. I-I was just leaving." Louis pocketed his sharpie and started walking towards the door. He had to squeeze past me and for a brief second out hands brushed up against each other. 

I froze.

Louis kept moving until the wooden door had closed behind him and he was gone. I couldn't blame him for being cold. It had been silly to think that we could all of a sudden work everything out. Things were too new to me and probably too raw for him. I slowly walked over to the line of lyrics that had been written there months ago to see another line underneath. It read,

_So kiss me where I lay down, my hands pressed to your cheeks. A long way from the playground...'_

Playground? Of course, the bright yellow and green playground at our primary school.

_Flashback_

_We were under the tunnel of the sunshine yellow and green playground our primary school had in the field behind the row of classrooms. It had been a nice clear spring day and you could see the little white wildflowers poking up from the lush green grass. Louis had taken my hand, much to my surprise, at the bringing of recess and brought me under the tunnel telling me he had something sad to tell me._

_"I don't like sad things very much." I had confessed as we crossed over the black asphalt with hopscotch boards and other childish chalk drawings._

_"I know but you're my only friend, so I've got to tell you." Louis had insisted, stopping under the tunnel._

_"What is it?"_

_"I'm going to a different primary school than all these other kids next year. One on the other side of the city that's all fancy so my parents don't have to volunteer and stuff."_

_"Why don't your parents want to volunteer? My mommy loved volunteering and seeing me do my math and letters."_

_"You have a very nice mommy." Louis sighed, "My mommy and daddy are always busy. They don't have time to come help in my classroom."_

_"Oh." My face had fallen, and my lip poked out between my lips in a pout as I realized my only friend would not be with me anymore at school. “I’m going to miss you, Lou." I had said, gazing sadly._

_He had smiled shyly, "And I'm going to miss you and your cookies."_

_"And what happens if I fall over a puddle again and spoil my books again? Who will help me up?"_

_"I’m sure you'll make new friends." Louis says confidently, "You are so likable and so pretty."_

_"Pretty?"_

_"Sure!" Louis took my hand to admire the little smiley faces Gemma had drawn on my nails with a tiny black pen this morning for fun. "These are so cute!"_

_"But I haven't gotten a chance to do yours yet!" I sputtered. "Remember you said that you wanted to do your nails like mine?"_

_"I still do but I can't. My parents are taking me to stay at my nanny's house for the summer while they are on holiday. I'm sorry Haz."_

_A small tear had fallen down my flushed cheeks as Louis hugged. me. If only he knew how bad it would get after he left._

_End of flashback_

That was the last time I had seen Louis before coming to Ruthwood. I trace my fingers over the swift script on the wall and inhale the fresh tang of sharpie when I had an idea. It wouldn't be running heroically after him today, it needed a bit of preparation, but I knew now I could apologize to Louis and it was going to fix things between us. It just had to.

* * *

It had been four excruciatingly long and painful days without Louis and since I had come out. As Zayn had predicted people moved on from my ordeal and now focused on some fight that happened on the football field. Apparently, some teammates crashed into another and broken his arm and the parents, during the match, were yelling at poor Coach Clark. I had not been at the match since footie did not strike any one of my interests and was at the time in the library with Niall who was helping me pick out more Shakespeare for me to read. 

"This one is a classic." Niall gushed balancing another book on my stack of three I held in my arms. 

I looked down at the dusty cover, Love's Labour's Lost. Sounded appropriate for the current situation. When I had asked Niall to distract me this wasn't exactly what I had in mind but then he guilted me into it saying this could be an apology for not seeing the ending of his performance.

"What's this one about?" I asked, trying to be pleasant as Niall skimmed the row of ancient-looking books for another title. 

"It's about the King of Navarre and his three companions who swear to commit their life to study and self-improvement for three years. Which means putting aside all the foolish thoughts of love and ladies."

"And I'm guessing they fail?"

"Naturally. It's unhealthy for one to go long periods of time without love and nurturement."

"This is probably the first serious conversation I've had with you," I say, chuckling as Niall continued to run his finger along the shelf.

"Thanks a lot."

"No, I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's been nice."

"Harry, for as popular and charming as you are. You are awkward as fuck."

We shared a laugh as Niall finished up and after checking out the books. "Let me know which one you like the most!" Niall says excitedly.

"Sure thing." 

Niall left for his room and I walked up the stairs in the opposite direction to my room. I was glad the whole situation centering me had blown over, but it did leave me a bit lonely. Hanging out with Niall had been a nice relief from classes and studying.

I didn't hang out with Darcy and the other lads anymore and I was happy about that but neither did Zayn which meant he now spent all his time with Liam. They were all too kind to me, letting me crash their late Harry Potter nights and dine with them mornings and evenings but someone was missing. 

Louis.

I had seen Louis a couple of times in the hallway and in the dining hall, but it wasn't the same and my heart ached to just hug him and tell him I was sorry. I needed to give him some space though. It wouldn't be fair to him for me to push him away, yelling that I never trusted him with our relationship, and then come crawling back to him two days later hoping he'd forgive and forget.

I hadn't forgotten and was busy putting something together as a humble apology that I hope would suffice for my horribly insensitive and reckless actions. I had Ava come down to the shopping square with me last night to help me and together we picked out the perfect colors and everything. Right now I was wrapping everything up with a small bow and in a couple of minutes would drop the package off at Louis's room with the help of Liam who was so nice and could talk his way into anything...like getting an extra room key from the housing office to Louis's room.

Liam came later that evening and left, leaving me to anxiously twist the rings on my finger and wait.


	16. Dimittetur Illi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dimittetur Illi  
> [Latin]  
> noun  
> To forgive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter from Louis's pov. Thank you again for reading!   
> All the love, -M

**_ "Forgive them for not being what they weren't meant to be." _ **

**_ ~Anonymous  _ **

Louis was shaken by the small encounter with Harry in the restrooms. He had gone there to add a line to the lyrics he had scribbled there months before everything, and what were the odds Harry would find himself there at the same time as well. He hadn't said anything to him other than a few stiff words before darting out of the room. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but seeing his face hurt, seeing him hurt. 

A couple of days later, Louis found himself downstairs near the art department. He wondered if Stan was enjoying the option of sleeping in his own bed these past nights. Usually, Stan would stay in the art room, not wanting to listen to him and Harry talk and snog into the late hours of the night, but now that didn't happen anymore and Stan had popped back in more and more. He guessed the floor gets old after a while, creative space or not.

"What are you doing down here?" A voice called and Louis turned to see Kelly, at least he thinks that's what her name is. She's holding an instrument case and her usually perfect hair is thrown into a messy bun on the top of her head.

"Um, what?" 

"Do you play an instrument?"

"No, I-I was..." Why was he explaining himself to her? "Get out of my way," He snapped and turned to find the art room when she stops him with a soft hand.

"Wait, I-I wanted to say something to you."

"Alright, get on with it." Louis was impatient. He really didn't need to talk with the girl who had turned his boyfriend's life into hell. Well, make that ex-boyfriend.

"I wanted to apologize" She stuttered and fiddled with the handle of her violin case, ripping at the worn leather.

"Thanks," Louis muttered and is about to turn away again when she literally grabs his arm to pull him back to her. He flinches and tugs his arm away, thinking of Briana, "Get off me!"

"I'm sorry I just, I just needed to say more."

"Well, you don't have to grab me."

"I'm sorry." She really looked sorry, so Louis takes a deep breath, reminding himself this isn’t the same situation. 

She gives him a cautious look before continuing, "What I did, what I let Darcy do, was fucked up and I will never forgive myself for it." She releases a shaky breath.

"Congratulations, maybe you are human." Louis gives a sarcastic round of applause.

"No, I mean that—My brother is gay, and I know how fucking hard it was for him to come out. It was insensitive and disgusting of me to make Harry, and you, go through what caused him great pain."

That was not what he was expecting to hear, "Why did you do it then?"

"Same reason Harry parades around the school pretending he's straight and a complete twat. To fit in, to be safe, to not be a nobody."

"I'll try not to take offense to that." 

"You shouldn't!" Kelly insists, "I'm so jealous of people like you who give no fucks about being anything but yourself. It shows that you're confident enough with who you are you don't need to be validated by anyone."

Maybe she's not such a dimwitted airhead, after all, he thinks to himself. "Thank you," Louis said and tentatively extended a hand and she shook it. It's the start of a new relationship. It is no longer the nobody and the somebody, but two equals who have a mutual understanding for each other. Louis wasn't going to hold what she did against her; it wasn't in his nature to hold grudges. 

"You're really lucky to have Harry. I can see how much he loves you." She said, pulling her hand away and picking up her case.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You didn't hear him shouting to Darcy a couple of days ago about how much he loves you?" She looks confused. "Are you two alright?"

"Um, yeah we're kind of on a break right now, "He mumbled. 

Kelly's face falls, "It's because of what I did, I'm such a cunt." She bites her lip angrily. "I don't blame you if you still hate me." 

"Well, you didn't help, but it was something else too." Louis fumbles with his sweatshirt between his fingers. "What did he say if I might ask?" Louis was dying to hear any news about Harry since they had been avoiding one another these past days.

She looked up as if trying to remember, "He said 'I love Louis. Why is it bad to show affection towards people you love?' I'm fairly sure. When Darcy was giving him shit, he yelled it, like in front of a huge group of people. You really didn't hear about this?"

Louis shook his head in disbelief, "No, as you said, I'm a nobody. I don't get told things and I don't get involved." But his mind wasn't on their conversation anymore. All he wanted to do at that moment was run up to Harry's room, wrap him in a bear hug, and tell him how proud he was. Maybe this wasn't the time to fight instincts. He had seemed friendly enough in the restrooms back then, maybe it had been enough time.

"Thank you for that. I've got to go." And leaving behind a confused, yet amused Kelly, he sprinted from the art department, up the three long staircases and down that hallway to the dorms. The last staircase felt like climbing Mount Everest and by the time Louis reached the landing he needed to stop to catch his breath. 

"You alright their mate?" Liam's friendly voice asked, he was walking down that hall and swinging a room key around his finger.

"Yeah...why are you coming from that direction. Isn't your room on the other side of the banister?"

"Came from um, Zayn's." Liam coughed and then smiled, "Try not to hyperventilate alright?" And he left, nervously fidgeting with his room key.

"Strange." Louis thought to himself. Liam was a shit liar, but he wondered why he even needed to be lying. Everyone knew he and Zayn were...what were they? It didn't matter, he needed to find Harry.

Louis continued to his room to freshen up before confronting Harry and it was only after he had taken off his sweatshirt and hung his key on the hook by the door when he noticed a light blue parcel placed neatly on his bed.

"Stan?" He called into the empty room, but he knew he wasn't there. He walked slowly up to his bed and bent down to examine the package. It was wrapped in a light pigmented blue paper with a small piece of brown string tied into a little bow on the top. On the little card tied to the string, it read; _A long way from the playground..._

That was the last line I had written on the bathroom stall, that day when Harry and I had last seen each other. It was Harry's writing for sure and Louis smiled to himself, imagining Harry reading those words, memorizing those words so he could write them on this little card. He untied the string and carefully ripped off the blue paper and out fell two separate things. The first a small pink mesh bag with drawstrings and inside were three small bottles of nail polish: bright yellow, ocean blue, and emerald green with a small piece of paper that said,

_ For your long overdue manicure -H. Xx _

He remembered Louis thinks fondly, rolling the cool smooth bottles between his fingers and looking at the colors within. The small gesture tugged at Louis's heartstrings as he picked up the second item which was a small packet of chocolate chip cookies, just like the ones he shared with Louis back in primary school. 

Louis's heart was beating fast now, was this the olive branch? Louis was about to head to Harry's room when he saw written on the cookie package in black letters a location, _Garden._

Pocketing the note, bag of cookies, and the small bottles of polish, he put on his jacket and headed to the garden, butterflies in his middle and full of hope.


	17. Eleutheromania

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eleutheromania  
> /ɛˌljuːθərəʊˈmeɪnɪə/  
> noun  
> An intense and irresistible desire for freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and coming along with me through this journey. If you could comment and give feedback that would be lovely and the epilogue will be up shortly!  
> All the love, -M

**_"Love is only for the brave."_ **

**_~Louis Tomlinson_ **

After waiting for what felt like a lifetime, a small knock sounded at my door. It was Liam, signaling he had dropped off the small package. I didn't know what I would do without him, Ava, Zayn, and Niall. The four of them had shown beyond a doubt that they were truly the best kind of friends a lad could ask for.

Nervously, I slid on my shoes and peeking out of my door in Louis's direction to make sure he hadn't already left, I slipped out the back door to the garden. If everything went as planned, he would be walking down the stairs in a couple of minutes. 

Now I hadn't exactly worked out what I was going to say. I thought the nail polish and the cookies might create an ice breaker, but what I really needed to do is just fix the fucking mess I had created for him and myself. It had been my fault and Louis did nothing except want to be with me publicly. As for trust, I had done a lot of thinking lately and yeah, I did think he might leave me, but as I thought about it my logic didn't even make sense. I knew Louis and I were supposed to have our time together, ever since I was young. So why was I pushing away from the idea that after all those times dreaming about our relationship it wouldn't work? 

After thinking about that, I had chalked the whole ordeal up to simply being disgracefully insecure. What do the people say, 'you can't love unless you believe you deserve it' or something? It was plain I didn't think I deserved someone like Louis. He was open and free and didn't care what others thought of him. I, on the other hand, spent the last two years of my life pretending to be someone else so people would like me. We were on opposite sides of the scale but that didn't mean I couldn't change. I wanted to change, if not for myself, at least for Louis.

The low hanging tree branch started to move, making me jump in my seat. There stood Louis, the little presents I left him in his hand, his lips parted and his eyes wide as we just stood there, staring. It had been so long since I had seen him clearly and the beautiful sight in front of me was taking my breath away. Of course, he was beautiful, always had been, but after days of just seeing him in the halls surrounded by people, seeing of him now was a sight for sore eyes.

"Hi," Louis says shyly, fiddling with the ribbon on the mesh bag containing the polish.

I'm about to reply when the ring I was rolling around on my finger dropped from my grasp and fell on the ground near a row of shrubs. "Oops," I muttered bending down to hunt for my missing ring. 

"Here, I'll help." Louis put down his things on the nearby table and bent down to help me. We crawled around each other awkwardly for a couple of minutes before Louis straighten up, "Here it is," He said, holing up the chunky gold ring I always wore. His hands shook slightly as he handed it to me, and I felt my face grow warm as I muttered a thank you and slipped it back onto my middle finger.

More silence.

"What are we doing?" Louis finally breaks the silence with a little laugh.

"I don't know.” I can feel my face grow warm, “Um, do you want to sit down and um, talk?"

"Yeah." Louis heads for the table and we sit down. To my surprise, Louis, instead of starting the conversation starts to twist the top off one of the bottles of nail polish.

"Oh, you want to do that now?" I asked surprised. I didn't mind, in fact, it would give us something to do seeing we were being so awkward about this.

"Yes," Louis says, looking at the brush, "I've waited almost a decade for my nails to be done by you. I'm not passing up the opportunity."

I pressed my tongue against the roof of my mouth to suppress a huge grin as I took the small brush from his hands and he spread his fingers out so I can start. He chose green and I expertly started on his pinky. "Louis..." I start, concentrating on his nail, "I-I'm so sorry." My voice cracked at the word sorry, and I swallow hard. That was only three of the million words I needed to say to apologize for what I had done but my mouth wasn't finding the words at the moment. 

"Hey, hey," Louis said, leaning over and awkwardly tilting my head up with his wet fingernails so I'm looking at him dead in the eye, "It's ok." 

"What do you mean it's ok?"

"I mean it's alright. I know you're sorry and I'm alright now."

"No," I stated, frowning at him, "I fucking left you. I didn't fucking trust you. I treated you like shit so stop saying it's alright because it's not!" I took a deep breath and swallowed hard again. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you, that just goes to show I'm insecure and I didn't think I deserved you."

Louis looked down at his newly painted green nails and gave me a small smile.

"W-Why are you smiling?" I was confused. Shouldn't he be angry, shouldn't he be...mad at me?

"They look so pretty," Louis's small voice says, gesturing with his head to his nails. "Thank you."

"What's going on Louis. Why aren't you answering me, why are you saying that?" I was so confused.

"Harry," Louis gets up from his side of the table to come sit next to me on my side of the table. "I never blamed you for what you did. I was angry at myself, to be honest for giving you a reason to think I _might_ leave. I was never mad, nor am I now. Like I said on the field that night, I thought everything was working. I guess it just came as a bit of a shock to hear that you didn't think the same. But I was never mad." He gently reached up to brush his finger to my pink cheek, "How could I be mad at you when you have a face like that?" 

"I guess we both kind of blockheads then," I said, leaning into his touch. "Now that I think about it this all was so foolish."

Louis let out a light chuckle, "Guess so. A-Are we good now though? I-I've missed you like...a lot."

"I've missed you too," I said shyly and scooted a bit closer to him, wanting to be near the boy who made me feel free. Free and loved.

"Thank you for the nails, I can't believe you remembered."

"Of course I remembered," I rolled my eyes, "God, it was the only thing I could think about when I saw you walk through the doors of the dining hall the first day of the fall semester two years ago."

"Exactly what did you think?" Louis's cheeky side making an appearance.

"I thought, wow! Look at my Louis all grown up and as beautiful as ever. I wonder if one day he'd still let me paint his nails like he made me promise back in primary school under the tunnel during break."

"You wanna know what I thought when I first saw you here at Ruthwood?"

"What?" I was eager to know since it didn't look like he noticed me until the winter break two years ago.

"I thought; damn he has a girlfriend, I'm too late."

I bit my lip in frustration but before I could say anything in return Louis leaned over and lightly brushed his lips to mine and then whispered, "I guess Fitzgerald said, 'it's never too late' is it?"

My heart was beating uncontrollably now, and my mind had gone warm and heavy with love for this boy. I wrapped my arms around his thin waist to pull him closer, "No, it never is."

The feeling overtook me, and Louis pressed against my mouth harder and more prominent. The kiss was passionate and desperate as if we were racing time itself. As if we were the last people on the Earth.

Hungrily Louis slipped his tongue into my mouth and started to explore as I suppressed a small moan as clung tightly onto his sweatshirt. It had been too long, and I gripped onto Louis tighter to make sure this wasn't a dream or an infuriating figure of my imagination. I needed to make sure he was real and not the boy in the painting. 

Louis responded to this and pulling away from my mouth started sucking at my neck, making the feeling of his lips against my skin all too real. That was just what I needed, to make sure he wasn't going to slip out of my nimble grasp without me.

"I-I missed you so fucking much," Louis growls into my neck and I tilted my head back as he continues to mark up my collar bone with teasing little love bites. 

"My neck is going to be purple tomorrow," I whined, but who was I kidding, I was enjoying this far too much.

"Like you're mad about that."

Finally, he pulled away, his lips swollen and his cheeks flushed, and looked at my neck, nodding proudly at his work like a painter would at a newly completed canvas. 

"You wanna know something?" I ask with a childish grin on my also swollen lips.

"What's that?"

"I will not be wearing a turtleneck tomorrow and will proudly be showing off your artwork."

The expression Louis made as I spoke was one of utmost delight and he pressed another firm kiss to my lips, "I'm so proud of you Haz. So unbelievably proud."

* * *

"Pass me the grapes?" Liam asked and Louis lifted the huge bowl of grapes over Zayn's styled black quiff and hands it to Liam who pops one in his mouth.

"Hey, you moved one too many spaces!" Ava called out to Niall as he moves his shoe figurine past the jail square.

"Did not! See I got five," Niall argues pointing to the dice.

"Well, you counted wrong because you're supposed to be in jail right now," She pointed, recounting the spaces and sure enough. 

"Fine," Niall grumbled and moves his shoe back so he's in the orange square labeled **JAIL.**

The group of us had reconnected during dinner and were all piled in our room playing a game of Monopoly. Attempting to play I should say because Liam and Zayn were too wrapped up in each other to be paying much attention to the gameboard and Niall and Ava broke out into an argument like every other turn.

I was perfectly fine with it though because I then had time to keep holding Louis's small hand up against mine and admire our blue and green nails against each other. Louis had done mine blue and although there were a few smudges, they looked perfect.

"Niall, I need ten dollars, not twelve," Ava said and Niall flipped her off. 

"Leave me alone, I'm failing math."

"Not me!" I sing, "Thanks to my wonderful tutor." I wink and Liam and he gives me a thumbs up.

"Say, could you tutor me too?" Niall asked desperately.

"In what? Manners, social graces, when and when not to say certain things or math?" Liam said, raising his eyebrows.

Ava let out a snort and started rolling around on the floor laughing and I could feel Louis's body shaking from where I lay in his lap from suppressed giggles. Niall frowned and launched himself at Liam, "You'll pay for that Payno!" He screeched and the two of them fell over wrestling. 

"Get him, babe!" Zayn cheered as the two of them rolled around and Ava squealed as to not get hit by the flailing arms and legs.

"I think we are the only normal ones here," Louis whispered as we watch Liam change course and start chucking grapes at a hysterically laughing Niall.

"And that's saying a lot." I agree and twist my head around so he can peck me on the lips. 

"Watch out!" Zayn yelled as a grape goes flying past Liam's face. Ava is now sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor and trying to throw grapes down Niall's oversized t-shirt.

"Hey! That one felt slimy!" Niall winced, shuddering as the small fruit rolled down his back.

"That might have been one of the ones I almost inhaled," Zayn says thoughtfully.

"Gross." Ava wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Boys are disgusting."

"I'm insulted." Louis protests, "Harry and I practice perfectly appropriate hygiene." 

"I'll believe it when I see it," Ava says and shoves another grape down Niall's back.

After the grape fighting and wrestling calmed down and we finished our game with more Niall and Ava bickering. Liam won, obviously, and it was getting later so Louis and I decided to retire to our room, Louis's room.

"So Ava and Niall really get on each other's nerves huh?" Louis said, stepping into our room and slipping off his shoes.

"I think it's just bickering." I smile, "As we do sometimes."

"What do you mean?" Louis asked innocently brushing my shoulder playfully as he heads to the bathroom to freshen up. I follow him and lightly smack his bum from behind making his jump.

"Harry! Hands to yourself!" 

"You know very well that isn't going to happen tonight." I tease, walking up to the sink and leaving Louis looking rather uncomfortable in his tight school trousers. I smile smugly and open the cabinet door and to my delight, my toothbrush and hair gel is still in there from when I brought them over months ago. "You didn't get rid of my stuff?"

Louis, who still hadn't moved, finally found his tongue, and walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and looking at our two figures in the mirror, "Nope, I always hoped you'd be back."

I leaned into his touch, nudging my head against his as I picked up my toothbrush and toothpaste. "No, use mine," Louis ordered, handing me his strawberry toothpaste.

"Why? I like my mint."

"Because my tongue is going to be in your mouth tonight and I like strawberries!"

"Selfish much?" I ask but pick up his funny flavored fruity toothpaste and squeezed some onto my brush, "You are such a child."

"No, I just like strawberries."

"Child."

"Strawberries!"

"Get over here!" I say as soon as I finish rinsing my mouth and picking Louis up, I carry him over to the bed and dump him on the unmade duvet. 

My limbs buzz with energy, it's been too long. Louis looks up at me with his pale blue eyes, excited and impatient. I straddle his torso and start very slowly unbuttoning the small white buttons on his school dress shirt. Louis wiggles under me trying to feel his hard self against mine but I push him down, "Louis, please let's not be animals about this."

"Go faster then!" Louis growls as I continue unbuttoning his shirt. God damn it these things are is such a pain. Louis can feel me struggling, so he slaps my hands away with his and rips the remaining part of his shirt, "I told you to go faster." His voice is deep and before I can exclaim that he just ruined one of his school shirts Louis's caught his mouth on mine and I forget all about his ripped shirt and the loose buttons rolling around on the floor. 

"Missed you." Louis hummed against my mouth and I squirm over him, trying to get any kind of friction and Louis laughs breathlessly before using his strength to flip me over so now he's looking down at me with gleaming eyes and flushed cheeks. "My turn." He leaned down to start sucking at my neck. I want to feel his skin against mine, so I pull away and grunt as I try and take off my tie. 

"Rip it," Louis suggested, watching me wrestle this time with my buttons. 

"Why would I do that? It would ruin the shirt."

"It would be hot." Louis is breathing hard and rocking swiftly against my thighs. 

"Too bad." I grinned cheekily, unbuttoning the last button, and discarding it somewhere around the room. I can feel Louis's warm chest against mine now and I grab his shoulders pulling him closer. Louis has his lips around mine again and I close my eyes, just wanting to experience the moment without interruptions. 

I pulled away from his lips causing him to whimper and looked intensely into his eyes, asking for permission. I didn't want this to be an awful experience like his first time. I wanted him to know I loved him, and I cared about how he was feeling. "Are you sure?"

He nods vigorously, "God yes. I love you, Harry. I _want_ to do this with you."

"I just don't want it to feel like a repeat—" 

Louis cuts me off, "Harry, this is nothing like that. We are both sober, we both love each other..." He trails off as if to confirm the statement and I nod seriously. "So," Louis continues, "Trust me, I'll be alright. I'll be more than alright."

I bite my lip to contain a childish grin and Louis responds by turning up his lip in a smirk that made my heart beat faster if that was even possible. "Ok," I whispered, pulling his face towards mine again and planting a kiss on his lips, "Just to let you know though, I've never um, done this before."

"Like, ever?" Louis asks and I put my hands over my face shamefully as Louis chuckles, "Stop that, neither have I."

"Oh," I said and then couldn't help myself, I started to giggle. My cheeks felt warm and Louis's body heat was overwhelming me and I just laid there under Louis, giggling my heart out as Louis shook his head and rolled his eyes. 

"God, Harry you ruined the mood."

"I-I'm sorry I _really_ want to do this; I want to so bad I..." Another inappropriate fit of giggles took over me and Louis rolled off my tummy. "Wait, no I promise I'll pull myself together." I plead, grabbing onto his arm.

"Don't worry your cute little arse off, I'm not leaving. If you want any hope of walking tomorrow, I suggest we get lube." He laughs and walks over to his dresser. I had forgotten about that. As he digs through the drawers, I unabashedly admire his backside and his low-hanging black trousers. 

"Ok, I think we are covered." Louis walks back over to the bed and I fondly place my hands around his waist as he drops a bottle of lube and a condom onto the bed. "Now stop giggling and let's build the mood back up you little twat."

"I love you, Louis!" I sing and Louis clenches his jaw.

"Harry," He groans and then collides his lips with mine, biting my bottom lip playfully and making me scream in delight. We fight for dominance with our tongues for a bit until I let Louis win, inviting him to explore my mouth. "Mhmm strawberries." Louis hums and changes course to start sucking down my neck and then down my tummy making my hips buckle up at the contact. 

Louis, his mouth still on my tummy, starts undoing my belt and he gets it off exceedingly fast before starting to pull my trousers down. He marches kisses down my inner thigh until I'm withering under him. "Off!" I commend him and he undoes his trousers as well until I can tell there isn't any clothing between us now.

"Ok, I'm going to prep you ok?" Louis asks his voice cracking and making my lower region throb harder than it already was. I whimper in confirmation and I feel Louis coating his finger with the cold lube and then he slides one finger in, making me tense. "Is this ok love?" He asked and I nod. The feeling isn't completely unpleasant but there's no pleasure yet. 

"Y-Yeah, keep going." I muster out and Louis seems to hesitate, 

"Are you sure?"

"Yes _please_ , Lou," I beg, and Louis does just that. This time a wave of heat passes through my body and everything seems to feel hazy and perfect. " _Fuck_ , right there," I mumble happily, and Louis chuckled.

"Feel good love?"

"So good! Lou, _please_ now. I'm ready!" I can barely form my words. I grip the sheets in my palm and wait for him to continue. 

"I want to see your face, Haz." Louis is breathless and using his other hand gently tilts my face so I'm gazing up at the most beautiful boy I've ever laid my eyes on. He kisses me hard on the lips before adjusting his position and sliding smoothly into me.

I gasp at the stretch and grip tightly onto his biceps, my nails digging into his arm, but I don't care. Louis didn't seem to mind, and he tried going slow at first to make sure I was comfortable. "Is this alright? Am I hurting you? Do you want me to stop?" He whispered desperately into my ear, but I just wanted more.

"I'm fine, you can move faster," I tell him, my heart bursting with affection with how slow and careful he's being with me. "I love you." I manage to get out as he starts thrusting into me at a rhythmic pace. I needed him to hear that. I wanted him to know that I loved him endlessly.

"I...love...you...too!" Louis said through hot and short breaths as he continued the motion. My legs were shaking where they were wrapped around his waist and I planted another kiss on his swollen red lips.

More pleasure washed through me and Louis picked up his pace, my heels digging into his back and our labored breaths filling the quiet room. I could feel myself getting closer and I pinched my eyes shut as I gasped, "I-I'm gonna—"

Louis took advantage of this moment and with one final thrust into me, I came all over his sheets. He was soon to follow and we both laid there, our chests heaving, our foreheads and palms clammy from sweat, swollen lips, and flushed cheeks, gazing at each other in amazement. "That was the best sex I've ever had." My voice is hoarse and my breathing still uneven.

"That was the only sex you've had." Louis rolled his eyes but scoots closer to me and drapes a long arm around my middle as if securing himself to me.

"Yes," I conceded, "But it was the best. You wanna know why?"

"Because of my strawberry toothpaste?" Louis guessed and it's my time to roll my eyes.

"This is probably the worst pillow talk in the history of pillow talks. You know most couples after sharing such an intimate moment would now tell each other how much they love one another and here you are talking about your childish obsession with strawberry toothpaste."

"We aren't like most couples, we are better."

"I would have to agree with you." I traced my finger down his arm making circles and other random shapes with my blue painted nail.

"Your nails look pretty," He says fondly watching my finger draw on his arm. "The person who painted them was a real expert."

"You have some nerve Tommo," I joke, "Seeing there is still a lot of polish on my cuticles and fingertips I still have to rub off."

"Don't call me Tommo, call me Lou like you always do."

"Hey, that rhymed!" I said excitedly.

"As a poet and lyricist, it's my job to effortlessly make words rhyme."

We lay there in Louis's bed for a long time, tracing each other's exposed skin and talking and enjoying the company. Soon it was dark outside and after getting up to wash off my stomach and Louis changing the sheets we hopped back in bed, cuddling up and making a pile of intertwined limbs under the comforter. 

* * *

I had been awake for a long time. The clock read six-thirty and though my bladder was protesting I wasn't going to move from Louis's grasp. Well, that is until I absolutely needed to. Louis's warm arm had been around me all night as if he was scared I might disappear, but I didn't mind. I wasn't going anywhere. All I ever needed was Louis's arm around me and my friends. "Louis, Louis, Louis." I sing to myself as I trace _I Love You_ on his bare arm over and over with my pointer finger. 

Louis stirs under my touch and I smile, "Good morning love." 

"Hi, Harry." Louis's voice is soft and sleepy, and he smacks his lips together as he gains consciousness. "I was just dreaming about you."

"Ooo what was I doing?"

"You were drawing on me, you were drawing with a blue marker, I Love You all over my arm." Louis giggles.

"How funny." And I smile to myself. There was no need to tell him that was exactly what I had been doing. "We have to get up." I pout and press a soft kiss to his cheek.

"No, five more minutes," Louis said, trying to pull me back down. I don't even fight it, I know I will end up back in bed anyways. "We need to talk about something."

"What?" A twisting feeling was making its way into my middle. It's fine, Harry. I repeated to myself, this is fine.

"Today." Louis says shyly, "A-Are we good to go down to breakfast together today?"

I was expecting the horrifying image of glaring faces to pass through my mind and scared me from giving the answer I want to give him, but it didn't come. I wanted to be out with Louis, I was already out, what more was there? Would we hold hands? Would we be able to kiss in the hallways as they did in the cheesy high school movies? Would people look at us and think, 'Awww they are so cute together' like they use to when I was with Ava? My heartbeat excitedly in my chest as I opened my mouth to give Louis the answer he had been waiting to hear for months, "Yes."

"I love you!" Louis squealed in absolute delight as he wrapped his limbs around me like a koala bear and holds me tight. I can practically feel the smile on his lips and just knowing I'm making him proud of me makes me even more excited to go down to breakfast.

"Come on then, let's go you koala bear." I laugh, trying to stand up. I succeed and Louis still clutches onto me,

"I'm never letting you go!" He cries and hugs me some more, "I'm so proud and I love my Hazza so much!"

"God, you're such a sap." I groan, trudging to the bathroom and almost stumbling due to the Louis still on my back. He hops down, the little bean, and runs the rest of the way to the bathroom, "Me first!"

"Damn it, Lou, I've been holding it since six this morning!" I shout, pounding on the door.

"That's not my problem," Louis says, and after a couple of minutes opens the door. I push past him thinking I should have skipped the drawing on Louis's arm this morning.

One shower and two toothbrushes of strawberry toothpaste later, I slip into my uniform and run my fingers through my curls, trying to tame the unwanted frizz. 

"Catch." Louis calls and I turn and catch the little bottle of hair gel I leave in his bathroom.

"How did you know?" I groan, squirting a bit onto the palm of my hand and running it through my hair.

"I'm your boyfriend, I'm supposed to notice things like that."

These little comments from Louis warm my heart and I take a moment just to me and marvel at the thoughtful statement. "You're so dorky." Louis interrupted my thought by coming behind me and untucking my shirt so it hangs out of my school sweater, "I saw you smiling to yourself after I said that."

"Why did you untuck my shirt?" I ask frowning, "I'll look messy."

"One, how rude, my shirt is always untucked. And two, because it's cute on you and I like it."

"How come it's cute on me but on you it’s hot." I push my lower lip forward.

"Don't say that. You're super hot!" 

If there was a cringe monitor on the wall of Louis's dorm it would be at 100 right now but what can I say, we were lovesick. 

"Ready love?" Louis asked, tucking a loose strand behind my ear, and taking his hand in mine.

"As ever I'll be." My voice a bit shaky but determined and so Louis took my hand and we walked out of the room.

"Morning to my two favorite twats." Ava says, coming behind us and flicking both of our heads.

"Hey! Why am I not one of your favorite twats?" Niall frowned, walking next to Louis as Ava sighs in exasperation.

"Get lost Irish one. It's an important day for these lads. When it's an important day for you, you can be my favorite twat."

"I'm looking for mental help for both of them as soon as the day is over," Louis muttered and I nod in agreement but then swallow hard when I start to notice the eyes. Yup, the whole student union's eyes were on me and Louis so naturally, I gripped his hand a bit tighter.

"You're alright," Louis assures me, "Let's just go get our food."

We go our trays and fill them with today's breakfast casserole and the normal fruit cups. "Yes, strawberries!" Louis cheers and takes more than his fair share of the bright red berries.

"Maybe I should look into some help for you too," I mumble, lightly bumping his shoulder.

Louis is about to reply when someone taps his shoulder and I turn to see Kelly. I stiffen and am about to tell her to fuck off when Louis grabs my arm as if knowing what I was about to do and telling me to stop. 

"Hey, Kelly." He says somewhat kindly, and I gawk in surprise. How could he go around saying that when she was practically the reason we broke up?

"Hey, Louis, Harry." She greets me and I give her a tight smile. What in the world was going on? "I already talked with Louis but Harry, I wanted to apologize to you directly. I'm rightfully ashamed of how I acted, and I hope you will be able to forgive me one day."

My mouth hangs in an unattractive O out of surprise and shock. Ava stands behind me along with Niall both I can tell with the exact same reaction. "U-Um, yes, thanks." I studder and Kelly gives me a respectful nod.

"I know the lot of us can be pricks, but I'm here to support the two of you. And Louis," She turns to him, "Thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself. I wish you and Harry the best." And with that, she turned and walked away leaving three shocked faces and Louis's pleased one.

"What the fuck was that?" I demand, sitting down next to Louis at our usual table in the back. Zayn and Liam have yet to show but Niall and Ava are leaning in to hear Louis answer, obviously just as confused as I am.

"Kelly came and talked with me a couple of days ago to apologize and stuff."

"And you let her?" I wasn't so sure about this sudden mood change. Kelly had been there that night and, in my head, she was just as horrible as Darcy had been.

"Yeah, hey she has a brother who's like us, so we've found common ground." He explains. "Don't hold it against her, her mindset was like yours. Having an image and shit."

I'm not ready to open her with open arms but I guess I can see where Louis's coming from. Louis doesn't hold grudges and I admire that about him. I guess if he can see her in a different light, I will try too as well.

"I still think she's a bitch." Ava sighs as she steals a peach slice of Niall's plate and pops it into her mouth. 

"Takes one to know one," Niall says back and she gives his shoulder a nudge.

"Hey, you all started without us?" Zayn's voice sounded through the hum of the dining hall and I turn to see him and Liam walking towards us. They both and bright-eyed and giddy looking which leaves me to believe they didn't _just_ sleep in this morning.

"Yeah, keeping your snogging to a minimal and maybe you'll make it on time tomorrow," Niall says as Liam squeezes in next to him. 

Liam's eyes grow wide at the accusation and Zayn flashes Niall a cheeky grin, "I'll keep that in mind."

I look around the group of friends at my table and can't simply wrap my head around how I even came to be here. Just a year ago Ava and I were trading around with our hands interlocked, laughing at the 'popular' table, and now I was sitting in my boyfriend's arms while Ava and Niall continued to happily tease one another. Both of us had found our place, neither of us was faking it anymore.

I wasn't faking it anymore.

I was free.

"What are you thinking about?" Louis murmured into my ear and I leaned into his touch as he brushed his lips against my neck.

"Just me and Ava, we've come a long way from being the 'it' couple and I'm rather happy where we've ended up. She got me through a lot you know?"

"I'm glad you had her." Louis said, "I wish it had been me though."

I turn so I can see his face and firmly press my lips to his, the spark more prominent than ever as our lips collide, "Well, it's you now. All I know is now."


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the short lil epilogue and again, thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos. If you could comment and share that would be appreciated and thank you all again. Knowing my work is being enjoyed warms my heart and makes my day!  
> All the luv, -M

**_"I lost my way all the way to you and in you, I found all the way back to me."_ **

**_~Atticus._ **

It had been a whole year since Zayn, and I had stepped foot in the library for after school dentition. I remember going in as a naive, selfish twat who had never experienced anything real before and look at me now. 

It was senior year and the weather had decided to be on our side this afternoon as we all sat out on the grassy lawn of the school trying to dig through the last bit of homework before the weekend. I lay in Louis's lap as he read over my shoulder. We both had to read the Odyssey for Literature and having read a bunch of Niall's Shakespeare's stuff together each night, it was normal for us to share the book.

"Ready?" I ask, motioning to turn the page.

"Almost," Louis replied, and his eyes scan the page quickly, "Circle that word," and I do, adding it to our list of words to look up.

_Asphodel._

"I'll look it up," Louis says, typing it into his phone. "Here," He shows me, and I write down the definition in the margin. 

_Asphodel: an immortal flower said to grow in the Elysian fields._

"Ok, now you can turn the page." He said, brushing his hand against mine. The touch is small, but it still makes my skin heat up as if we hadn't been together for the past year and a half now. We continue to read in silence only whispering words to each other when necessary as to not disturb Zayn and Ava who were doing math with Liam's help and Niall who was attempting his science homework.

"Fuck, I'm stuck again," Niall muttered, looking down helplessly at his notebook and then back to the textbook that splayed out by my feet.

"What?" I peer over my thick copy of The Odyssey to Niall's anatomy homework.

"What’s the term that describes the body's ability to maintain its normal state?" Niall whines helplessly banging his head against the textbook.

"No idea." I said, "I skipped over that unit last year and added more writing classes instead of the general ed courses."

"Give it here Niall," Liam says and Niall drops the book on Liam's lap. He scans the text and then and then circles a word. "Homeostasis," He said and hands it back to him.

"Look at my boyfriend being all smart and stuff," Zayn giggles and Liam leans over and kisses him.

"You two are so cute together," Niall says, tilting his head as if looking at a rare piece of art.

"Hey, we are too!" Louis protests.

"No, you and Harry are like an old married couple while Zayn and Liam are normal."

"What do we do that's not normal?" I ask.

"You guys read Shakespeare together before bed."

"And who's fault is that?" I asked. Niall had been right; Shakespeare was so beautiful and rich. After reading Mid Summers together we had just kept going. It was our nightly ritual now.

"Mine," Niall admits, "I have brought you to the dark side!"

"Niall no." Ava winces, "I just— don't ever say that again."

"Don't tell me what to do," He snaps back, and she flicks a hair tie at his head.

"When do you think they are finally going to get together?" Louis whispered to me as Niall launches himself at her.

"Soon I hope because this is getting annoying."

"I agree," Louis hums, pulling me tighter into his chest. I drop the book, making sure to mark the page and let my head lean fondly on his chest.

"We aren't too much like an old married couple, are we? We still do stuff, right?"

Louis chuckles, "How about you take me skinny dipping tomorrow morning?"

"Sure I would be honored," I tease but then grow serious, "But seriously...we aren’t, are we?"

"That's not such a bad thing is it?" Louis asked hesitantly.

"W-What?"

"Being...um, you know. It's not a bad thing."

Zayn and Liam had gone off to get lunch and Niall and Ava were long gone, chasing each other around the school grounds like a couple of children.

"Louis what are you saying?" I twist around so I can look at him in the eye.

"I'm not saying anything now," He backtracks but then sighs, "Harry, you know I can't picture myself in anyone else, right?"

I tried to remain composed, but my insides felt like they were about to melt leaving me a smiling, giddy mess, "I didn't know that." I say a small smile forming on my lips, "Tell me more."

"No, because now I'm all nervous," He said, pecking me on the lips, "But I'm just saying maybe...maybe it's in our future?"

I turn and kiss him firmly; I would never get enough of this boy. The boy who I had known since we were little kids just trying to work things out on the playground. The boy who made me the happiest in the world. The boy who made me feel free. 

"It's not a maybe in mine."

The End


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